Oh so good and so true....it is how i feel...she describes it of course...perfectly...
slave marsha on living in a Master/slave relationship
Saturday, November 22, 2003
Friday, November 21, 2003
Music: watching what not to wear on TLC
Mood: Perky
Topic: Various Topics
Saturday's Horoscope...
His...SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22–Dec 21): It’s your time of year! The Sun will be spending the next four weeks in your sign. It’s your astrological birthday month! This is the time for you to practice wishcraft. Don’t wait until your birthday to light candles and make a wish. Do it every day. But don’t waste your wishes by asking for more than you really need. Keep it in balance and your prayers will be answered.
mine...LIBRA (Sep 23–Oct 22): The intensity is heating up, but you have a detached outlook that can help you through this situation. Try not to get caught up in a battle that isn’t yours. On the other hand, if others are stepping on your values, you’ll probably want to defend your point of view. Just don’t blow things totally out of proportion.
Yesterday I was waiting for Master to get home. Dressed in Nude Control Top Pantyhose (something Master likes) and then a purple satin and lace nightie.
I was just looking at a catalog we get in the mail. It is a "discount healthcare" catalog (not sure how a counter top dishwasher is a healthcare item LOL). It is one of those likes Harriet Carter - that has lots of little things that will "enhance" your life - those can't live without them items LOL
Anyway, this one I always actually get a little titillated looking at because…well some of the things make me think of things that turn me on LOL They have some very ugly looking panties, bras and socks that make me think of Master. He likes that things like that would humiliate me because I think they are ugly and would never "want" to ever wear anything like it.
And then….there are other items that feed into my desires of wetting on myself….
One being plastic panties for a good price…there are other little items that play into too that they have…in that little catalog. *blushing*
I have this theory that I am not sure if I have written about here but have written in my private journal a couple times. It is being brought up again and now here because lately it is coming up again. The topic…women and high sex drives. Several friends online and real life have been talking about they have much higher sex drive then their male partners.
You always hear about after a man gets in a committed relationship that the sex disappears….and my theory is that it is the men who are not "putting out." It is the men…not being interested in sex with their partner anymore. I think men like the pursuit…the hunt and then after they got it...they might care and love the person they are with, but they are not interested in sex with that person anymore because they already hunted that partner.
So the women are there willing, but their male partner has had their sex drive with that female die down…unfortunately.
I am not saying this is a fact or true. It is just something that seems to be what I experience or seen happen a lot around me.
Hiijab (veil)
This is something I have never revealed before…
And am admitting it because of a journal I read…(she will know who she is -smiles-)
I did lots of research once upon a time about the Muslim faith - as I had someone I was interested in who was Muslim. But long before I did that research I had a fascination with the veiled women. I liked the idea of being hidden. There is a sacredness with the rituals....in the rituals that I have with Master...and so wearing a veil would add to that sacredness. It seems graceful and quiet…that is not the word I want but I can't find the right word right now. The women stand out in the veil yet in a very quiet beautiful way. I like the idea of begin a wrapped up package that only my Master sees. I love the idea of modesty - covered, the femininity of my hair and make up taken away. But then I also like the idea of being slutty and dressing that way. So of course I have likes on both sides of my Libra scale.
Why do I like things from both ends of the scale.
I want to be this totally sexual being and I want to be denied.
I want to have friends and be social and I want be cut off.
I want to be treated like a princess and I want to be treated like nothing.
I want to dress sexy and I want to be veiled and covered.
I want humiliation and I want tenderness and understanding.
I want to soft kisses and a romantic night and I want to raped, beaten and used.
I want to pampered and I want to be on the floor eating out of a dog dish while covered in piss and cum.
Master has written about that He has a lot of sadistic thoughts but He is not sure about posting them...I think He should post them *smiles*
Tonight Master was in a bad mood when He came home...and it was understandable. We went out to get groceries and by the time we came home Master was in a better mood. I started to get undressed...no I was undressed and He made me put my bra back on. He motioned for me to come to His side of the bed and I stood there while He just fondled my breasts. He liked the feel of the bra. Before I knew it....we were having sex. mmmmmmmmmmmmm :) Our groceries were not even put away yet....isn't that cool...just spontaneous sex.....so yummy!
Okay going to finish watching What Not to Wear...and eating M&M's :)
Life is like a mirror. If you frown at it, it frowns back. If you smile at it, it returns the greeting. - Herbert Samuels
Mood: Perky
Topic: Various Topics
Saturday's Horoscope...
His...SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22–Dec 21): It’s your time of year! The Sun will be spending the next four weeks in your sign. It’s your astrological birthday month! This is the time for you to practice wishcraft. Don’t wait until your birthday to light candles and make a wish. Do it every day. But don’t waste your wishes by asking for more than you really need. Keep it in balance and your prayers will be answered.
mine...LIBRA (Sep 23–Oct 22): The intensity is heating up, but you have a detached outlook that can help you through this situation. Try not to get caught up in a battle that isn’t yours. On the other hand, if others are stepping on your values, you’ll probably want to defend your point of view. Just don’t blow things totally out of proportion.
+++++++
Yesterday I was waiting for Master to get home. Dressed in Nude Control Top Pantyhose (something Master likes) and then a purple satin and lace nightie.
I was just looking at a catalog we get in the mail. It is a "discount healthcare" catalog (not sure how a counter top dishwasher is a healthcare item LOL). It is one of those likes Harriet Carter - that has lots of little things that will "enhance" your life - those can't live without them items LOL
Anyway, this one I always actually get a little titillated looking at because…well some of the things make me think of things that turn me on LOL They have some very ugly looking panties, bras and socks that make me think of Master. He likes that things like that would humiliate me because I think they are ugly and would never "want" to ever wear anything like it.
And then….there are other items that feed into my desires of wetting on myself….
One being plastic panties for a good price…there are other little items that play into too that they have…in that little catalog. *blushing*
+++++++
I have this theory that I am not sure if I have written about here but have written in my private journal a couple times. It is being brought up again and now here because lately it is coming up again. The topic…women and high sex drives. Several friends online and real life have been talking about they have much higher sex drive then their male partners.
You always hear about after a man gets in a committed relationship that the sex disappears….and my theory is that it is the men who are not "putting out." It is the men…not being interested in sex with their partner anymore. I think men like the pursuit…the hunt and then after they got it...they might care and love the person they are with, but they are not interested in sex with that person anymore because they already hunted that partner.
So the women are there willing, but their male partner has had their sex drive with that female die down…unfortunately.
