danae

Written at 2pm today....

I am sitting here meaning to do other things while I have some computer time, but was swept with emotions in being a slave to Master. I can't explain what it is like. I did not know it could be like this...so complete.

I wrote recently that I am not getting pleasure in the pain Master is doing to me. He asked me if that concerned me...and it doesn't. It feels right. I am suffering for Him...enduring and being pushed in different ways. Before when just playing with play partners it is about mutal gratification. But with Master it is about pleasing Him. And I like that. It feels right and it is very fulfilling.

I knew it would not always be a struggle and it is not a struggle now. NOW side note here: There are bad days. There are days when I go - "uggghh would He just do that Himself please." But they happen even less and less although I don't see them totally disappearing. There are just bad days going to happen no matter what...but maybe I am growing more and more able to handle them differently.

It is about pleasing for me. It is about serving. It is attention - to Him. It is being patient with what He wants and needs. It is being calm in the service - calm in moments when He is frustrated - calm in the bad days. Also when I stay calm on the bad days, I am still able to serve Master's needs and wants. It is just something I still have to work at - staying calm on bad days.

At Thunder being around other lifestyle people - I was very aware of being service oriented verses bottoming. Another side note: not saying bottoming is less then being in service. Only saying bottoming is not for me. I need to have the service in my life. And that brings me fulfillment as Master's slave.

Service oriented slaves were noticable at Thunder. You could tell who was into "pleasing" and who was in it for the kink of it. I try to be very attentive to details in serving Master. I want my service to Him to be seamless and graceful. It is not always possible, but it is something I work on daily. I saw a submissive pouring juice into a glass for her Dominant and she was slopping it all over while talking with others and not really paying attention to what she was sent to do. And I just felt if she was not really into pleasing and serving. If it is about pleasing and serving for a person - the focus is the Owner and task at hand. To me those little details - even just pouring a glass of juice is important.

We are all in the same lifestyle and still very deverse in it. That is a good thing. Right now though I am craving to be around "like" minded people. "Like" meaning people who are interested in pleasing their Owner and who are intersted in the grace and beauty of serving.

Master and I have thrown around the idea of starting a group and I discussed with Him on the way back from Thunder about possibliy starting a Master/slave group. But without any other group here at all - not sure how phesiable that is.

Stopped at 3pm to work on other things...and picking up at 9:30pm

Master is busy working on something for a friend of His, so I decided to finish this blog entry out.

Today making the bed I smiled and actually got turned on thinking about making the bed for Master. I always am amazed in those moments. I was soaking wet - just because I knew I was serving my Master by keeping His house neat and organized.

Yeseterday was a deep cleaning to the bathroom. I got every groove, corner, unseen parts of the bathroom clean. Oh what a fun task, but it was rewarding. I knew it would please Master and it did.

I will be posting my schedule soon on my website. I actually have quite a few additions coming to my website soon. I have been working on it here and there - the last few days.

I owe a few people some emails....I will get to them tomorrow...my yahoo email has been giving me problems tonight - so much so that Master signed me into His account to send pictures out.

Master is done so I am sure we are off to bed soon.....