Honesty with myself...

From Kindlings: "Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves." -Walter Anderson

Do you believe people in general are honest with themselves? Is this something you strive for?

I don’t feel people in general are honest with themselves. I think it is easy for us to lie to ourselves. I think we are almost encouraged to hide from ourselves.

I remember growing up we never actually told people how we felt in our family. When someone asked how you were….”Oh I am good.” Or I am fine. Never I am really having a hard time of it.

I know I got an early start of hiding feelings….because of some things that happened in my childhood. Easier to pretend it did not happen then face it. So, I think I got very good at hiding them.

Later it still hung with me…I remember one time…the pressure of school really was getting to me. I was sitting in my room crying. My Mom walked in and said what are you crying for….I said I can’t handle it anymore. And she handed me the clothes she had came in with and said oh don’t be silly and walked out. It was never talked about. So, to me it was encouraged to not express them and to me lie about them. Lie to myself and to others about how I was feeling.

The quote that starts this entry says...talks about the risk in being honest but also that our lives will improve with taking a chance...

And that is true. I know that my life....has improved when I became more honest with myself.

I try extremely hard to be very true to myself and stay firmly planted in reality now. And it is actually one reason I started my blogger. For me it, at the time I started it, I was going through a lot emotionally, mentally and even physically. I was trying to deny it was there. So, I thought if it is out there on the web, then I can’t hide anymore because then EVERYONE will know. And so I started the blogger to help myself be more honest with myself.

And it worked. I have been more honest with myself….then I ever have…have I still lied to myself? Yes, but as I said I try extremely hard to be true to myself and stay firmly planted in reality now and it happens less and less.