Thursday, April 06, 2006

Bad Week that I want to Change....

What is that quote by Ganhdi..."Be the Change you Want to See"

We are both having an off week. I have had my period/hormonal problems for almost 2 weeks and a migraine pretty consistent all week and Master is having a rough time at work - working long hours and lots of draining projects. We don't seem to communicate well during these type of times. Often during my period I think I pull away because I am worried about what if I say something wrong or do something wrong. The irrational thoughts of he will toss me to the curb if I am not doing everything right really heighten during my period. So I pull away yet during my period I often desire that closeness and connectedness more because I feel so emotional. Master pulls inside of himself when he is stressed. So as everyone knows when communication is not going well it causes lots of little bumps in the relationship. I feel we have had a very bumpy week and I am sure Master feels the same way.

I know it will get better. And I know that although we are both having bad weeks there are things we can do to help. So I guess maybe that is what we should be focusing on...creating quality time for us to connect - that will help our mental and emotional attitudes. I think I will try to create a pamper Master night - dinner, candles, bottle of wine, have jet tub ready, massage oils next to bed and such.

So I am off to make sure things are clean and tip-top for tonight. Oh something else I thought I would share that I do often when doing these kind of services that aren't in the normal routine of a little ritual meditation/prayer. I actually though haven't done it for a long time and so I want to make a conscious effort to do that today.

One of the comments I often hear from other slaves and submissives is they hope come to the peace that I have in slavery. Meditation and my spiritually, I feel, play a huge factor in the peace and calm I feel in slavery. And really you can link back to when I haven't been studying, practicing my spirituality as much then life just feels more chaotic. So doing this ritual today will help me mentally and emotionally I am sure.

I sit or kneel (whatever my knee can handle at the time). I sometimes light incense or a candle and focus on the smoke or flame for a bit (probably won't do this today as I don't want to spike a migraine with the scent) then I close my eyes and start empty my mind. I think of serving Master. I ask blessing on my service to Him. I ask for grace in serving Him. I ask for clarity to see what He needs. I ask for light, laughter, and love to come to us. I ask for things for Master also. Today I will probably ask in the dining room ritual for His dinner to nourish and fill him with contentment. The bathroom I will ask for the tub to wash away his stress. And so on.

So off to do cleaning, preparing and ritual.

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