I am not saying this is a fact or true. It is just something that seems to be what I experience or seen happen a lot around me.
+++++++
Hiijab (veil)
This is something I have never revealed before…
And am admitting it because of a journal I read…(she will know who she is -smiles-)
I did lots of research once upon a time about the Muslim faith - as I had someone I was interested in who was Muslim. But long before I did that research I had a fascination with the veiled women. I liked the idea of being hidden. There is a sacredness with the rituals....in the rituals that I have with Master...and so wearing a veil would add to that sacredness. It seems graceful and quiet…that is not the word I want but I can't find the right word right now. The women stand out in the veil yet in a very quiet beautiful way. I like the idea of begin a wrapped up package that only my Master sees. I love the idea of modesty - covered, the femininity of my hair and make up taken away. But then I also like the idea of being slutty and dressing that way. So of course I have likes on both sides of my Libra scale.
+++++++
Why do I like things from both ends of the scale.
I want to be this totally sexual being and I want to be denied.
I want to have friends and be social and I want be cut off.
I want to be treated like a princess and I want to be treated like nothing.
I want to dress sexy and I want to be veiled and covered.
I want humiliation and I want tenderness and understanding.
I want to soft kisses and a romantic night and I want to raped, beaten and used.
I want to pampered and I want to be on the floor eating out of a dog dish while covered in piss and cum.
+++++++
Master has written about that He has a lot of sadistic thoughts but He is not sure about posting them...I think He should post them *smiles*
Tonight Master was in a bad mood when He came home...and it was understandable. We went out to get groceries and by the time we came home Master was in a better mood. I started to get undressed...no I was undressed and He made me put my bra back on. He motioned for me to come to His side of the bed and I stood there while He just fondled my breasts. He liked the feel of the bra. Before I knew it....we were having sex. mmmmmmmmmmmmm :) Our groceries were not even put away yet....isn't that cool...just spontaneous sex.....so yummy!
Okay going to finish watching What Not to Wear...and eating M&M's :)
Life is like a mirror. If you frown at it, it frowns back. If you smile at it, it returns the greeting. - Herbert Samuels
Thursday, November 20, 2003
"Out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there." ~Rumi
"If you wish to understand yourself, you must succeed in doing so in the midst of all kinds of confusions and upsets. Don't make the mistake of sitting dead in the cold ashes of a withered tree." -Emyo
Our horoscopes for tomorrow...
His...SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22–Dec 21): You may have the wildest and most imaginative ideas now. The big question will be “can you ground your ideas enough to impact reality?” It’s tough to maintain a sense of practicality when your mind is moving so fast and so far out. If you can pull it in just a bit, you have the potential for brilliance. Let it shine.
mine...LIBRA (Sep 23–Oct 22): Don’t put off what you need to do. Act early in the day, for you’ll be riding strong cosmic currents if you do. By midday, the winds of change are blowing strong while changing direction. You may want to fly a kite, for if you play Ben Franklin you’re sure to get struck by lightning. But this isn’t about getting electrocuted. It’s about getting shook up just enough to prevent you from settling back into what’s convenient.
"If you wish to understand yourself, you must succeed in doing so in the midst of all kinds of confusions and upsets. Don't make the mistake of sitting dead in the cold ashes of a withered tree." -Emyo
Our horoscopes for tomorrow...
His...SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22–Dec 21): You may have the wildest and most imaginative ideas now. The big question will be “can you ground your ideas enough to impact reality?” It’s tough to maintain a sense of practicality when your mind is moving so fast and so far out. If you can pull it in just a bit, you have the potential for brilliance. Let it shine.
mine...LIBRA (Sep 23–Oct 22): Don’t put off what you need to do. Act early in the day, for you’ll be riding strong cosmic currents if you do. By midday, the winds of change are blowing strong while changing direction. You may want to fly a kite, for if you play Ben Franklin you’re sure to get struck by lightning. But this isn’t about getting electrocuted. It’s about getting shook up just enough to prevent you from settling back into what’s convenient.
Wednesday, November 19, 2003
Tuesday, November 18, 2003
Master has let me have a day to just veg...catch up on the Buffy episodes I have been taping and surf....soooo here are some quizes for now and I will write a longer entry later today....
Kinky!
Which doll are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
SELENE: You are selene!
Beautiful, vivacious, fierce and seductive, Selene vowed she would destroy Lycans after her family was murdered by the werewolves. So ruthless is she that selene is a member of the Death Dealers. This elite Vampire warrior class's mission is to make the Lycans extinct. This 127-year-old "aggressive hunter of the underworld" combines a mastery of ancient weaponry with modern pleasures, such as driving Jaguars and using computers. However, Selene's ambitions are suppressed by Kraven. She longs for Viktor's reawakening so that he becomes the Vampire's regent once again.
Ever wish you could be a vampire?
Then Click Here to become a Vampire!
Which UNDERWORLD character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Salome
Which bad girl of the Bible are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Kinky!
Which doll are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
SELENE: You are selene!
Beautiful, vivacious, fierce and seductive, Selene vowed she would destroy Lycans after her family was murdered by the werewolves. So ruthless is she that selene is a member of the Death Dealers. This elite Vampire warrior class's mission is to make the Lycans extinct. This 127-year-old "aggressive hunter of the underworld" combines a mastery of ancient weaponry with modern pleasures, such as driving Jaguars and using computers. However, Selene's ambitions are suppressed by Kraven. She longs for Viktor's reawakening so that he becomes the Vampire's regent once again.
Ever wish you could be a vampire?
Then Click Here to become a Vampire!
Which UNDERWORLD character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Salome
Which bad girl of the Bible are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Sunday, November 16, 2003
Saturday, November 15, 2003
Well I am tired....
My parents arrived today. :) It is really good to see them. They seemed to really like everything...Master, His home, the cats, dinner, the evening...so that is good.
We went to a winery today to pick up some wine for dinner. Both of my parents really liked the winery and the wine....they bought 3 bottles while we were there. We then came back to the house and I made dinner. I made smoky mountain chicken, sliced potatoes - roasted with onions and olive oil and then green beans plus herb rolls.
I have been very busy this week and Master was a great help to me this week also. He just offered and just did things and I was very thankful for His help. The house looks amazing right now. I thought back today about how it has been since we left for Ohio that it has not been up to my standards. And I hope to be able to now that we have had things slow down again.
I am really in the mood to write, but I am also tired and so is Master. So I will have to wait. I am not even sure what I would write about anyway. I guess I just have lots of family memories bubbling up and lots of feelings about family. I really am happy my parents are here and really happy they have met Master.
