danae

Weekend Update from the used and abused willing captive *grin*

I sit here next to Master as He types up a journal entry; I am doing the same. I am aching all over.

So just going to go into a weekend update....

Friday night we went to bed to snuggle with all intentions of just taking a little nap and snuggling and then waking up and hitting the grocery store. Our weekly late night trip to the grocery store. Well, we did not wake up in a couple of hours instead we woke at 3:30am and Master said let's go.

So off we went to Wal-Mart. We had to pick out new curtain rod for the office as the cats when they jump up into the windowsill knock these curtains right off the brackets. On our way home from our shopping trip at that time of the morning, Master looked at the horizon and noticed that it would be sunrise soon...so we went home and unload all the groceries - putting them away and then grabbed His camera and we were off again. First stop was down town to photograph a new statue on Main Street. The downtown - Main Street here in Grand Junction is FILLED with sculptures all along it plus every corner. It is a really pretty main street actually with all the art, trees and benches to sit and admire the art.

During the Art and Jazz Festival a new sculpture was installed...it is woman out of marble. It is very captivating. Master has even started calling it "your girl" because I am so taken with it. So He took pictures of her. He got in His creative mode - and is like I get when I am immersed into a drawing or painting. I just completely zone out everything else and just focus on my world in front of me. Master did the same with the girl.

After He finished that up and then we drove out to the river so He could take pictures of the sunrise coming up over the river and reflecting in it. We then went to 2 other spots for Him to take more sunrise pictures. It was a very pretty sunrise and sharing it with Master made it even more special. When He was done taking pictures, we went to grab some breakfast. We talked about things that were going on a year ago. He was with a mutual friend. And I was interested in Monseigneur E and Linda. It is kind of strange how...it is almost like it came full circle to get Master and I where we are today.

hmm what next? Oh after breakfast we stopped at the Big R. It is like a farm store - so it has everything from pet supplies, gear for horses, western wear/clothing, tools and lawn care items.

Master has wanted to pail train me. I would urinate in the pail always instead of the toilet. I did that with Kam. And Master got me a pail, but it is very close to the one I had with Kam and for some reason I did not think that would bother me, but it has impacted me more then I thought. So, I mentioned to Master last week that maybe a new pail - like we saw at Big R would work better. And so of course we stopped at Big R just for that purpose...to get a new pail. It is a hard plastic - in hunter green. They had every color under the sun. Master was going to get me a purple one as...purple is my favorite color, but I told Him purple would not go good in the bathroom. LOL Not like anyone is going to see the bucket, but Him and I but you know got to color coordinate.

I got a little freaked though holding the bucket in Big R and I know Master was not quite sure why, but it is really hard to think about it. It is just hard to create that into a new memory. I know that we can...I just feel it is going to take time. Babysteps.

When we got home, we took our ritual shower before heading to bed. But of course sleep was side tracked by playing and fucking : ) *blushing* Master put the new hood on me - it has eye and mouth holes in it. He had me fuck Him....with me on top of Him and that position always has made me very very self-conscious. I just am not comfortable there. But I did it because Master wanted it - and I want to please and serve Him. It was very hard for me.

Lack of sleep I know has played into this...but I felt very on edge. It just felt like lots of little things were and still are coming up to throw me off balance. And I just am a little scared of this feeling.

We slept for a little while and then played and fucked some more. Master restrained me to the bed - spread eagle with the new hood on. He had taken it off as I was having difficulty getting to sleep with it on. He then put a vibrator in me and left me there for a little while - coming back to play with me more as well as hurt me. He punched me quite a bit. But also used the evil stick and the baton on my breast too. I have about 4 really ugly bruises that are lines from the evil stick. Oh Master also slapped my face a lot.

I get in these states where after a while I just see Him...and He is my WORLD. He is the only thing that exists and I just feel so much love and need to surrender that it overflows out of me with words, tears, begging to give Him all - to communicate how much I need to surrender to Him. To communicate to Him how much I love Him. It is a very intense feeling and of course having such intense feelings means - they are going to come down and they did later in the evening. He did even let me cook as I was so out of it...instead He ordered pizza. Master was ready for the crash and gave me just the things I needed.

The pizza I ate upset my stomach so I went to bed with a tummy ache. Master and I had a talk in bed that was hard. It was something I was unsure of how to bring up. But He noticed something there when we were talking about the new hood. I don't like the new hood. Now it just maybe that I am not used to it. It maybe other things - but the fact is right now I don't like it. What does that mean really? Nothing - because I will wear it whenever Master wants me too. I just don't enjoy it or get turned on from wearing it. So Master and I talked about me not liking it. And it went pretty good. He knows now and I guess that is good. I just was worried He would be mad that I did not like it.

I get scared that if I voice that I don't like something - that He will not want me anymore. He has never given me any indication that He would do that at all - it is just my own insecurity. Not exactly sure why I have abandonment issues when....I have been the one that physically has left the relationships - but I do.

Okay what next...

I guess on to Sunday events...

I woke up with Master outside working on the house. It is so nice to be with someone who is so responsible. :) He came in when He saw I was up and then I helped Him a little - not much of me helping really. Master got frustrated with what He was working on because it was basically breaking. So, covered in dirt He sat on the kitchen floor and contemplated what to be doing...He was very frustrated with the whole project when He came in....about 30 mins later He had decided He was off to Home Depot to see of they had what He needed. But before He left - He decided to take some of His frustrations out on me and He punched me several times in the upper part of my breasts (where they said to punch in the punching workshop at Thunder) and then also He punched my arms. Really my bruises from Thunder have faded, but I still am covered in bruises. Master has punched me everyday. My arms have bunches of bruises on them.

After He left, I had burst of energy so I set to cleaning up some things since He was gone and weekends I usually don't clean things up like I do during the week. I know that burst of energy came from Him using me like He did. I did not enjoy the punches - they hurt like hell - but I love that He took His frustrations out on me. I loved serving that purpose for Him. It made me feel very loved....weird huh?

When He came home He did some more work and then called it an afternoon. We went to take a nap, but got side tracked by playing and fucking again :) He put a different hood on me today while we played after playing some and fucking - He restrained me again spread eagle to the bed with a vibrator on my clit - but this time He left for a longer periods of time - coming in and playing and teasing me and then leaving me again to wiggle on the bed. After a while He came in and played with me more.

We then got up and I got dinner ready. After dinner we watched - but of course - Trading Spaces. During it Master would reach over me and hit my breasts or squeeze and twist them hard or He would punch my arm. He then informed me that the only thing not hurting on me needed to be taken care of...and that was my ass....

So again....He restrained me to the bed spread eagle only thing was I was face down this time. And He proceeded to beat my ass - He spanked, punched, caned and used His belt on me.

I sit here aching. I have bruises not only from His beating me yesterday, but now today - not that I am complaining.

It is so odd...lately I have not been getting much of pleasure from Master's the pain He is giving me, but it makes me feel good that He is using me and abusing me.

Okay Master posted His blog - I know it was a hard one for Him to write about and I am sure He will need to write on it more. And maybe I will ask Him if I can make a few comments on the subject also. I just don't want to cross any boundaries, as this is a public journal.

I am off to go snuggle up close with Master...*soft warm smile*