Quiet....

I have been quiet this week as Master and I have been mourning a friend that died. It has been a hard week. So today we took a much needed day trip. Seeing life and the power of the Earth. The snow is melting off the mountains - so we went to see a waterfall...and it was roaring down the mountain with beautiful intensity. It was a very nice, relaxing day enjoying each others company and love of each other. That is something I have thought of over and over again this week....how lucky I am to have Master in my life and to love him so deeply. He is an amazing, kind, talented man and he showed that over and over again during this difficult week.

The Letter P

Comment, and I shall give you a letter. Go back to your journal, and write ten words beginning with that letter, including an explanation what the word means to you and why.

K over on LJ gave me the letter "P" - Thank you Vanna!

1. Purple - Well purple is my favorite color. Even when I was little girl purple was my favorite color.

2. Princess - Princess is associated with being little girl and letting that side of me out. Daddy loves his Princess and I love him. I have several things that say princess on it that Daddy bought me that are so pretty and cute!

3. Postcards - I love post cards from all over the world. I recently joined a group that I am now sending and receiving posts cards to/from all over the world and it has been so much fun. I have wanted to make postcards - collage type but never done them before...only watercolor postcards. So I am going to try to do that some time soon.

4. Pink Fluffy Dessert - Because I am doing the letter P tonight I am thinking of dessert. It is basically gelatin dissolved half the hot water it calls for on the package and then 2 blocks of low-fat or fat-free cream cheese mixed in and then folding in a cup to a cup and half of fat free cool whip. I don't really measure this out just make it. It is creamy and just his the spot tonight as I have a bit of a sore throat.

5. Paint - well I am an artist and I do mixed media which often includes paint. Right now the majority of the acrylic paint I am using is from Dick Blick.

6. Pain - well yes it is true....I know this will come as shock but I do enjoy a little pain now and then. I have been into pain for a very long time and it ranges from light pain to heavy SM.

7. Photographs - Master's photographs as I think they are beautiful and make me feel good when looking at them. We have many hanging up around the house and I always enjoy seenig them through out my day.

8. Pre-raphaelites - I enjoy many the art works from this period.

9. Project Runway - It is an obsession and I can't wait until the next season starts(which I don't think will be until December!)

10. Paper dolls - I loved them as a little girl and still do! I remember my Grandma would buy me a new booklet of them every time I would visit. We would cut them out together (most Grandma cutting them and me playing). Then she would play with them with me. I had so many of them but unfortunately the were made into moldy mush during a flood.

Positive Monday

5 Positive Things in my life...
1. that we got a lot accomplished today and it was painless
2. Pink Fluffy Dessert
3. Being able to create
4. Spankings
5. Master and the kitty cats as they bring me lots of love and joy

Bits & Pieces

Mail Love - Last Week I was having a really rough week with the dental appointment and the pain was just not going away and on Friday I got a pick me up that made me very grateful for the wonderful friends I have... blown away by the kindness. I got a package in the mail on Friday that was so wonderful - full of gifts to pamper a girl - bath beads, makeup, Godiva chocolate bar and more! Very Thankful to my kind friend!

BDSM Easter Eggs - Saturday evening of course was spent on the eggs. It was a lot of fun! I realized I maybe should have done captions on them but it was late when I put it up so I didn't think about it until the next day. Master and I made the props and then set the scene up on our dining room table on a piece of velvet. A friend of his suggested doing BDSM Easter eggs earlier in the day and so Master said that her and I are not longer allowed to play together because He ended up indulging his little girl by doing the eggs. Although I know he had fun....not that he will admit I am sure.

Links - Here is a cute 404 page a friend posted over on LiveJournal. Also if you have not seen the one Master did for our website please check it out too...as it is very cute!

Recently several lists I am on have been having talks about transgender...and it has come up in conversations a lot also....Here is a video clip from Buck Angel. I like what he has to say. And damn he is sexy! *drool*


Friends - I don't have a lot of local friends and so I rely heavily on the friends I have made online. Last night I got a chance to chat with 4 lovely ladies all at once online and it was so nice. We laughed, and talked boys and girls and all sorts of fun stuff. I was just able to be me and not worry about what I was saying -- which happens lots with our local "vanilla" friends - worrying that I might say something that will give our lifestyle away. Anyway, it was a very nice time to just have some fun and relax into some good girl time. IT gave me back some much needed sanity!