Oh also.....I got to chat with Moni today and it was great to hear her voice. I have been thinking about her this past week and so it was nice to talk to her. I was needing some girl talk.
Horoscopes for tomorrow....I really like Master's....
Master's....SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22–Dec 21): With the Moon in your Solar 9th House of Adventure, you could make plans for something that is totally self-indulgent today--and I am not talking about over-eating or buying extravagant things. I’m talking about doing something. Treating yourself to a journey--physically or within the realms of your imagination. Don’t let the restrictions of mundane reality hold you back. You really can do anything.
mine....LIBRA (Sep 23–Oct 22): Your planet, Venus, is active today, but in very subtle ways. You may feel an inner desire to break out of the restrictions that life is now presenting to you. Or maybe you need to face the self-restraint that you place onto yourself. Either way, circumstances can now issue you a challenge that can be overcome. As you move through this challenge, you can make the breakthrough you were seeking.
My parents arrived today. :) It is really good to see them. They seemed to really like everything...Master, His home, the cats, dinner, the evening...so that is good.
We went to a winery today to pick up some wine for dinner. Both of my parents really liked the winery and the wine....they bought 3 bottles while we were there. We then came back to the house and I made dinner. I made smoky mountain chicken, sliced potatoes - roasted with onions and olive oil and then green beans plus herb rolls.
I have been very busy this week and Master was a great help to me this week also. He just offered and just did things and I was very thankful for His help. The house looks amazing right now. I thought back today about how it has been since we left for Ohio that it has not been up to my standards. And I hope to be able to now that we have had things slow down again.
I am really in the mood to write, but I am also tired and so is Master. So I will have to wait. I am not even sure what I would write about anyway. I guess I just have lots of family memories bubbling up and lots of feelings about family. I really am happy my parents are here and really happy they have met Master.
Oh also.....I got to chat with Moni today and it was great to hear her voice. I have been thinking about her this past week and so it was nice to talk to her. I was needing some girl talk.
Horoscopes for tomorrow....I really like Master's....
Master's....SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22–Dec 21): With the Moon in your Solar 9th House of Adventure, you could make plans for something that is totally self-indulgent today--and I am not talking about over-eating or buying extravagant things. I’m talking about doing something. Treating yourself to a journey--physically or within the realms of your imagination. Don’t let the restrictions of mundane reality hold you back. You really can do anything.
mine....LIBRA (Sep 23–Oct 22): Your planet, Venus, is active today, but in very subtle ways. You may feel an inner desire to break out of the restrictions that life is now presenting to you. Or maybe you need to face the self-restraint that you place onto yourself. Either way, circumstances can now issue you a challenge that can be overcome. As you move through this challenge, you can make the breakthrough you were seeking.
Thursday, November 13, 2003
Yesterday and today have been very productive for me. I do have a feeling that I will still be busy tomorrow and tomorrow night though. I reorganized the bedroom and bedroom closet today as well as put away all the toys *pouting* We have a trunk at the foot of our bed that I put them in so they are still accessible, but not visible like usual. Master has a coat rack in His room that usually has the toys hanging from it, but I thought it was best to put them away out of sight...I don't think my Dad could handle seeing the floggers, crop, cane and single tail. Though I did keep all our erotic and BDSM oriented books on the bookshelves in our bedroom. Jay Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook, The Story of O, The Beauty series, The Marketplace by Laura Antoniou , Fetish Girls and Beauty Parade by photographer Eric Kroll and several others. But the books that will probably disturb my Mom the most are the books on Buddhism and my Tarot books and cards. The erotic ones she will probably not even think twice about but I might get a lecture on the other books.
Last night Master and I watched Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. It was a good episode. The guy they helped I did not think needed any help - ohhhh my was he gorgeous. He was getting help with the Fab 5 so that he could propose to his girlfriend...who was also very hot. Anyway, the guy was totally romantic...he even cried because he was so in awe of what the Fab 5 did for him. Everything was so romantic...flowers tucked in the napkin rings, candles every where, outside there was a moroccan inspired kind of tent of red sheers draping around a center platform with a low table and candles hanging all around it. The guy had 3 boxes of chocolate - one filled with mousse, another filled with raspberries and the third had the engagement ring in it. He gave her the mousse box first, then the raspberry and then the one with the ring. He got on bended knee and proposed to her. It was all very very romantic.
I really liked it...and cried of course. lol
It made me think of romance...sometimes it is something I miss and it seems to me that in the BDSM relationships I have had that romance is not done as often as it is in the vanilla relationships I have had in the past. Which also made me think about that I don't do as many romantic things I used to. And the reason I don't is because it is not done for me. Now that does not seem very "nice" - that I will do it because he will do it. But I think I just got so tired of it being one way that I got resentful and stopped. :(
On to a similar note Master has been very tender while being rough too....
He will kiss my neck and around my ears (which are very hot spots for me) very softly while He is squeezing my breasts and nipples hard...and I am really enjoying it. I like the tenderness....something else I miss from time to time....as in BDSM relationships that I have had that seemed to lost too.
Next...I hope after my parent's visit that Master and I can get the website designed and then up....and so I can get my who's who page back along with all the articles I have written and so on.
Also I found out tonight that J. Mikael Togneri has passed away. :( I did not know him personally. But I knew of him through online articles and when he ran Absolute BDSM (He handed it over to Flagg). He has some articles on Leathernroses. He was very arrogant (which is an attractive quality to me) and very interesting. He will be missed.
Lastly for tonight....surprise surprise I am submissive :)
Pain may or may not be your thing, but chances are at least a little spanking turns you on.
Submissive doesn't mean your a masochist (though you could be!)
It means you like your lover to take charge ... and take care of you
In return, you like to worship your partner - in whatever way (s)he wants!
Are You Dominant or Submissive?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva
Last night Master and I watched Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. It was a good episode. The guy they helped I did not think needed any help - ohhhh my was he gorgeous. He was getting help with the Fab 5 so that he could propose to his girlfriend...who was also very hot. Anyway, the guy was totally romantic...he even cried because he was so in awe of what the Fab 5 did for him. Everything was so romantic...flowers tucked in the napkin rings, candles every where, outside there was a moroccan inspired kind of tent of red sheers draping around a center platform with a low table and candles hanging all around it. The guy had 3 boxes of chocolate - one filled with mousse, another filled with raspberries and the third had the engagement ring in it. He gave her the mousse box first, then the raspberry and then the one with the ring. He got on bended knee and proposed to her. It was all very very romantic.
