danae

I just was reading old archives specifically last Novembers...and I am just so annoyed at Di again in this moment and I let go of so much anger last month and reading some entries and remember how it was....really really just annoys me that she sat there and let me talk about Todd and get upset and cry and lied to my face...so nice huh? Such a good friend (said with HEAVY sarcasm). Anyway it is just a moment...I am sure I will be past it by the end of the day. Far more important things in my life then to let myself be bummed about then her lol

She is probably very lucky we did not end up doing that tarot reading that day because if I had been there watching...I would have had evidence on the table before me that would have helped me not stop pushing the dreams I had away. I would have confronted her then. I actually wish that is the way it would have happened. Then I would not have kept having the dreams. I need to start trusting my dreams more. I actually am....one reason I am going to do something I don't want to do but feel it is the best for me.

I also got sad because last years entries about Nick made me sad....I remember wanting to visit him last year at that time. And the reasons I couldn't. It seems now that I just should have said I am coming. Oh so submissive *smiles* But....at least we would know by now....*shrugs*

Then top it off I talk about work lots and I miss my business but I don't want to do that again as it took up all my time.

Right now is a big time for me to be reflecting....every year is like this....

Something else I should probably write about that I have not been....

I have had lots of things with my past....my childhood come up lately. I had 2 flashbacks while in Detroit. I have had some with M. And my nightmares are becoming more vivid...I am remember more of them. I have always had them...nightmares but I would wake and not remember them just know that they were about him...and that was it. Now I am remembering more of them. :(

This time of year is not the time of year I really want to be dealing with it either. :(