Positive Monday

It has been started by a person over on Livejournal.

5 Positive Things in my life...
1. picnic and time this afternoon with Master
2. sleeping in
3. able to eat crunchy food a little bit better
4. able to drink diet coke again
5. great friends

Pat Califia

Catching up on LiveJournal this morning and several friends plus Patrick's LJ had a message I wanted to pass on....

Patrick Califia had a heart attack. It sounds like from things I have read that they sent him home because he has no health insurance.

For those of you that don't know who he is...Patrick has been an activist for sexual and gender freedom for a very a long time. An activist for those who are queer, trans, and kinky. Put his name into amazon and I am sure it will pull up several books by him. Put his name in wikipedia and it will give you more info on him also.

I remember seeing him while waiting for an elevator at Thunder the first year I went and Master thought I had seen a rock star. I was trying to be quietly excited that I had just stood next to Patrick Califia! I know I am a silly girl. But if you have read his books you probably understand my excitement.

A friend of Patrick's posted on Patricks's lj and in his own lj asking for cards, good thoughts and anything people wish to give to Pat to help him through this difficult time. Info for paypal is on those entries also.

Happy Easter!

Daddy and I had fun Saturday night. Earlier in the day Master's friend suggested we dye Easter eggs..she went on to say you can do BDSM eggs. So shortly after their conversation I was begging Daddy to make BDSM Easter eggs....

So Daddy and I present....

BDSM Egg-stravaganza

Linkage

A few people on livejournal have posted this link...

I just got around to looking at it...

Hot commercial! (at least hot in my opinion)

BESTEST Daddy!

I have the BESTEST Daddy EVAR! He just brought me an orange slushie! Gave me kisses but then had to leave back to work again. But it was totally wonderful of my Daddy! :) I am a lucky little girl!

Lots of Random Bits

Dentist - Well I haven't been posting much this week because I had dental work done this week that was pretty intensive *for me* and so I haven't been feeling well. I just been in pain and not able to stand doing much for any length of time.

Art - I actually broke my artist block this past weekend and so have been creating. Yay!

Mail Love - I have quite a few bits of mail love that needs to go out and I got a piece from one of my lovely friends. The card was so pretty I am going to hang it up as inspiration for art but eventually it might be cut and used in a piece as it has some beautiful butterflies on it and if anyone has seen my art before -- I have a thing for butterflies. Flight, reborn, color, delicate and strong...and so on...there are just so many wonderful qualities.

Food - Daddy made me pancakes last night as it was soft for my mouth and you would have thought I was having an orgasm with just one bit. After eating jello and ice cream for almost 24 hours - really having more solid food was so incredible I almost could have had an orgasm (with permission of course - *grin*). I love this recipe that we use for pancake - they taste so delish!

M/s Moment - Today a friend was talking about an trip she will be having with her Sir. In the things she mentioned it made me recall a moment within our M/s dynamic with Master that I thought I would share....

Master and I went to get my stuff in Ohio several months after I moved here. We went through the boxes and such as Master didn't want me to bring anything that I didn't need or want - or let me rephrase that...what He didn't need or want. So, we got to a Ohio and started to go through things - one thing was a big rubber maid storage container full of purses. And Master told me that I didn't those. Now I have a thing for purses...so Him telling me I can't have my purses made my eyes go wide and my lip start to go out...pouting. I looked at Him like he had to be kidding...right?? No, He wasn't kidding. He said that I don't own anything and so I didn't need a purse. I don't carry a purse with Master at all and it has been that way from day one - when I first visited Him - He took my purse and put it and all my clothes and personal away. I had to ask for everything and most of the time I wasn't granted it. Back on track...so I explained to Him reasons I might need a purse and He then allowed me 3 purses from the whole bin of them! Oh my gawd! It was so hard to choose.

Now saying all that I didn't cry or get mad....I got turned on when He did that. I got so wet and turned on....silly me! Weird how that happens. Again just a little moment that...doesn't mean much in the wide scope of things but it is something I know I will never forget.

Easter, Art and Parents - We don't' have anything planned for Easter as we really don't celebrate it. Even though I love Easter candy! Jelly Beans! YUM!