I really liked it...and cried of course. lol
It made me think of romance...sometimes it is something I miss and it seems to me that in the BDSM relationships I have had that romance is not done as often as it is in the vanilla relationships I have had in the past. Which also made me think about that I don't do as many romantic things I used to. And the reason I don't is because it is not done for me. Now that does not seem very "nice" - that I will do it because he will do it. But I think I just got so tired of it being one way that I got resentful and stopped. :(
On to a similar note Master has been very tender while being rough too....
He will kiss my neck and around my ears (which are very hot spots for me) very softly while He is squeezing my breasts and nipples hard...and I am really enjoying it. I like the tenderness....something else I miss from time to time....as in BDSM relationships that I have had that seemed to lost too.
Next...I hope after my parent's visit that Master and I can get the website designed and then up....and so I can get my who's who page back along with all the articles I have written and so on.
Also I found out tonight that J. Mikael Togneri has passed away. :( I did not know him personally. But I knew of him through online articles and when he ran Absolute BDSM (He handed it over to Flagg). He has some articles on Leathernroses. He was very arrogant (which is an attractive quality to me) and very interesting. He will be missed.
Lastly for tonight....surprise surprise I am submissive :)
You Are Submissive!
Pain may or may not be your thing, but chances are at least a little spanking turns you on.
Submissive doesn't mean your a masochist (though you could be!)
It means you like your lover to take charge ... and take care of you
In return, you like to worship your partner - in whatever way (s)he wants!
Are You Dominant or Submissive?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
Music: Norah Jones
Mood: Good
A Comic Master just sent me in an email. He allowed me to be on a bit this morning so I could chat with girlie. It was good to talk to her as I have not been able to chat with her much. And I am sending her lots of love.
I am not going to be on long, as I have a million things yet to do before Saturday. Everyone send positive energy that the weather is good because they are flying into Denver and then will be driving to Grand Junction...so going through a few mountain passes.
I am feeling really good and positive about just everything in my life right now. It feels good to be so positive.
So I am trying to decide if I should keep the chains attached to the bed or if I should take them off before my parents get here. Master basically said it was up to me.
Oh well lots to do as usual....so I better go get busy and make up for yesterday.
Mood: Good
A Comic Master just sent me in an email. He allowed me to be on a bit this morning so I could chat with girlie. It was good to talk to her as I have not been able to chat with her much. And I am sending her lots of love.
I am not going to be on long, as I have a million things yet to do before Saturday. Everyone send positive energy that the weather is good because they are flying into Denver and then will be driving to Grand Junction...so going through a few mountain passes.
I am feeling really good and positive about just everything in my life right now. It feels good to be so positive.
So I am trying to decide if I should keep the chains attached to the bed or if I should take them off before my parents get here. Master basically said it was up to me.
Oh well lots to do as usual....so I better go get busy and make up for yesterday.
Tuesday, November 11, 2003
Music: Watching Buffy
Mood: Up and down
Topic: Dealing with change
Right now I have emotions all over the place....and I will get to why they are in a bit....
I recently answered a post on a message board…someone was asking about what do you do when you don't have enough time to play. And I said that you just need to make time to do things so that you don't fall into the vanilla quicksand. Even when tired. Because I know when I have forced myself to do whatever when I am tired that I feel better afterwards. Also there are always things that could be taken out…does the laundry need to be done at that moment? Do we really need to sit in front of the TV all night? Do we need to be online? There are things that can't be put off, but there are things that can be and so if a little quality time together is needed….then do it.
Master wrote in his journal about things not being how we both want them and that He has been in a rut.
It has been hard, but through it all I had faith in us. I knew we both want the same things and even though He was not there right now I knew He would get us back on track again. I also knew through this all that He was in control. I still knew my job was to please and serve Him and I tried to the best of my ability.
I am not going to lie. It has been hard. I never wanted to be one of those types that whine about not having S&M. As I have said though I do think S&M produces endorphins that are good for my mental health. Could I live without it? Yes I could. Would it make me a less "happy" person? Yes most likely. Do I want to live without it? No way I do not want to LOL
Master and slave relationships to me are just like any relationship. When in a vanilla relationships, we go through times when it is more exciting and other times when life is just so busy you barely have time to breath. And the same goes with Master/slave relationships, but the foundation was set in place with our Master/slave relationship so that when it did start to change we were okay. We did not fall apart. We rode it out.
Our foundation of our relationship was there. Master is in control of our relationship. I am to serve and please and we have faith in each other. And that is what will always get us through the hard spots.
Some things that have helped me get through this:
~ I am here to serve and please Him. I know that must seem obvious, but there are some days it is really hard to serve. But then I think of the big picture...I do want to serve and please. And I said I would.
~ He is in control and to just do as I am suppose to will make it go smoother. If I were to try to fix (meaning control) then it would just make things worse....because our dynamics and foundation is set that Master is the one in control and I am the one that serves and obeys.
~ Be respectful, grateful, trusting, vulnerable and have faith.
I just tried to serve, please and keep quiet. I did not feel I could "say" anything that would help or that did not feel to me that I was trying to control things so I just served.
I am sure these things seem obvious, but in the moment of frustration, confusion, sadness, and all those other wonderful emotions I think it is hard to remember them...and so spelling them out has helped for me.
So....now....Master is more interested in S&M again....and I know He will micromanaging me more again.
And it is hard....I am trying to just keep the principles I did while going through this time we have....
But it is hard because my emotions seem to have spiked during this next turn on our path....with S&M being added back in to our relationship. While I am very happy to be playing more...it is kind of scary and I have a low tolerance for pain....
So it is hard...
Also the pain brings out intense emotions...and then add in the fear of what is going on....what He is doing...and it overwhelms me because I have forgotten how to act, how to get through those moments and when I have need pain for so long to finally have it....it is a release....
This morning I just broke down crying....emotions just overflowed....I tried to just go with it...but I could not hold back the tears. I felt awful because I wanted to keep it in....I just wanted to go along with what Master did....
But I cried.
Master still used me....but it was so full of emotions and I am having problems processing the emotions. I am not even sure why I am feeling what I am feeling or better yet what I am feeling.
What is kind of ironic I had finally started to get the acceptance of no expectations of what was going on...just acceptance of no S&M and acceptance that I was Master's servant and partner but not slut or whore or masochist. And now....I have to turn around again and head back the direction I had kind of turned my back on...
I just don't feel I am making sense at all...
Over all I need to learn to deal with this....I am happy we are playing more....and I do need to learn how to deal with the micromanaging that is going to be stepping up more and more.
