Direction

In watching a few relationships, I have noticed a lot of struggling with submission because of lack direction from the Dominant. The submissive/slave wants to submit and wants to bend to the will of their Dominant but the Dominant is not showing her where he wants her to bend and submit.

I have been in this place in past relationships and also seen others go through this as well. Often after a submissive expresses the lack of direction, I have heard, "well you just need to obey." But if the Dominant is not giving anything to obey how is she suppose to obey? I think Dominants might confuse direction with active Dominance. (Which active Dominance is a topic for another time.) Now that might be the case as well but direction does not have to be a constant active.

Here is an analogy to try to clarify my point…

Lets use a recent college graduates as the example. They desire to have a job in their field. They know their field and enjoy it. Then they land that job….the job they think is just perfect. Now just because a person knows the field does not mean they know how to do the job. They would not know what to do without direction. So, the boss needs to tell them how to do the job. Otherwise, they will be left to their own ideas of the field instead of the actual job. And thus the job probably will not get done how the boss wants.

And the same goes in these cases I am talking about…

Submissives might know that they are submissive or slave. They most likely have a desire to be in a D/s or M/s relationship. They probably have a desire to serve and please. But without the direction of the Dominant they will go by what they know about their desires instead of what the Dominant wants them to do.

So, these women I see struggling are submissive, but they are lacking direction. The Dominants needs to let the submissive know how he wants to be served and pleased. He needs to let the submissive know where the boundaries are in their relationship. He needs to define the relationship so that she knows where to go and what to do more easily.

When those things are not expressed or communicated the submissive most likely will fall back on what she thinks is best. Now, to me, that is the submissive leading not the Dominant. And doesn’t the Dominant want to lead in D/s and M/s power dynamics?

I can hear some people might say she could learn by watching. And I agree with that to a point. But without some initial direction she will go in a direction she thinks is best because she will be in the dark on what the Dominant is actually wanting.

So, if he wants it to be about him – to me he needs to make it about him by directing.