Life Update:
Well Master and I have been drowning ourselves in comfort food. I even broke down today and made tollhouse cookies (chocolate chip for those who are not from the USA). I wrote my sister this morning to remind her I love her very much. Let's see....oh on Halloween I did play with paper dolls. It was fun! I even had pigtails. Master has been busy with work so we have not had a lot of SM or sex lately. But I have been especially horny for some reason. I have asked to masturbate a lot more lately.
Titles or Honorifics:
On a forum Master and I belong to there was a thread started last year on titles that was picked up again this year. It is thread that is brought up repeatedly on various email lists and forums I am on. But I have to say actually there were a few arguments on this one that I never saw before. The big argument is when a submissive will not use a title until she is sure the dominant has earned respect - several thought that was not "right."
The thread made me to really examine WHY and WHEN I use titles (and I have to say it I examined it long after I posted to the thread). And oddly enough I don't think I ever did think about why and when I use titles before.
On the thread it came down to courtesy, hierarchy (being subordinate to a dominant), and basically to be protocol to help remind the slave their place.
Courtesy:
It was brought up that police officers or judges would get a courtesy Sir or Ma`am because they are authority figures. But to me that comes down to how you were raised. I was raised to call them by their titles. A judge would be Judge Last-name. A police officer would be Officer Last-name. My friends parents as they were my elders and authority figures were Mr. and Mrs. Last-name. So if submissive are using courtesy as they would vanilla authority figures then I would be calling them Mr. or Ms. Last name. But in the lifestyle we really don't get to know a lot of peoples last name unless they are really close. And I don't think they would be happy if at a bdsm event I said their last name around a bunch of people we did not know. So generally I use first names and am polite and courtesy even to those that I don't like or respect - all the while only using their name. It it just a different form of courtesy then using titles.
Hierarchy:
Next argument was that if you are subordinate it did not matter if you respected the person but go by your station. Meaning there is a hierarchy and dominants are above submissive so submissive should be courtesy and use a title with a dominant.
And here is where I have the problem....I don't feel subordinate to all dominants.
I am going to back up a little bit first...
I know my initial views on this subject came about because of my past. There is a dominant in the Ohio community that insisted that submissives called him Master or at least Sir. He is one of those that signs his emails, introduces himself, posts ads as Master First Name. At first when I met this person I did not have a problem calling him by a title because I felt he had "it." You know that "it" - dominance that just pours off of them and wraps around you making you giddy and weak in the knees. But over time I understood it was a facade. And that it was more of a role then who he was as a person. After getting to know him, I would say that he insisted on titles because it made him feel good and made him feel like he had power. So basically an ego trip. He demanded it for his ego. And thus submissive calling him that propped up the facade even more by calling him by a title.
After meeting this dominant, I found more of the like...dominants that wanted and or demanded a title. And all of them that I met who demanded or wanted, all came to be those that did it for ego trips to me. So, in the past, when the subject of titles came up and people would use the earned respect as an argument I would look at these men and go yeah I don't respect these men so that makes sense why submissives don't use titles until the dominant earns respect. But oddly enough I never really followed it. And I never really thought about it.
So this thread starts and as I said above it made me really examine why and when I use titles. DM is a really good example for me. I don't call her Ma`am here for ease of reading reasons, but we don't go a conversation, email, im without me using Ma`am several times and it has been that way since the day I met her. And so why did she get Ma`am before she "earned my respect?" Because she has "it." She really has it. It is not a facade. She is not a dominant for...well I was going to say blow jobs and maid service but she is woman...so she is not dominant for sex and maid service. She is dominant because that is who she is...a dominant.
In examining this issue, I realized it comes down to if they feel like they are above me then I call them by a title because it just comes out naturally. It is not forced or earned. It is just there. So going back to that theory if I am subordinate I will show those who are dominant courtesy. In my case, I guess that I don't feel all people claiming to be dominant are "above" me. So maybe that is why it does not come out naturally like it does with others.
After thinking about her I went through all the people I use titles with...there are a few in real life and a few online. There are even a few who I have called Sir or Ma`am who have told me not to - one persons reason was if I called him by a title that was giving him the authority to dominate me.
Master asked me if I called him Sir right away as He could not remember. And I did because after reading His first email introduction to me it came naturally. There was a hierarchy with Him. And so to me He naturally compelled a natural response from me....a title.
Reminder of place:
The third reason for using titles that was given that I thought was interesting....to basically be a reminder of ones place. And my first thought was there are so many other ways to do that. Especially in our case because we try to live our lives with protocols that can be used in front of vanilla people (even though they don't really understand or notice them) and me using Sir or Ma`am every once in a while to dominants that might be around vanilla friends would not be a good use of reminding me of my place. I am a firm believer in trying to make your lifestyle and life flow seamlessly into a natural ebb and flow so that no matter if you are in the grocery store, PTA meeting or at home you can use protocols.
So again, using titles as a form of protocol to remind the slave of his/her station really does not seem like a big deal to me. I can think of a lot of other ways that would show a slave his/her station more effectively.
Okay Master is done with his work so I need to sign this off but I might have a few more thoughts to write on this tomorrow.
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