Okay on to other things....
Yesterday was productive and today was totally non-productive....
Last night was good Master and I went to Matrix Revolution and it was AWESOME! I am not going to write about it right now because I don't want to ruin it for anyone...
But I just wanted to say I really loved it! :)
Mood: Up and down
Topic: Dealing with change
Right now I have emotions all over the place....and I will get to why they are in a bit....
I recently answered a post on a message board…someone was asking about what do you do when you don't have enough time to play. And I said that you just need to make time to do things so that you don't fall into the vanilla quicksand. Even when tired. Because I know when I have forced myself to do whatever when I am tired that I feel better afterwards. Also there are always things that could be taken out…does the laundry need to be done at that moment? Do we really need to sit in front of the TV all night? Do we need to be online? There are things that can't be put off, but there are things that can be and so if a little quality time together is needed….then do it.
Master wrote in his journal about things not being how we both want them and that He has been in a rut.
It has been hard, but through it all I had faith in us. I knew we both want the same things and even though He was not there right now I knew He would get us back on track again. I also knew through this all that He was in control. I still knew my job was to please and serve Him and I tried to the best of my ability.
I am not going to lie. It has been hard. I never wanted to be one of those types that whine about not having S&M. As I have said though I do think S&M produces endorphins that are good for my mental health. Could I live without it? Yes I could. Would it make me a less "happy" person? Yes most likely. Do I want to live without it? No way I do not want to LOL
Master and slave relationships to me are just like any relationship. When in a vanilla relationships, we go through times when it is more exciting and other times when life is just so busy you barely have time to breath. And the same goes with Master/slave relationships, but the foundation was set in place with our Master/slave relationship so that when it did start to change we were okay. We did not fall apart. We rode it out.
Our foundation of our relationship was there. Master is in control of our relationship. I am to serve and please and we have faith in each other. And that is what will always get us through the hard spots.
Some things that have helped me get through this:
~ I am here to serve and please Him. I know that must seem obvious, but there are some days it is really hard to serve. But then I think of the big picture...I do want to serve and please. And I said I would.
~ He is in control and to just do as I am suppose to will make it go smoother. If I were to try to fix (meaning control) then it would just make things worse....because our dynamics and foundation is set that Master is the one in control and I am the one that serves and obeys.
~ Be respectful, grateful, trusting, vulnerable and have faith.
I just tried to serve, please and keep quiet. I did not feel I could "say" anything that would help or that did not feel to me that I was trying to control things so I just served.
I am sure these things seem obvious, but in the moment of frustration, confusion, sadness, and all those other wonderful emotions I think it is hard to remember them...and so spelling them out has helped for me.
So....now....Master is more interested in S&M again....and I know He will micromanaging me more again.
And it is hard....I am trying to just keep the principles I did while going through this time we have....
But it is hard because my emotions seem to have spiked during this next turn on our path....with S&M being added back in to our relationship. While I am very happy to be playing more...it is kind of scary and I have a low tolerance for pain....
So it is hard...
Also the pain brings out intense emotions...and then add in the fear of what is going on....what He is doing...and it overwhelms me because I have forgotten how to act, how to get through those moments and when I have need pain for so long to finally have it....it is a release....
This morning I just broke down crying....emotions just overflowed....I tried to just go with it...but I could not hold back the tears. I felt awful because I wanted to keep it in....I just wanted to go along with what Master did....
But I cried.
Master still used me....but it was so full of emotions and I am having problems processing the emotions. I am not even sure why I am feeling what I am feeling or better yet what I am feeling.
What is kind of ironic I had finally started to get the acceptance of no expectations of what was going on...just acceptance of no S&M and acceptance that I was Master's servant and partner but not slut or whore or masochist. And now....I have to turn around again and head back the direction I had kind of turned my back on...
I just don't feel I am making sense at all...
Over all I need to learn to deal with this....I am happy we are playing more....and I do need to learn how to deal with the micromanaging that is going to be stepping up more and more.
Okay on to other things....
Yesterday was productive and today was totally non-productive....
Last night was good Master and I went to Matrix Revolution and it was AWESOME! I am not going to write about it right now because I don't want to ruin it for anyone...
But I just wanted to say I really loved it! :)
Monday, November 10, 2003
Well we finished dinner....Master is watching football. So I asked to do a blog entry....
I made this pie thing with mashed potatoes for dinner. This is the first time I have ever made real mashed potatoes. And they turned out no lumps or anything! It was much easier then I thought it would be actually. Master really liked them.
After I am done with this entry, I will have to go get dressed. Master and I are going to Matrix Revolution tonight. :) We watched Reloaded again Saturday night. Every time I see any of the Matrix movies I catch more and more. Anyway, I am looking forward to seeing Revolution.
Today was a pretty good day for me. It started out with Master fucking me with a hood on...and then after he fucked me He did some breath play and then slapped and punched my tits until I was begging and squirming and writhing. He then used the vibrator on me to make me cum. *blush* It was a nice way to start the day.
We have not played in a while so just even a little S&M this morning was really nice.
After Master went off to work, I began one of many projects on my list this week and I finished the projects on todays list by the time Master came home. He came home early today because of his cold, so he was home by 1:30. So I feel really good about getting that accomplished today. Tomorrow I have more projects to do and have asked Master for some help since He is home tomorrow. Plus I have some boxes of His stuff that I don't know what to do with...so I need Him go through and organize those.
I am going to need to find something that I can make for dessert one night while my parents are here that is okay for diabetics. I had thought of several things I wanted to make and then scratched them all off my list because I remembered Mom being diabetic. She was just diagnosed this summer. I was going to make cinnamon rolls too and now I am trying to find a muffin recipe that she would be able to eat. Anyone has any ideas please feel free to drop me an email or leave a note in the comments.
I need to go get ready but....here is a story of old...yes...I am continuing....
One night he had me sucking on his cock on and off all evening. He was really hard and horny. He finally told me he could not stand it any longer and had me undress. He pushed me down on the bed to fuck me. He just was not able to have an orgasm for some reason. He was getting frustrated because he was not able to cum. He stopped….He did not have an orgasm. He kept telling me that I did not do what I was suppose to. That I was not a good fuck. That I just expected to have pleasure and not give any to him. He then said he might have to find someone who is a good fuck.
He told me to get dressed….I was crying. Because all the things he said…I believed totally without a doubt.
