Last week while I was on the phone with my favorite girlie, I needed to go to the bathroom as we had been talking almost 2 hours. So I went to Master's office and mouthed "may I go to the bathroom?" And he got this evil look in his eye and big smile on his face and said "oh no." Girlie is in the lifestyle and knows of the dynamic I have with Master.
He explained to me I needed to ask -- out loud. I was squirming needing to go to the bathroom but also because I would have to ask and girlie would hear me asking to go to the bathroom. I knew he wouldn't say yes until I asked out loud. I stood there a moment stuttering and blushing. Standing in the doorway to his office I was wiggling and crossing my legs like a 6 year old needing to "go potty." And I squeaked out, "May I go to the bathroom Master?" He said yes.
Having just that little bit of interaction with someone outside our dynamic -- turned me on. It was a nice little spark of something different and it was fun.
Today a good friend of mine posted about a play party she attended and was used like a slut. It reminded me of play parties I attended when I lived in Ohio. It turned me on and made me miss having that interaction with others. But....I know that because of the isolation I have had that it would be hard for me to be as I once was in public settings. I know I would be terribly shy. I mean I was shy before but it is a different kind of shy now.
Love/hate relationships -- I want to interact with others in the lifestyle publicly but I am not sure I could relax like I did when I lived in Ohio.