Off for Christmas Vacation...

Music: Various Christmas Music

It is 2am and I need to get up at 5:30am. I need to be at the airport at 7am. I am going to my parents for Christmas. I will be back on Friday.

Yesterday in trying to fix the virus I had on my computer, we botched it up and it basically wiped everything from my computer. It would not boot back up. So I am pretty upset as I did not back this computer up. I had my old computer backed up with things saved all over the place and on lots of disks. But this one I transferred so much of my stuff from the disks to my new computer because it was so big, new and ran so great that I was not worried about losing anything. In the 10 years I have been online I have hardly ever backed anything up and I have never had a virus or lost anything. And I have lost 10 years of things. I had stories, poems, term papers, pictures, art, graphics, and so much business stuff on it - some stuff 10 years old. So I am pretty bummed. I am trying not to think of it. When I do, I start to cry.

I chatted with Ray online a little while tonight. We had an interesting conversation. I could tell he had read my journal. He was trying to figure out what is best for me. I am not sure he understands me at times but he really tries and I am glad that I have him around :)

We had not chatted in a while as I am just not online all that much. Except to get stupid virus. lol

I did not get to talk to Sir Nick much this week and I hoped to have a "good" conversation with him before he left for Christmas vacation. I thought maybe he would be online tonight. But he has not. I am not sure how much I will be able to be online and not sure if I will post to my blogger or not. I am nervous my Dad might find it lol

What I mean by a "good" conversation is....a conversation where....we talk about life, D/s, vanilla stuff, things going on around us, us meeting, those types of things. We used to have these great long conversations online questions and topics. He would express his feelings more to me then. Now he is in his work mode and it is hard for him to let some of the wall of strength down and just be with me. He is still him he just has this outside wall up so that emotions do not get in the way of his work. And I understand, but it is hard.

I feel bad about being gone this week....I should be here for Di to get through the stuff she needs too. Kam so far has been putting up a good front that he is okay with me going. It is going to be really hard on both of us though. I am going to miss him a lot. I found a card I bought to give him 2 years ago that I never gave to him. It says so much of what I wanted with him...what I want in general. I want us both to be happy. I just do not see that happening together at this time. I can't ever be submissive to him and I do need D/s in my life. So....life sucks sometimes.

It is going to be weird to be home for Christmas and around all my family. My sister who lives in Kansas is the only one who will not be there. My Grandma, my mom's brother and sister's and their kids will be there. So it will be a houseful. Just like when I was a little girl.

Well, it is close to 2:30am so I better get to bed....

Good night! Sweet Dreams....

I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas!

And I wish Moni a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! *kisses* It is her birthday today!

peace,
danae