He then drove us to a bar. It was a bar we had been in before. He told me to go in and sit at the bar. He gave me money to get drinks. And he then came in a few moments afterwards. He sat down at a table. Pretty soon…he saw someone he liked….and made his move. He first bought her a drink and then they started talking. He was very charming. They danced a little while I sat watching from the mirror over the bar. I had my back towards him but could see everything in the mirror. And he wanted it that way.
The bartender looked at me. And looked at Don. He did not say anything but I knew he remembered that I was Don's girl. Soon I saw Don leave with the girl. I panicked for a moment not knowing what I would do if he left me there. And then I calmed down and knew he would come for me when he wanted me. I kept drinking diet cokes and had several men come up to me to talk and ask me to dance and such but I said no that I was waiting for someone. Two hours later Don came back. He walked in with the girl…he walked over to me….with her. And said, "Sophie…this slut is danae." The girl said, "oh she is a slut like me." And he said, "oh no she is not as good as you and infact she is pretty pathetic."
He then proceeded to tell the girl while I was sitting there that he had me sucking on him most of the evening and then ended up fucking me but that I did not turn him on enough to get him off and that is why he came looking for her. The girl laughed and said you are right that is pretty pathetic. She went on to say how great he was to fuck and how that I must have a really awful pussy. I sat there looking down near tears. I did not say anything. They continued to talk about me like I wasn't even there. After a bit he kissed the girl bye and told me to get my coat on. He brought me back to his place and told me he felt that I needed to be punished for not pleasing him. So he had me undress…
I was crying and telling him I was sorry. I was so incredibly racked with guilt that he had to go find someone else to fuck. He told me that my body needed to respond more to him. And that if it would not respond during pleasure that maybe I needed to feel more pain and that he needed to be harder on me.
He put a tape gag on me first. He had hooks in his ceiling and he took and bound my breasts and then put clamps on them and strung them up on a hook. He kept pulling until I was just about to be on my tippy toes. He then tied my wrists together and pulled them up and laced that through another hook on the ceiling.
He then started to cane me. Every stroke of the cane moved my body so that the clamps pulled and if I tried to move at all between the strokes of course that pulled on them too. My ass soon was on fire with the caning. I had tears down my face. My breasts were on fire as well from being so sensitive being bound - and then being yanked on when I was hit with the cane. But I also felt the burn between my legs...burn to be fucked because I was getting so turned on.
It seemed like I was there forever…..
He took me down, undid all the wrappings, took the tape off and then told me….
That I was good girl to give him everything he wanted. I was confused. I just starred at him with tears running down my face. He held me, kissed me and talked to me softly. And then not even 10 mins later…he was fucking me, telling me how wet my cunt was for him, and telling me that I was a good fuck. He kept squeezing my breasts and they hurt so much. I would buck from the pain and he would tell me that I was acting like a whore in heat.
Then I remember him telling me that he owns me…owns me in pleasure in pain and in use and abuse. That he can do anything to me. I remember crying and saying....yes yes yes....over and over again to him.
He came and then of course told me to go home. I cried myself to sleep and was confused but still I was his and I knew it and those feelings felt so good.
I made this pie thing with mashed potatoes for dinner. This is the first time I have ever made real mashed potatoes. And they turned out no lumps or anything! It was much easier then I thought it would be actually. Master really liked them.
After I am done with this entry, I will have to go get dressed. Master and I are going to Matrix Revolution tonight. :) We watched Reloaded again Saturday night. Every time I see any of the Matrix movies I catch more and more. Anyway, I am looking forward to seeing Revolution.
Today was a pretty good day for me. It started out with Master fucking me with a hood on...and then after he fucked me He did some breath play and then slapped and punched my tits until I was begging and squirming and writhing. He then used the vibrator on me to make me cum. *blush* It was a nice way to start the day.
We have not played in a while so just even a little S&M this morning was really nice.
After Master went off to work, I began one of many projects on my list this week and I finished the projects on todays list by the time Master came home. He came home early today because of his cold, so he was home by 1:30. So I feel really good about getting that accomplished today. Tomorrow I have more projects to do and have asked Master for some help since He is home tomorrow. Plus I have some boxes of His stuff that I don't know what to do with...so I need Him go through and organize those.
I am going to need to find something that I can make for dessert one night while my parents are here that is okay for diabetics. I had thought of several things I wanted to make and then scratched them all off my list because I remembered Mom being diabetic. She was just diagnosed this summer. I was going to make cinnamon rolls too and now I am trying to find a muffin recipe that she would be able to eat. Anyone has any ideas please feel free to drop me an email or leave a note in the comments.
***********
I need to go get ready but....here is a story of old...yes...I am continuing....
One night he had me sucking on his cock on and off all evening. He was really hard and horny. He finally told me he could not stand it any longer and had me undress. He pushed me down on the bed to fuck me. He just was not able to have an orgasm for some reason. He was getting frustrated because he was not able to cum. He stopped….He did not have an orgasm. He kept telling me that I did not do what I was suppose to. That I was not a good fuck. That I just expected to have pleasure and not give any to him. He then said he might have to find someone who is a good fuck.
He told me to get dressed….I was crying. Because all the things he said…I believed totally without a doubt.
He then drove us to a bar. It was a bar we had been in before. He told me to go in and sit at the bar. He gave me money to get drinks. And he then came in a few moments afterwards. He sat down at a table. Pretty soon…he saw someone he liked….and made his move. He first bought her a drink and then they started talking. He was very charming. They danced a little while I sat watching from the mirror over the bar. I had my back towards him but could see everything in the mirror. And he wanted it that way.
The bartender looked at me. And looked at Don. He did not say anything but I knew he remembered that I was Don's girl. Soon I saw Don leave with the girl. I panicked for a moment not knowing what I would do if he left me there. And then I calmed down and knew he would come for me when he wanted me. I kept drinking diet cokes and had several men come up to me to talk and ask me to dance and such but I said no that I was waiting for someone. Two hours later Don came back. He walked in with the girl…he walked over to me….with her. And said, "Sophie…this slut is danae." The girl said, "oh she is a slut like me." And he said, "oh no she is not as good as you and infact she is pretty pathetic."
He then proceeded to tell the girl while I was sitting there that he had me sucking on him most of the evening and then ended up fucking me but that I did not turn him on enough to get him off and that is why he came looking for her. The girl laughed and said you are right that is pretty pathetic. She went on to say how great he was to fuck and how that I must have a really awful pussy. I sat there looking down near tears. I did not say anything. They continued to talk about me like I wasn't even there. After a bit he kissed the girl bye and told me to get my coat on. He brought me back to his place and told me he felt that I needed to be punished for not pleasing him. So he had me undress…
I was crying and telling him I was sorry. I was so incredibly racked with guilt that he had to go find someone else to fuck. He told me that my body needed to respond more to him. And that if it would not respond during pleasure that maybe I needed to feel more pain and that he needed to be harder on me.
