danae

Music: Frida Soundtrack
Mood: Good
Topics: Ayn Rand, life with Master, Buddhism and my service and just a little about League of Extrodinary Gentlemen

This morning I woke up with a migraine so Master took it easy on me. He did not sleep well last night so He was already up when I woke. I ate some breakfast with Him as I needed to eat something to take meds. I woke up from a couple unusual dreams last night the first one I remember was of Mistress DM. And then the other I was hiding from someone and to get away I had to have sex with this man in return for him helping me get away. Not sure what I was trying to get away from.

Lots of things I want to write about topics today Ayn Rand, just life in general here with Master and then just a little on my beliefs in Buddhism mixed with my service to Master.

Well first Ayn Rand...

When I was college I read all or maybe most of Atlas Shrugged, but I don't remember reading it. I mean I remember some of it - I remember that while I read it being impacted by it. But then there was lots of bad things that went on during that time period and so I just think I blocked that whole section of my life out - including why that booked impacted me at that time.

Then 9 years ago I met a man online...a much older man. I was in my late 20's and he was in his early 70's. He was a big Ayn Rand fan and he suggested before I got into her bigger works to read a smaller work of her's....The Anthem. I read it over and over and over again before having to bring it back to the library. It was a good book. It was not like anything I usually read. It had kind of sci-fi feel to it - but put to poetry. Her words flowed like poetry. I liked the theme of the book too. It was a society of where it was "we"- no "I" in the society. They were taught to think as a whole instead of being individualized. When a person was born they were picked to do whatever profession - you might be really interested in electricity but if you were put as cook that is what you did. You were discouraged to not think outside of what you were taught to do. You were taught that thinking you might like to learn more about electricity was BAD for the "WE" - the whole. There was no reading as I recall - everything was taught to them by some sort of counsel. As I said it was 9 years ago when I read it and I know there was a name for the counsel but I can't remember it. The book then turned to a few people that wanted to be "I" instead of "we." It was a very good book.

At that time in my life I had the nick name annkneeling. My middle name is ann. So after reading Ayn Rand's The Anthem I changed the spelling of my nick to aynkneeling. (BTW I know Ayn is not pronounced Ann) And kept it that way for several years. I even had it when I created Ayn's Place - my adult picture list on yahoogroups.

I bought a copy of Atlas Shrugged, after reading The Anthem and started to read it again, but then I had lots of things going on in my life that were not pleasant so I have never read finished it.

The reason I am writing about all this is...I visited SoulHuntre's weblog last night and he is reading Atlas Shrugged. And the book seems to be having a big impact on him. And now made me wonder if I have that book here with me - or is it still in a box waiting to brought to Colorado. I would like to start reading it again.

I, at one time, had many Ayn Rand quotes and many were D/s oriented. Ayn Rand was very much into expressing her opinions and beliefs - into women expressing them too, but she had a lot of power exchange things going on in her books. And her books were very sensual even without sex involved. The feel to them was at times raw and yet sensual. The characters are...real I guess is how I see it.

I just did a search on my computer to see if I still had any of the quotes...I was thinking I had those before my computer crash. I only found one...

"And I gave her the most feminine of aspect; the look of being chained."

I like that of course...as I am Master's willing chained captive.

Ayn Rand has a whole philosophy of study....called Objectivism. From what I gather this is kind of the essential:

Metaphysics: Objective Reality
Epistemology: Reason
Ethics: Self-interest
Politics: Capitalism

Now right there that is the basic...And here how she translated those She then translated those terms into familiar language:

"Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed."
"You can't eat your cake and have it, too."
"Man is an end in himself."
"Give me liberty or give me death."

Now usually if I read more then the article on Essentials of Objectivism it goes over my head. I will get pieces here and there, but to put it all together other then the above article - I am like what did they mean? lol

Not sure if I totally agree with it but some things I do agree with for the most part.

Okay so that is my rant on Ayn Rand.

