The Drama

I used to have lots of dramas in my life. I even think at one point I thought I could not live without them, because I was so used to them. So, I know I created them. I am not proud of that but I worked very hard to get out of that vicious cycle. With Master life is very peaceful and calm. And I am very thankful.

Since being here I have had a few dramas spike up and both were from outside influences….people from my past trying to start dramas and then one elist I am on I have encountered 2 dramas. The last ending in Master ordering me to unsubscribe.

The Background

When I first started on the list, I read the posts and enjoyed them. At one point the list was growing (not a bad thing mind you), but I found that I was skipping more posts as there were little dramas spiking up and people whose writings I did not tend to like or learn anything from. Again not a problem either as every list is like that. But then just as so many interesting people were joining – a lot of attacking started going on by the “core group” (Something I will explain later). I then went to no mail and checked the elist online about once a week. I found that after many people that I enjoyed reading posts from left or stop posting that I did not have much in common with the people on the list. But I stayed for the few that were still there that I did enjoy reading (even though most of those people are on my favorite elist) and because a couple of friends on the list reminded me that I have things to offer people on the list. So every once in a great while I would pop up with a few posts and then go back to lurking.

Over time there were patterns to the group starting back when I was on individual emails. And over time I kept saying to myself why am I on this group. I would see person after person get attacked and nothing done to the person and I am not just talking about one person even though the person that attacked me does quite often attack others.

The group owner says to treat the elist like they are in his living room….hmmm I know Master would never allow people to attack and be disrespectful to guests in his living room. It is one thing to disagree with each other. That is fine. Healthy debate is fine, but attacking, accusing and being disrespectful is not okay.

I mentioned the “core group” a few times now. The core group is people that have formed friendships on the list. And I don’t find anything wrong with finding friends on elists or on the web. I have some very good friends from several elists. But our friendships don’t interfere with our personal opinions and beliefs. Meaning just because I disagree with someone they were friends with does not mean they would stop being my friend or attack me. But on this list that is exactly what has happened. You will see many times over when one person says, “hey no this not how it is for us” and if it goes against one of the “core group” members ideas, then one or more of the core group will start attacking, accusing and being very disrespectful. It happened often. And the archives will show it over and over again.

And each time it would happen I would again ask myself why am I here. Why do I stay with this list. And again it came down to the few people I did enjoy reading posts from and that maybe since I have been in the lifestyle so long and doing this M/s thing for so long I could offer others advice or help.

As I said there was one time I really enjoyed the elist, but to me it has gotten out of hand when a person can’t even post a simple question without being accused and attacked. Why have a public forum if you are only going to hear the opinions of your “friends” on the list. And it is not even like they want opinions….it is more like they want validation or acceptance. Why need that from someone else? The only person that needs to accept you…is you. And just because someone disagrees with another does not make their belief invalid. I believe judgement is clouded by the friendships on the list and by that need to be accepted.

The Experience

So here is what happened to me….

One night I was reading a thread and got to a post that I read SEVERAL times, but kept coming back to 2 lines. I kept coming back to those 2 lines because I did not think I was understanding them correctly. So I cut out those 2 lines of the post and then asked for clarification.

I started the post off that way too. I said: “May I ask for clarification on this please….” Insert 2 lines from email that I formed into a question… ending with….”Because that is how I interpreted the below statements.” It then had her 2 lines cut from the original post below that question.

I did not agree or even disagree with the 2 lines. I just wanted clarification. And right away, I got jumped on.

Now let me state if I would have left the WHOLE post in…I still would have asked the same question because every time I read the post I kept coming back to those 2 lines and trying to figure out what she meant. So, I just wanted clarification. That is it.

I got emails saying I chopped up her email and took it out of context. I didn’t. I took out the 2 lines I did not understand. I read it in context. And pulling those 2 lines out did not change the context of them. I did not feel the need to clutter the list with the whole email when I only had a question about those 2 lines.

She said that I took those 2 lines and made it seem like she said something she did not. Now as I have said even if I would have kept the whole email – I still had questions on those 2 lines because within the context of the email those 2 lines were the ones that confused me. And so I asked for clarification. I was then told that what “motivated” me to not do “fair play” by chopping her email up. To answer this once again….because I did not understand those 2 lines.