He put a tape gag on me first. He had hooks in his ceiling and he took and bound my breasts and then put clamps on them and strung them up on a hook. He kept pulling until I was just about to be on my tippy toes. He then tied my wrists together and pulled them up and laced that through another hook on the ceiling.
He then started to cane me. Every stroke of the cane moved my body so that the clamps pulled and if I tried to move at all between the strokes of course that pulled on them too. My ass soon was on fire with the caning. I had tears down my face. My breasts were on fire as well from being so sensitive being bound - and then being yanked on when I was hit with the cane. But I also felt the burn between my legs...burn to be fucked because I was getting so turned on.
It seemed like I was there forever…..
He took me down, undid all the wrappings, took the tape off and then told me….
That I was good girl to give him everything he wanted. I was confused. I just starred at him with tears running down my face. He held me, kissed me and talked to me softly. And then not even 10 mins later…he was fucking me, telling me how wet my cunt was for him, and telling me that I was a good fuck. He kept squeezing my breasts and they hurt so much. I would buck from the pain and he would tell me that I was acting like a whore in heat.
Then I remember him telling me that he owns me…owns me in pleasure in pain and in use and abuse. That he can do anything to me. I remember crying and saying....yes yes yes....over and over again to him.
He came and then of course told me to go home. I cried myself to sleep and was confused but still I was his and I knew it and those feelings felt so good.
Sunday, November 09, 2003
Okay I feel a quiz day and bunch of dailies answered....coming on lol
You are fire. Wild, fun, passionet and sexy. You
rock... GRRR ... very GGRRR. Give me a call
sexy ^_~
What's your element
brought to you by Quizilla
Yeah Yeah an Amy Brown picture. :)
And another....
You're a Moon babe: A guarded exterior protects your sensitive and emotional nature, so you don't often share your deepest feelings. You've got a great memory, a wild imagination, and keen intuition. You put your trust in these qualities rather than in what you're learning in school. Though you're tight with your fam, you still need to retreat from them on occcasion. Your amigas mean a lot to you, and you'd do anything any of them asked you to without needing to know why. But you tend to lecture them at times instead of just being their friend. When a bud talks behind your back, you hold a grudge for months. Your feelings for a special someone can run deep. But since you've been burned before, you tend to steer clear of potential relationships. Some guys figure that you're just playing hard to get, so they keep on coming back to drink in more of your ultra-feminine ways.
What Do Your Looks Reveal About You? (7 Possible Detailed Outcomes)!
brought to you by Quizilla
I found that one kind of interesting as have had moon in nicknames over the years...particularly moonaura. And I also think a lot of that sounds like me.
CATCHIN' SOME ZZZZZ'S
1. How many hours of sleep do average per day/night? wow that one is a hard one for me. The last 2 nights I have slept all through the night! *doing a happy dance* But usually I get about 4 hours of sleep :(
2. Are you a bed or blanket hog? At times LOL I am both but if anything I am a blanket hog because I get cold
3. Are you a sleepwalker? no i am not
4. Do you have recurring dreams? yes i do
5. Do you talk in your sleep? yes sometimes
BLOGGING
1. How long have you had your blog? a little over 3 years
2. Do you post on a daily basis? no but i wish i would
3. Do you have a list of daily reads? If yes, do you visit them daily? yes i do pretty much
4. What is the longest period of time you have gone without posting an entry? a week, i think
5. Do you have more than one blog? no not anymore
I am truly passionate.
You're excited about life and in touch with yourself and nature. Tell me, do I have this straight?
Virtues: You appreciate humor like none other. Puns might even spark laughter in you (TEHY R FUNNI). You seek adventure and connection with your surroundings. You seek friends who will not only share laughs with you but actually form a deep bond of trust and empathy beneath the surface. You look for adventure and courage in people, and variation is necessary to keep you under control. You see yourself as multi-faceted, so you need people who can see you in your many lights. You're constantly trying to figure yourself out while analyzing the people around you. Silly, silly people.
Aspirations: You can't decide what you want to be yet, but you know you want it to be adventures and interesting, with constant changes. You don't know what love will do for you yet, but it's competing with adventure for a place in your heart. An internal conflict has begun: can you be a successful worker, lover, and parent all at once?
Quirks: Noise of any sort is irritating when you're in the mood. Smacking gum, loud chewing, humming- it's about as pleasing as bodily noises. You dislike emaciated people because of jealousy and just plain disgust. You're a procrastinator but a hard worker, too.
Factors: You need constant attention and support. You're high-maintnence, but a great, reliable friend. Nature needs you and you need nature; it's helped thus far, so keep in touch with the outside world.
Future: Who knows! You absolutely need constant change, so vacationing is surely in the cards. Will you settle down or not? Love will find you eventually, as it does to everyone. Will you choose the sweet home life or the rewarding busy-bee life?
You are fire. Wild, fun, passionet and sexy. You
rock... GRRR ... very GGRRR. Give me a call
sexy ^_~
What's your element
brought to you by Quizilla
Yeah Yeah an Amy Brown picture. :)
And another....
You're a Moon babe: A guarded exterior protects your sensitive and emotional nature, so you don't often share your deepest feelings. You've got a great memory, a wild imagination, and keen intuition. You put your trust in these qualities rather than in what you're learning in school. Though you're tight with your fam, you still need to retreat from them on occcasion. Your amigas mean a lot to you, and you'd do anything any of them asked you to without needing to know why. But you tend to lecture them at times instead of just being their friend. When a bud talks behind your back, you hold a grudge for months. Your feelings for a special someone can run deep. But since you've been burned before, you tend to steer clear of potential relationships. Some guys figure that you're just playing hard to get, so they keep on coming back to drink in more of your ultra-feminine ways.
What Do Your Looks Reveal About You? (7 Possible Detailed Outcomes)!
brought to you by Quizilla
I found that one kind of interesting as have had moon in nicknames over the years...particularly moonaura. And I also think a lot of that sounds like me.
