Fever & Life Update

Sub Fever....

I am not thrilled with the name because to me it happens to vanilla people too and also dominants. And is not exactly what I am wanting to write about, but it is closest name I have for what I want to describe.

Submissive Fever is when there is a sense of urgency to have it all happen...now. It is usually used in conjunction with people new to the lifestyle. Because they are reading and learning about all these wonderful things that make them all wet and gooey so they want to experience them. And so wanting to experience them NOW and often let all reason float out the window.

But I want to take that further. As I think people who have been in the lifestyle for a while can experience something similar. I think it happens after break ups, I think it happens during that time period where we are so sick of waiting for the one, and I think it happens when someone is needing or desiring something specific. I think often someone gets submissive fever because they are trying to fill an emptiness. Often they are craving and wanting (one or more of these things) physical, mental and emotional attention, intimacy, pleasure, affection, S&M, D/s and all the other things that come with seeing someone. And during these times we often compromise our values, beliefs, and internal awareness just to experience the relationship.

I have been there a few times unfortunately. There is one relationship I was in that it was the worse. I ignored it for so long that haunted me for a few years. When I was in the relationship with Todd, I just wanted to be in the relationship with the "One" that I ignored many blatant signs that showed me he was not the one and far from it. I ignored that he was married. I ignored that he lied to me on countless things (because when a person lies once they will lie again I am sorry but that is how I feel - looking at myself for that example when I have lied once it brings on strings of lying especially to myself). I ignored that there was something between him and my best friend (of the time). I ignored that although I was getting some attention, affection, D/s, and so on I was not getting all those things the way I deserved and really desired by someone who would really care for me the way I deserved.

The reason I wanted to write about this is because I have a few friends going through this.....they - to me - are caught up in wanting to experience a relationship that they are not seeing that they deserve so much better.

It is hard to see it. It is hard to escape it. But it is worth it in the long run.


Life Update....

Today I baked and then also made a roast for dinner. We had not had one in a long time. I cook mine in a cooking bag in the oven with potatoes, carrots, onions and then herbs. It turned out delicious!

I have been extremely horny lately (not sure that is the word but will get into that in bit). I feel like I could (if I had permission) be masturbating about 10 times a day. I am kind of an odd duck...but right now it is just about feeling the sensation and so I don't even really think of fantasies. I just love the feel of the vibrator on my cunt.

Another thing I am really odd about is...that although I want to masturbate I am not turned on...so that is why I am not sure horny is the right word. It is like I want to experience the sensation but mentally I am not turned on. So even if Master were to use me right now, it would take me a while mentally to get there. But at the same time I am craving to be teased to the point of being there mentally. I am not meaning physically teased either. I am meaning that teasing that comes with setting up sweet anticipation.

I know it is being all about me in this moment. I suppose that is because it has been a while and so now I am to that point of not feeling very desired and so the teasing and setting it up so we have that built up anticipation will make me feel desired.

I have lots of issues on not feeling desired. So, I am going to stop babbling on that.

Tomorrow I need to start clearing out the spare room so we can put up a shelving unit. But it is such a small room I need to make room for it by moving out lots of stuff. And then put the stuff I move out, back in on the shelves. At least that is the plan. I plan on going through that room reorganizing it top to bottom. Last week I started on kind of a fall cleaning where I tore the kitchen apart and cleaned everything out. And then put it all back.

Next week I am going to do some baking to freeze for Thanksgiving and maybe also send a tray to Master's work.

Master's immediate boss (who I really like) asked me to join her, another co-worker and the wife of their big boss to decorate for their work Christmas party. I was kind of surprised as there are other women in the office that they could ask or other wives. And they asked me. It makes me a little nervous, but Master is allowing me to go. They said we are going to drink and have fun while decorating - so by the time the party starts they want to be drunk. So that could get interesting. I am sure I will not drink that much as I am a person who becomes very open when drinking. Meaning I tell people things I should not tell them...especially Master's boss and big boss' wife....such as I am a slave. So I will need to watch how much I drink. Just a couple glasses of wine and then switch to water.

Well it should be interesting.

One last thing before I sign off tonight....a Piggy Picture (it is an adult picture)!