Once upon a time you could look at me and I could have an orgasm. It was just simple and easy. I got turned on easy and I had multiple orgasms easily. As I get older, it is getting harder to have an orgasm. Sometimes it is quick and easy like it used to be but the majority of the time it isn't.
Something I have had a hard time with as a submissive is that I want to please Master in all ways and when my orgasms started being harder to reach, I felt bad. I felt like something is "wrong" with me. I am not good enough for him because I can't reach an orgasm as easily. Now obviously he is with me not just for my orgasms. We are together because we are compatible beyond sex - logically I get that. But in the moment of having sex and it seems like it is taking a long time and that frustration is building - the thoughts that there is something wrong with me and feeling inadequate because I can't even orgasm creep in. Silly - I know.
My body is all over the place right now - changing all the time. Sometimes it takes pain to get me off and other times I need a softer touch. I always need pain and bdsm stuff for the foreplay to get me turned on and get me wet and wanton, but when it comes down to the actual orgasm - sometimes I just need some firm but soft touching of my clit. Even then though I still might not come because I need an added mental component - mostly dirty talk. It is what will usually push me over. But what I am trying to say - it is different almost always - which can get frustrating.
I recently was watching a Tuesday's with Nina over on EdenFantasys.com. They are videos where Nina Hartley is giving sexual advice. Now if you don't know who Nina Hartley is - please google. I think the first porn I watched had Nina in it. She is long time adult movie star as well as a sex educator. I really enjoy her Tuesday's with Nina series over on Eden Tube.
One video I watched, that I will embed below, featured a question from a young woman that was having problems achieving orgasm with her partner. That it was making her and her partner feel bad and like they were doing something wrong because she couldn't reach orgasm "from" him. Nina offered really good advice as well as just some good common sense words - we all are responsible for our own orgasm.
Just because your partner is the one helping you get there doesn't mean he/she is responsible for pushing you over and giving you one. You know your body and know what will get you there and there is nothing wrong with having fun foreplay and getting close and then personally taking over to push it over. I think I forget that at times. Master does a great job of giving me orgasms. I can have one with him pushing me over but when I am having problems - there is no rule that say I can't take over to push over. Sometimes we have done that too - just not often enough and not soon enough. I usually get to the bad thoughts of being inadequate before I just get some sex toys out so I can push it over. Master doesn't care how I orgasm just as long as we are both having fun and getting pleasure (of course we mix it with SM which is pleasurable to us). I mean that is what is about - are we having fun - keeping it fun and doing things to help before it becomes frustrating.
Please watch the video below as well as checking out all the other great videos and content over on EdenFantasys. I love how they always get me thinking about something in a new way.
Disclosure: EdenFantasys provided me with a gift card in exchange for this post. All opinions are my own, and were not influenced in any way.