CATCHIN' SOME ZZZZZ'S
1. How many hours of sleep do average per day/night? wow that one is a hard one for me. The last 2 nights I have slept all through the night! *doing a happy dance* But usually I get about 4 hours of sleep :(
2. Are you a bed or blanket hog? At times LOL I am both but if anything I am a blanket hog because I get cold
3. Are you a sleepwalker? no i am not
4. Do you have recurring dreams? yes i do
5. Do you talk in your sleep? yes sometimes
BLOGGING
1. How long have you had your blog? a little over 3 years
2. Do you post on a daily basis? no but i wish i would
3. Do you have a list of daily reads? If yes, do you visit them daily? yes i do pretty much
4. What is the longest period of time you have gone without posting an entry? a week, i think
5. Do you have more than one blog? no not anymore
I am truly passionate.
You're excited about life and in touch with yourself and nature. Tell me, do I have this straight?
Virtues: You appreciate humor like none other. Puns might even spark laughter in you (TEHY R FUNNI). You seek adventure and connection with your surroundings. You seek friends who will not only share laughs with you but actually form a deep bond of trust and empathy beneath the surface. You look for adventure and courage in people, and variation is necessary to keep you under control. You see yourself as multi-faceted, so you need people who can see you in your many lights. You're constantly trying to figure yourself out while analyzing the people around you. Silly, silly people.
Aspirations: You can't decide what you want to be yet, but you know you want it to be adventures and interesting, with constant changes. You don't know what love will do for you yet, but it's competing with adventure for a place in your heart. An internal conflict has begun: can you be a successful worker, lover, and parent all at once?
Quirks: Noise of any sort is irritating when you're in the mood. Smacking gum, loud chewing, humming- it's about as pleasing as bodily noises. You dislike emaciated people because of jealousy and just plain disgust. You're a procrastinator but a hard worker, too.
Factors: You need constant attention and support. You're high-maintnence, but a great, reliable friend. Nature needs you and you need nature; it's helped thus far, so keep in touch with the outside world.
Future: Who knows! You absolutely need constant change, so vacationing is surely in the cards. Will you settle down or not? Love will find you eventually, as it does to everyone. Will you choose the sweet home life or the rewarding busy-bee life?
Saturday, November 08, 2003
Really sad just saw a recipe on BettyCrocker.com. It looked pretty good. It is one I sent to Bill and Lisa because it sounded like something their kids would like....and so I scroll to the bottom. It says:
High Altitude: Not Recommended
LOL
That is the first time I have seen a recipe that says it is not a good idea to make that...they usually just give the changes lol
High Altitude: Not Recommended
LOL
That is the first time I have seen a recipe that says it is not a good idea to make that...they usually just give the changes lol
Horoscope....LIBRA (Sep 23–Oct 22): You Librans want to get into the act now, but may find it difficult to jump right in. You need not miss the action, even if it doesn’t have your name up there in bright lights. Be content with your place, for things started now will surely come full circle.
Well I am feeling somewhat better today. Not great. And certainly not symptom free of the flu I have...but at least a little better.
Last nights dreams were full of Don and now I am wondering if I am bringing him too much to the surface. After I posted this morning of our time that still was "bad"...I had a feeling come over me that was not a good feeling. In the past when I have thought of Don I would get a feeling that made me feel covered in something not good. It made me feel like there was a bad in me that I needed to get out. And as I described lately when I had thought of him....there had been no ill feelings basically. It had been calm....and seemed to just an acceptance. But today the feelings crept back....that disheartened me some....
So not sure if I will keep going forward with the thoughts....the memories....the stories of old.
Okay next topic TV...
On to something Master said I have not commented on in my blogger yet and I realized I hadn't. I am totally getting hooked on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy! :) Last night we were watching and I started to have a coughing attack because I was laughing so much. Carson is my favorite. He makes me laugh the most. But Jai is sooo cute! :) Yes I know he is gay but I can still look LOL
Trading Spaces I still love also but I am kind of annoyed that they are introducing more new designers and carpenters. I even saw on the newletter I get for Trading Spaces they are looking for another carpenter. I don't see enough of my favorites as it is now...so I really hope they don't add anymore new people. I can't even remember the last time I saw a room by Vern. :(
I also like House Invaders. It is on BBC America. Anna Ryder Richardson is my favorite of the designers on there and she will be making an apperance on Trading Spaces sometime this month. I like that show because it takes what you have in your house - paint, wood, old furniture, fabric and basically just creates new from old. They come in and will change 3 rooms....and some of the changes to me are just amazing what they can do with things we already have around the house.
I have become more of a tv junkie since being with Master. Before the only show I watched really was Buffy the Vampire Slayer and now....the tv is on almost all day while I do things around here.
The other thing that I have been getting hooked on lately is LiveJournal's...mostly dealing with being domestic or recipes. Here are a couple of community journals that I frequent....
Reciple Exchange
Hip Domestics
Natural Living
Domestic Bliss
Well I am feeling somewhat better today. Not great. And certainly not symptom free of the flu I have...but at least a little better.
Last nights dreams were full of Don and now I am wondering if I am bringing him too much to the surface. After I posted this morning of our time that still was "bad"...I had a feeling come over me that was not a good feeling. In the past when I have thought of Don I would get a feeling that made me feel covered in something not good. It made me feel like there was a bad in me that I needed to get out. And as I described lately when I had thought of him....there had been no ill feelings basically. It had been calm....and seemed to just an acceptance. But today the feelings crept back....that disheartened me some....
So not sure if I will keep going forward with the thoughts....the memories....the stories of old.
Okay next topic TV...
On to something Master said I have not commented on in my blogger yet and I realized I hadn't. I am totally getting hooked on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy! :) Last night we were watching and I started to have a coughing attack because I was laughing so much. Carson is my favorite. He makes me laugh the most. But Jai is sooo cute! :) Yes I know he is gay but I can still look LOL
Trading Spaces I still love also but I am kind of annoyed that they are introducing more new designers and carpenters. I even saw on the newletter I get for Trading Spaces they are looking for another carpenter. I don't see enough of my favorites as it is now...so I really hope they don't add anymore new people. I can't even remember the last time I saw a room by Vern. :(
I also like House Invaders. It is on BBC America. Anna Ryder Richardson is my favorite of the designers on there and she will be making an apperance on Trading Spaces sometime this month. I like that show because it takes what you have in your house - paint, wood, old furniture, fabric and basically just creates new from old. They come in and will change 3 rooms....and some of the changes to me are just amazing what they can do with things we already have around the house.
I have become more of a tv junkie since being with Master. Before the only show I watched really was Buffy the Vampire Slayer and now....the tv is on almost all day while I do things around here.
The other thing that I have been getting hooked on lately is LiveJournal's...mostly dealing with being domestic or recipes. Here are a couple of community journals that I frequent....
Reciple Exchange
Hip Domestics
Natural Living
Domestic Bliss
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