danae

I am not sure what to be writing tonight...my emotions are all over the place the last few days.

I have been dressing in ways that please Master, but for me are not....what I would call umm comfortable - physically and also emotionally. I like to dress girly girl but comfortable girly girl (btw thigh highs, garter belts, skirts and such are all comfortable for me). And although Master likes me in those things too and is pleased with how I dress normally for Him, He has a passion for things that are tight - that fit snugly around the body. He likes the shiny lycra spandex bodysuits & bodyslimmers (the modern girdle). And so that is what I have been trying to wear more.

I also have done a few other things this week that are things that please Him, but are hard for me and I just am not comfortable with emotionally and mentally. I am not sure if we are going to another level...or that I just feel burnt out or what...but it is hard and it is draining me emotionally to do these things that are above and beyond what He normally expects from me.

I just feel like I am giving more of myself then I can right now. But I don't see other options either.

The other night I needed to vent basically and get some things out. And one way I do that - is writing. Master has access to everything that I write. And so He read it. I hurt Him with things I said :( Nothing was disrespectful or in an angry tone. Everything was written from pain and frustration and I know He knows that. I didn't mean for Him to be hurt by it, but I understand why it hurt Him - as if the shoe were on the other foot those things would hurt me. But I did not know what else to do.

A week or so ago I read a journal of someone that had a fallout with her Master. She said it left her kind of in a "zombie state." And Master took that she was fuzzy but I totally in that moment knew what she meant by that as I have felt that in the past. And it is kind of how I feel now. I am going through the motions, but my heart is not in it. And up until now...it has been.

I want to be serving and pleasing Master. I am just so tired. I don't know what to be doing.

Maybe I am just burnt out? Maybe we are going to a new level and I am just not adapting fast enough? Maybe it is just all that is going on is putting me on emotional overload? I don't know what He wants right now. I don't know what to be doing.

On to other topics....

Master and I discussed going back to Ohio to get the rest of my stuff. I look forward to the time with Him. I will be able to be with Him 24/7 for 2 weeks. I look forward to just traveling with Him and seeing things with Him. I look forward to Him meeting all my friends! I look forward to just being with Him so much.

I am worrying about money issues with that, but Master has told me not to worry.

Next worry for me is Master is having surgery in October. It will be outpatient so He will be at home for a few days for me to take care...before going back to work. He will be in some pain on and off for a few weeks. I am scared about Him going in for surgery.

On another note Master and I have been having lots of sex...that has been really good! *blushing* We have been having so much sex my cunt hurts! lol I am feeling like a well used slut. :) After Master fucked me doggie style last night He used a vibrator on my clit and this BIG pink dildo that I have inside me. I have been having lots of fantasies of Master fisting me and this didlo has a large base so I wanted it in me so much but it is not only a wide dildo it is a fairly large dildo too. It was not quite possible to get the base in me, but Master said it got close. I had several intense orgasms. If I would not have had that big dildo in me I think I would have been squirting all over LOL I am very thankful to Master for allowing me to have orgasms. I appreciate it so much. *blushing*