Changing...letting go of Fear....

This is from another post I did a few days ago: "I keep thinking there is lots of things like that...that used to be so hard and now seem easier....I feel like some things that were "hard" in the past just don't seem that big of deal because my slavery is at a very different point."

And so I started thinking about that....things changing and being easier.

I remember the first time Master wanted me to get in the cage...not even locked in just get in door open...unlocked. A HUGE panic came over me and I froze. I was unable to move...or speak...just tears streaming down my face. It had been a fantasy for so long and then I let the fear take hold - not the longings of fantasy or longings of being a slave...longings of obedience and service take hold....just fear...controlling me.

The bucket has also been that area of fear from me. I know that fear was from past relationship but anyway in starting with it again this weekend...I just did it. I didn't hesitate...no second guessing....no fear of the unknown controlling things. I just squatted over the bucket and pissed in it. Those feelings of being property and being this thing that doesn't get to use the toilet....of course crept up and turned me on. In the past those things would turn me on but the fear of the unknown also would have taken a-hold and screamed so loud that I couldn't have pushed past to my core desires...to serve him, amuse him, please him...OBEY HIM. So even last night as he watched relieving myself in the bucket...piss dripping down my leg as I stood up - I did it without feeling all the old insecurities and fears of what will happen if I do become just a piece of property.

I am Master's property - have been for 4 years. I have been His slave for 4 years too. But I feel each year with him that meaning of property....that meaning of slave changes as we keep moving forward on this journey. And so saying I was his property 4 years ago had a much different meaning and feelings attached to it today. I feel it without so much fear attached to it.