My Mom asked us what we were doing and I said probably nothing - I forgot it was Easter - and we really don't celebrate it. She just didn't say anything. I am sure she was thinking her daughter is going to hell. I actually had a pretty horrible conversation with her the last time I spoke and I am trying to not let the negativity get to me. I don't have many conversations with her that get to me - at least not in a very long time. I told her I might start setting up an ebay and esty site to sell my art and a normal response would be --- "That is great" or "good for you" and my Mom just said "Oh" with that slight tentativeness in her voice to say, "well you won't sell anything" A few other comments - made it for a highly negative conversation although I am sure she never got that I was upset as I try not to tell her know that anymore or she just pushes the subject more to try to justify her point and makes it 10 times worse.

I guess I will finish up working on the website things I am changing and adding and then call it a night as my mouth is hurting a lot tonight.

Whatever Happened to Everyday Life?

Someone left a comment on Master's blog that said he should write about BDSM stuff - "because that is the stuff worth writing about." When He told me about it I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Master wrote about it in his blog but I also wanted to make a few comments.

Master actually I don't think has ever wrote about BDSM things. Mastery, Dominance, everyday life and such but not graphic SM. And I am sure someone could say that about my blog as well...especially lately. We write about life....whatever comes out in the moment....everyday life - which can include M/s, SM, work, domestic things, family, friends and so on. Master has never written for anyone. He does not care if anyone even reads his blog or not. He writes for himself. And I think you can see that in how and what he writes about. Really I am the same way. I started my journal years and years ago before I met Master. For me it was a way to find myself...writing through all the emotions and chaos that was my life at the time. Putting it out on the web helped me be true to myself - because the thought of people reading - friends and strangers made me examine myself and the truth of my life. It was hard to deny life with it right there in text for anyone surfing in from the great world wide web. And over the years it really did help me - keep it real everyday. Now I am a much different person but it still helps me keep everything real - seeing my life there in text. Writing about anything and everything that life is....being a slave but also my art, my domestic responsibilities, my issues, my daily life...just life.

So my question is...why is BDSM worth writing about but not everyday life? I would like to know that. For me the bdsm stuff can stay offline...it would probably never bother me if I never wrote about anything SM ever again. Because I like that it is his and mine. Yes at times I am an exhibitionist and yes at times Master had told me to write so I do and yes sometimes a particular scene makes me giddy and I like to share it but I don't think it is the thing worth writing about. Every day little things happen that I want to remember. I would say most of us remember big things in our lives...and a lot of our sexual and SM encounters. Yes, I love SM and sex but that really isn't what makes our relationship. It is the everyday little things...that get lost....it is seeing Master enjoy something I have cooked for him, it is Master telling me a funny story that makes us both laugh, it is passing each other in the hall and getting that look...that we know the passion and love in each other. Our relationship that grows out of our daily life....all the big moments and little moments...moments of daily life....and that is what is worth writing about to me because it is our daily life that I treasure the most.

More Answers to the Q&A Meme

from kaya:
1. Would you unkink yourself if you could? nope

2. What aspect of D/s is your favorite? serving

3. What aspect would you leave out if you could? wow at the beginning I would have loved that I didn't have expectations. But I think I have a much better handle on that. I wish I could leave out burn-out from juggling everything.

4. Do you like housework? for the most part I do :)

5. Do you drink coffee? no but tea

6. What was your favorite grade or class in school? 12th grade was my favorite...I didn't really like school so getting out of school was good. I liked learning but I guess I just feel I learn differently then the schools taught. 12th grade though did bring some bad things such as Don but also brought my ex-husband and although we are divorced I will never regret being with him.


From tulsa:
1. Have you ever had and enjoyed vanilla sex? yes many times and yes I do enjoy it too. I like that tender touching sex...where 2 people feel as one. That can happen in rough sex too - the feeling as one. But I like it when it happens in tender vanilla sex too.

2. How often do you get to be a little girl? for me often what happens is that the inner little girl in me comes out on and off through out the week. I have lots of residual issue from a past Daddy/little girl relationship that I still battle with so although I let her come out in little ways we don't actually stay in Daddy/little playtime for very long. We have done it a few times but as I said I still have residual issues and so it is hard for me to let that part out for longer periods. Luckily Daddy is very patient and loving so it helps me feel safe when letting that side out.