Although the emails to me were disrespectful, accusatory and attacking, I still remained polite. I had a few people ask me how I could remain so polite and believe me there were times I did not want to, but as always I kept in mind I am Master’s property and so I need to be a proper reflection. And Master and I both agreed that I should take the high road even though the other person was not. I even thanked her once when I could see that she was not going to understand my reasoning for cutting out those 2 lines. She and her boy went on to say I had done that to her before which I had not. I went through the archives to make sure, but I rarely reply to that person because I don’t relate to her posts. She does what I call D/s (my definitions of D/s). And I relate to M/s or absolute Owner/property relationships. I did find the someone she was confusing me with in the archives. Of course, that person never posted again after being attacked for “chopping” up this person’s post. But again, that happens often on the list – a person gets attacked and then never posts to the list again.

The End

Well Master would not stand by and watch me be attacked that way. He was outraged when I filled him on what was going on. He was not a member of the list at that time, so he had me write the owners. (Side note: He did join but felt something should be done right away so wanted me to write the owners while he waited to get his membership approved.) We waited patiently for the owners to do something about this. Because as I said I had seen this happen over and over again and the person being attacked just disappears and I felt it should stop. But nothing was done. Master had me unsubscribe from the list because he was upset about my treatment on the list and the lack of response from the owner of the list.

Master then received an email the other night from the party attacking me (it was cc'd to the owners also). The email was vicious, inconsistent, disrespectful and beyond. So Master took the email, went point by point, and sent it and his response to the list…yes to the list. And I understand all the reasons and to me He did the right thing – not that He needs my approval. I am thankful to Him for how wonderful He was during this - as I know it was a drama for Him as well and right now with all His workload. It was an unneeded stress. I am very grateful to my Master for defending my honor.

Anyway, I found out from a few people on the list that we would have been “deleted” from the group because of Master’s post. It was said, “showed total disrespect to another owner, in taking a private disagreement public.” Umm now how was this private when I am being attacked in post after post on the group. And all I did was ask a simple polite question. And also all my responses to the disrespectful, accusing, attacking posts were polite. Does that make sense?

Now it gets better….and this totally stumps me… According to the owner of the group, it is not okay to post an email sent to Master about the subject that has been on the board (that was his personal property after it was sent to him to do what he wished with). But it is okay to post copyrighted material without permission and also okay to post the first and last name, license plate number, make of car and screen name of a man that had supposedly abused a submissive without hearing his side of the story.

Now maybe that sounds okay to some people to post personal information of a person basically outing them…on a public forum, but for me when you only have one side of the story that is wrong. Also, the story had a few holes in it...that left lots to be questioned. What made it even more of an issue to me is I know the person and I know him well enough to know there was way MORE to the story.

So again, it is okay to post personal information on the group outing him and also where he is not able to give his side of the story. And it is okay to post-copyrighted material. But not okay to post something that has been an on going issue on that group. Hmmm something wrong with that picture.

And I am sure they did not even get that everything I have stated in posts to them is true and showing it even now. Because I was also told that all the post of that were “supporting” the other person in this were again all the “core group.” Don’t they see that it is they make people scared to post. They make people feel like they are outsiders.

And that leads me to why I am so angry and disappointed….

It is not due to the person who attacked me when I asked my simple polite question. I think she is rude, vicious and so much more. After reading her email to Master, it was very obvious she is a person who is never going to “get it.”

She angered me. But I got over it because in the grand scheme of life she is someone who does not matter - she will always be like this.

The person I am most disappointed and angry at is the owner of list for not getting it. For not getting that they make so many people feel like outsiders and scare them from posting because of the continual pattern of disrespectful, accusatory, attacking behavior.

Imagine you are in the living room of the host….and someone constantly goes around being rude to all the guests it happens over and over and finally she slaps your slave (or if you are a slave she slaps you) what would you do? Would you allow that kind of behavior? Because clearly that email she sent Master was more then a slap in the face to Him and myself. And so our host allowed a guest to be slapped. And then tells the guests in his living room that Master and I would be thrown out for being attacked and being slapped. Do you see something wrong with this picture?

Master did what he had to defend his property’s honor. And I am very thankful I have a Master who has integrity and honor to stand up and do what is right.