Slut

When I was married, I bought a pair of shoes that were out of my norm. They were sexy black high heels. I had been drawn to them in the store and said to myself just try them on does not mean you need to buy them.  But of course that didn't happen. I put them on and saw how my legs looked in them...how sexy they made me look and they ended coming home with me.  

I showed them to my husband that night. Putting them on and modeling them. He nodded and smiled - but really didn't offer any comment on them.  He didn't seem overly enthusiastic and it bothered me.  Later that week, I decided maybe I should bring them back because he didn't seem to like them on me.  So I put them on a table in our living room so that I would remember to take them back. 

My ex-husband asked why they were there and I said "I am taking them back because you didn't seem to like me in them."  He looked at the shoes for a moment and then me and said, "I just am not sure why you bought them. They made you look like a slut."  He walked away to go to do something after he said that. I held in the tears.  My husband had just called me a slut and it cut me.  It wasn't something I wanted to hear or liked to hear.  It is so odd how I can see the shoes on the table in my mind so clearly even today 15 years later.

The shoes went back within hours of him calling me a slut because I was so upset.  I later told him that I thought they made me look sexy. He went on to explain that it looked like I was wanting to go out and fuck a football team with them because they were fuck me heels so I just looked like a slut ready to give it up to anyone.  I cried. He soothed me and told me I wasn't a slut and he didn't want his wife to look like a slut.  So no sexy high heels for me.

The word slut stung though. I didn't like then. I felt ashamed.  I felt dirty and just bad to be called a slut. 

But that changed...

My first relationship after my marriage was a D/s one.  He called me a slut and at first I wanted to hide from it.  He saw the reaction and he then told me how he loved that I was so responsive to his touch and words, he loved the I was sexual and wanton and that is what made me a slut in eyes...my sexual nature.  He used it more and more and each time I grew wetter.  It started to turn me on to be called a slut.  I even felt pride being a slut for him.  I learned to embrace the word slut from then on. But I did get tripped up with it every so often still. 

When I moved to Ohio, I often came back to where my ex-husband lived. I had family and friends in the area. My ex-husband and I were friend at that time - we aren't anymore.  I would stay with him when I came back. One time shortly after I had moved to Ohio, I came back to get some of my stuff and stayed with him.   While there I was seeing friends and family too. So one night I was going to go out with a friend for dinner and I came out of the bedroom dressed in a short skirt, a blouse showing off cleavage, thigh highs and high heels. My ex-husband told me I looked like a slut.  It started those old tapes of him saying that before - I ran to the bedroom crying.  I called and cancelled on my friend as I was so upset. 

I tried to remind myself that many men liked it that I looked sexy and that I was a sexual creature. But my ex-husband obviously didn't.   It was his issue.  But it had ruined the moment and I couldn't get myself past it for while. But eventually with Kam, I got myself past the word slut again. He reminded me why I liked it and why I should embrace it. 

So on another visit to my ex-husbands, I was going out to a BDSM play party in the area with friends, so I came out of the bedroom dressed in a short skirt leather skirt with a slit on the thigh, a blouse that laced up the front displaying my cleavage, thigh highs, and sexy high heels.  My ex-husband looked at me and said "you look like a slut."  I looked at him and with a huge smile on my face said, "damn right and damn proud to be one."  He looked at me like I had grown another head. I explained I didn't find that word to be a bad word anymore. That I was sexy and sexual and enjoyed my sexual nature and it wasn't a bad thing - it was a good thing. It made me feel good. He just shook his head. He didn't get it.  I went to my party and had fun. I didn't let his issues with the word ruin it for me.  

In all my following relationships, I have been called a slut and it makes me blush at times but in ways that are good that remind me who I am and what I enjoy.  It is a term of endearment to me now.