3. What's your favorite outfit? LOL I have my period right now so what is coming to mind is all comfort clothing - cuddleduds/long johns, sueded cotton hoodie, soft t-shirt and red wool socks. If I didn't have my period right now I probably would have said my black swing skirt, black satin camisole and pale pink cardigan with beautiful rhinestone buttons (each different), tights and mary janes!

4. Your favorite dessert to make? oh hard one for me as I LOVE to bake! For the ease of it my Mom's Chocolate Chip cake that is so moist and delicious. For the elegance...cream puffs filled with homemade chocolate filling and then drizzle chocolate ganache over them...with a little blob of whip cream and maybe some berries to make it look even more pretty.

5. What's your favorite seasoning? actually grill mate or grill creations for chicken is one of my favorites because it has everything in it...garlic, pepper, salt, red pepper, and so on. Next would be basil - I use basil a lot.

6. When/how did you come to your current spirituality? I was raised Lutheran and I still do have some Christian based beliefs. I think it was after reading the Celestine Prophecy (in 1995? 96?) that my spirituality started to change. I started to see that a lot of religions has similar underlying beliefs. And so I started researching other religions. When I came to Buddhism it seemed to speak to me more then any other. I had a friend once tell me I have a cafeteria type religion -where I pick and chose what I like and throw the rest out. He looked down on that but I don't and it really is true. I have gone down the line and found things that I like, feel right to me, and work for me -- so I take them and utilize them in my spirituality.

Some Answers to Q&A Meme

There is another Meme going around LiveJournal that I posted with the 6 question meme so the first set of questions deal with that.....

LJ friend asked:
1- Friends - Longest held friend? that would be Kerrie. I moved around a lot until 5th grade and I actually met Kerrie in Jr. High. We are still friends today and I am very happy that we have remained that way.

2- Sex -Are you multi orgasmic? yeppers

3- Music -First and last concert? Adam Ant and last concert...damn...it actually was ages and ages ago even though I like concerts....Fiona Apple

4- Drugs - Anything you think should be legal? Not that it is a drug but prostitution

5- Love - Do you believe is Destiny? yes and no. I believe the universe shows me where it wants me to go - sometimes multiple times but I have free will to go there or not. It tries to guide me but sometimes I am too caught up in other things to see it.

6- LiveJournal -Do you read on LiveJournal everyday or just sometimes? everyday but I have to say I skim lots if there have been a ton of posts.

7- Porn -Favorite type of porn, that really gets yah juicy? well first it is pictures...photos mostly of bondage though are the ones that really turn me on. Written word - erotica usually doesn't do it for me. It used to but not anymore.

From my friend Jess:

who do you wish lived closer to you? HARD question Jess! Okay I would love to met lots people from LJ/blogsphere and so being closer in geography would be nice. And Jess is one of those people! People I know....well my parents (but not too close), Moni, and nuala. There is a couple that lives outside of Denver that are in the lifestyle that Master and I adore - V& s. When we all get together we always say that we wished we lived closer together.

do you and Master ever have really vanilla sex? no not really. Occasionally it is just a blowjob but Master always does some kind of roughness with it. It is never just tender vanilla sex.

is there ever a time where you just "d" and "m" and not "M" and "s"? No, but if you ever met us you will think we look like we are just M and D. We laugh, hold hands, we goof around....but we are also always M and s too. The dynamic is always there. People notice something but usually can't pinpoint what it is that is different.

Q&A Meme

Ask me 6 random questions....No matter how rude, sexual, or confidential. (Please feel free to ask just 1 or 2 or whatever you want to ask.)

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.

Then if you want post this in your journal and see what questions you get asked!

Plans Foiled Again....

Plans did not work out again tonight....I got a migraine and so was having a horrible day that caused lot of other things to be off. Master feels like He is coming down with something so He just wanted to go to bed shortly after coming home. I understand of course...I am am not allowing myself to have one of those moments where I say - "see I can't even plan one special night for Master" and do the whole pity party thing. I logically see where my migraine would have been flared up more with the activities planned and I logically see that Master should get rest if He is coming down with something. So it will happen when it can happen.

