Friday, June 06, 2008
The Poly Train Wreck
I was chatting with a good friend about poly and although I have some very good memories I have some areas that look like a train wreck waiting to happen. And they did happen.
I have mentioned a few times of being part of a poly family when I lived in Ohio. And I really enjoyed that my Owner had others. But I did have problems with how he handled that at times - at times he handled things really really well but then for some reason every once in a while he would slip into a pattern that really made for negative starts into relationships. Such as he would say he wasn't interested in someone when really he was talking via the phone, im's or email and making plans to be with each other and finally it would come out that he was interested and meeting them. He would have sex with someone and say he had safe sex but later it would come out he didn't so he exposed each of us to everyone that person had slept with -- endangering us. He would cover up some of the bad qualities of someone he was interested in knowing they lied, cheated or just lacked general integrity so that we would accept that person. Those are just a few of the things that was done that never made sense to me.
I don't understood why there is a need to cover things up and lie? We are poly. I liked being poly so what was so threatening to telling us the truth? One excuse I have heard in the past was "I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to get upset." Okay how screwed up is that excuse? I mean reality is because he didn't say anything now he made the situation 10 times worse. Honesty is the best policy. In my experience when the person lied and covered it up was because they knew that there was something not on the up and up so they didn't want to handle the backlash to that. So saying that I will be upset is an understatement in that case but again --- telling me later, letting me find out on my own or even worse finding out from someone else will make it worse. So he just added upset on top of upset. If he didn't want to upset me, he shouldn't have lied. And now on top of that because he lied, covered things up and cheated (yes you can cheat in poly relationship) - he now created insecurities and lack of trust that will come up for future situations. So he didn't make the situation better by lying. He have screwed up our fun!
During a road trip Master had me tell him about my experiences with the poly family and he during it was shaking his head. He told me he didn't understand how someone could screw up such a good situation. I mean I am sure it is the dream of many dominants out there - being served by many, having lots of naked bodies around that would do anything you say and having sex many many times a day.
And again I had some really good times being part of a poly family. And I do hope that one day possibly Master and I can enjoy having someone else with us.