Friday, June 26, 2009

His Job?

Read on fetlife...That it the Master's job to make the slave feel good about submitting.

hmmmmm I don't agree with that....

It is not his job to me to make me feel anything...even good about submitting. We might have jobs or responsibilities in the relationship to keep it going and meeting the mutual goals of the relationship. But it isn't his job to make me happy.

There are moments when we all have problems, miscommunication and even doubts. All relationships stumble and hit bumps. But I don't feel that falls to him to make me feel better so I can submit. Of course he often helps me get through things that are hard for me but I bend to him - he doesn't bend to me. I submit and bend because it fulfills something in me. Of course I am most fulfilled when I am able to submit to his authority. And that makes me feel good. When I get through something that was hard to submit to - it makes me feel even better than good. It makes me smile. So in a weird way even the hard things that don't make me feel good in the moment - in the end make me silly happy.

I am wired to submit - it is my orientation. I am responsible for me and my happiness and submitting in ways that make me happy. If the relationship I was in wasn't fulfilling in ways that made me happy or good is time to look at why. And most likely that would a case of mis-matched compatibility as I had in past relationships. And obviously I figured that out and now am in a fulfilling relationship. We have a responsibility to ourselves to find the right relationship that works for us. We can't expect to pin the responsibility of our happiness on another person. It is up to us to find what makes us happy and make that abundant in our lives.


  1. I'll agree with you that the desire to submit has to come from within - if its from an external force, it may not make for a happy match. However, my Daddy certainly works to make me happy in other ways, giving me small presents and rewards and generally being thoughtful, just like its MY job to make him happy. That's OUR relationship and I personally prefer it that way.

  2. I totally agree on we do things in our relationships to make each other happy too. I just don't feel it is fair to pin all my happiness on Master. Of course we all have moments of happiness from the other person... the little gifts, the little phrases such as good girl or mine, just spending quality time together, many moments that fills my heart with love and happiness - they all make me feel happy and I am thankful for those moments.

  3. I'd like it to be his job...but it isn't.

    I'd also like it if he cared about whether I felt good about submitting...but he doesnt't.

    I'd like to feel good about submitting...but 99% of the time I don't.

    I don't think how you *feel* about submitting is really relevant - all that matters is that you do.


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