Tonight I worked on some website stuff, researched new microwaves as ours started smoking today - no kidding. I was melting chocolate chips in the microwave to make a Chocolate Buttermilk Pie and a smell started coming from the microwave and I thought I was burning the chocolate I opened the door and smoke.....coming from inside the microwave but not the bowl of chips. So I thought maybe some food was stuck somewhere and that was smoking so I wiped the whole inside down and tried again. No go - more smoke. Master said we would go out and look for them this weekend as it is something I use! I steam most of our veggies in the microwave. So it gets used daily.

I discovered a new product - new to me old to the market - powdered buttermilk. I made buttermilk biscuits this week that I think will be my standard recipe. And I made Chocolate Buttermilk Pie too and both turned out really good with the powdered buttermilk. I am thinking of making whole-wheat buttermilk pancakes and a side of turkey sausage for breakfast in the morning.

I have something else I started to write about tonight but realized I should ask Master's permission. So that will have to wait.

On Hold....Sort of....

Well Master called and a client for his side business called having a problem so he is going over there to fix that and then will have to go back to work for finish his work there. So ------ some of my plans will probably have to go on hold for tonight as he will be getting home quite late. But I will still do as much as I can...he will have a good dinner, wine and then probably won't be able to fit tub and massage in but maybe a short massage before bed at least. Tomorrow night though is Friday so the plans might go better for then anyway as we usually stay up later on weekends and it will help Him unwind into the weekend.

I did my rituals though and it did help me come back to center.

Bad Week that I want to Change....

What is that quote by Ganhdi..."Be the Change you Want to See"

We are both having an off week. I have had my period/hormonal problems for almost 2 weeks and a migraine pretty consistent all week and Master is having a rough time at work - working long hours and lots of draining projects. We don't seem to communicate well during these type of times. Often during my period I think I pull away because I am worried about what if I say something wrong or do something wrong. The irrational thoughts of he will toss me to the curb if I am not doing everything right really heighten during my period. So I pull away yet during my period I often desire that closeness and connectedness more because I feel so emotional. Master pulls inside of himself when he is stressed. So as everyone knows when communication is not going well it causes lots of little bumps in the relationship. I feel we have had a very bumpy week and I am sure Master feels the same way.

I know it will get better. And I know that although we are both having bad weeks there are things we can do to help. So I guess maybe that is what we should be focusing on...creating quality time for us to connect - that will help our mental and emotional attitudes. I think I will try to create a pamper Master night - dinner, candles, bottle of wine, have jet tub ready, massage oils next to bed and such.

So I am off to make sure things are clean and tip-top for tonight. Oh something else I thought I would share that I do often when doing these kind of services that aren't in the normal routine of things....is a little ritual meditation/prayer. I actually though haven't done it for a long time and so I want to make a conscious effort to do that today.

One of the comments I often hear from other slaves and submissives is they hope come to the peace that I have in slavery. Meditation and my spiritually, I feel, play a huge factor in the peace and calm I feel in slavery. And really you can link back to when I haven't been studying, practicing my spirituality as much then life just feels more chaotic. So doing this ritual today will help me mentally and emotionally I am sure.

I sit or kneel (whatever my knee can handle at the time). I sometimes light incense or a candle and focus on the smoke or flame for a bit (probably won't do this today as I don't want to spike a migraine with the scent) then I close my eyes and start empty my mind. I think of serving Master. I ask blessing on my service to Him. I ask for grace in serving Him. I ask for clarity to see what He needs. I ask for light, laughter, and love to come to us. I ask for things for Master also. Today I will probably ask in the dining room ritual for His dinner to nourish and fill him with contentment. The bathroom I will ask for the tub to wash away his stress. And so on.

So off to do cleaning, preparing and ritual.

Home Sweet Home....

We are home! And before I do a little update of that I wanted to send a big thank you out to the wonderful friends I have that sent me wonderful mail love! Thank you!

Weekend - We had a really great weekend although packed for just a few days. We shopped, ate, and got out and enjoyed the beautiful state we life in...Colorado. Daddy spoiled me lots when we went shopping...lots of fun stuff to create with...I am very excited to get in and use those things. It seems as though it might have sparked my creativity again. yay! I even got Master off on Saturday night in his parents house. It made me feel naughty! Although we had a really good time it is very nice to come home.

Comic Strip - I am a religon! lol

Stats - Okay here is a new stat that I have never had before....someone did a search for "embre underwear." I am assuming they are looking for embre to sell her panties...maybe? Anyway, I found it funny that they found my blogspot looking for her panties.