This morning before Master left my meds had started to kick in so I was starting to feel a little better, but we were still not wanting to do the ritual shower - because making me too fuzzy - like that does He felt might not be good for my headache. But while He was getting dressed - He was pulling the belt off of one pair of jeans to put on another and He snapped the belt. I had read a post from a friend of ours about her Dominant putting a belt around her neck -which is oh so yummy! But it made me think of being beaten by a belt. And so when Master pulled that off and made it snap - of course that made me wiggle. And He noticed and so He started to beat me with it. First with the blanket still on me then pulling that back and then on top of my panties and then He pulled the panties down. He did not do it too long - again fear of making my headache worse. It hurt a lot, but was one of those - oh so good hurts. *blushing* He then got in bed with me and snuggled and then did something He is really into right now - He started to punch my arm. My arm has a scatter of bruises all over it from Him doing that whenever He gets the urge - that urge seems to come up A LOT! lol He then stopped and just kissed me passionately and let me snuggle down into His arms. But then He had to go to work *pouting* I tried to get to sleep for a while - but I just was not able to rest. My headache is almost gone - yippee! I would hate to be going into the weekend with a migraine. yucky! So good deal that it is almost gone.

At Thunder there were moments...that were moments that happen at home lots....

Where Master just starts slapping me, punching me, pressing on the carotid artery...just out of the blue. We will be watching TV and I sit on the floor in front of Him and He will lean over and just start punching my tits, arms, stomach or slapping my face or doing the breath play on me while we are watching Trading Spaces or a movie or whatever LOL And at Thunder it was like that...we would go to the room and sit down for a few moments to get drink or talk about what we were going to do next and He would just reach over and pulled me to Him and start punching me. Or whatnot.

I love those moments. At times I wish they lasted longer. lol :)

Okay side note - I was screwing up the spelling of carotid artery so finally went and looked it up in the dictionary. Stupid thing is that I did not think of that because I am so use to utilizing the online dictionary that I did not think about the book - an actual dictionary - sitting behind me on the bookshelves. lol I am writing this offline - as I don't have access unless Master signs me on. *shakes head* I can't believe I did not think of the actual book dictionary less then 2 feet away from me. LOL

On that note or at least a note from there...I do that often - during the day - I will be thinking about making something and not know exactly how and I think "Oh I will just hop online and look" - and then I realize I can't do that. Master's computer is passworded...I can't turn it on without the password. And then the dial up is passworded so I can't get to that too. I don't even have a dial up connection on my computer. I do have to say that I am happier this way then having free access to it when I want. It helps me stay more focused. When we finally get (a long time from now I am sure) broadband/cable modem, I wonder how that will change. hmmmm I am sure Master will figure something out. I am very grateful I have access to my computer to write and do other things at least. I am able to get pictures ready for Ayn's Place. I am able to write my bloggers entries and then post them when He allows me online. I am able to write in my private journal that I have on the computer too. I have recipes saved on the computer too so I can go through that when I need. So I am very grateful I have access to the computer.

On to other things...

In Buddhism, stillness is important. It is important to still the mind. By emptying it out - you become aware. And in doing that everything we do can be an act of spirituality. Because we become aware of everything.

When I am cleaning Master's house, when I am in pain as He punches me, when I am doing anything - in service to Him - it is because my mind is still and I am more aware - aware of my place. I am aware of Him - my service to Him. So, I do my daily duties, suffer with the pain He gives me - there is a peace and calmness in it - being aware of everything in the stillness of it. And I see the purpose of my place.

And I can tell when I am using my philosophies in Buddhism more because it helps me in my service to Master. I feel more centered and calm. I feel just so right in everything.

What is happening right now - since being back I have felt very scattered. I have felt down and I know that has a lot to do with coming down from the highs of Thunder and playing almost 24/7. But I am feeling the need also for me time....and this week I have taken it too. But kind of out of other reasons. Anyway I am kind of annoyed by that I am feeling like I need me time. Why do I need me time? I am obviously in this relationship to serve Master so why do I need me time? Or am I being unrealistic?

More on that later...

BTW we went to League of Extraordinary Gentlemen tonight and I did not know Peta Wilson of La Femme Nikita was in it as well as Stuart Townsend of Queen of the Damned. Mighty fine drool time with them plus the sexy Sean Connery! Yummy! Not to bad of a movie. I know I liked it more then Master liked it.

We are going on our weekly grocery trip in a little while....so going to post this before we go....

I am looking forward to this weekend with Master. I missed Him so much while I was gone. I love Him even more....*smiles*