March Q & A: Transitions

From this post: " I was owned by him for 2 years. And then we continued to have a Daddy/little girl relationship and kinky boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship for another 2 years."

Question asked about the post..."I'm really curious about how that works... I've read the debates about whether a slave can leave their owner and whether you can kill a puppy or whatever... so really want to know how this transition happened."

In the M/s relationships I have been in, I needed to be completely open and transparent. There came a time when I realized I wasn't happy serving anymore.  I was burnt out really (which I have a post coming about being burnt out.)  Anyway, he asked me if I was happy and I told him I wasn't happy. The conversation continued of course on what lead me to this and why I wasn't happy but in the end he asked if I would like to request release from being his slave. Because that was how he wanted it - he wanted me to request release and I told him yes I that I did feel I wanted to be released.  We had discussions about it for 3 days. One of the days I remember actually fell on a Carpe Diem meeting (a bdsm group that is not around anymore) and I remember the meeting so vividly. It was about tattoos and play piercings. I know I became very passionate about something being said about permanent markings and everyone was kind of taken aback by my tone and language.  I know I was that way because of the stress of what was going on in the decision to stop our M/s relationship. On that 3rd day of discussions, we ended it. He wanted me happy and hoped I would come back to wanting to be in service to him.

The transition was very difficult. At first we kind of kept our distance from each other - grieving and trying to figure out how it would be with us now - not as Master/slave.  I found myself doing usual things I did for him - without thinking. He was better at not ordering me then I was at not serving. Saying, "yes Master" was really hard for me too as it just came out naturally. So for a while I just trained myself to say, "okay" so that the yes wasn't followed by Master or Sir. Eventually the relationship just worked into this kinky girlfriend/boyfriend type relationship with the added spice of Daddy/little girl.  Daddy/little girl felt very natural for us. I didn't feel tired as little girl and I did as his slave.

Honestly I think that if anything like this happened with Master - I am not sure either of us could function in just a kinky relationship. I think we would naturally gravitate back to a M/s foundation.

March Q & A: SM questions

Name some things you don't experience with your Master but desire.
Wax play - I don' t think Master really has ever played with it but  he just sees that as a mess and not fun.

Gang Bang or being loaned out or just being with other men - Master isn't interested in it. Now we have had a few conversations that involve me with another and it seemed to interest him a little bit but don't think it will ever come to something he actually will do with me.

Rope Bondage - Master does it at times but not one of his favorite things and it is a big desire of mine. I love rope and how it feels against my body and the tension in it when I try to move.

Those are the only things coming to mind at the moment.

What was the worse pain you have ever felt?
hmmm I think....cattleprod and being flogged with wire

I know you consider yourself a masochist, but are there times you don't like the pain?
Oh yes. There are a lot of factors that go into if I am going to get into the pain or not.  Sometimes I have started out where it hurts like hell and then finally turns into pleasure. Other times I have had it where I become a slut with it and just want more and more pain.  Or then there a headspace for me that I call my masochistic mode but that really doesn't fit the definition - where the pain hurts but I like that it hurts. I like the pain. It isn't pleasurable, it hurts but the pain rushes those endorphins in me and creates a very primal and raw feeling. And sometimes I can't wait to get more pain. And I would do anything to feel more of it because it is so addictive. I get wet with the pain and sometimes I orgasm with the pain. And still there are other times  where it hurts and I just don't feel I can take it. I often cry because I just want it to stop. But endure it for him.

Do you get aftercare?
No not really. The only time there is any type of aftercare is when we snuggle up and fall asleep after playing and having sex. I guess at least that could be called aftercare. I really don't feel the need for aftercare. Even before Master, when I played in Cleveland with various people and they tried to do aftercare - I think it made me uncomfortable - made all the pain seem less real?  Aftercare for me makes it feel like this was a game we were playing and now it is over. And this is our life - we live it day in and day out.  Now those that want or need aftercare, I totally get that it works for you - it just doesn't work for me. It ruins my experience. And not getting aftercare might ruin yours - its all good - it is finding what works for you.

Do you ever wish you weren't kinky?
No, I am very glad I am kinky. I like to serve, I like obeying and I like pain....all good things in being kinky.

March Q&A: Eden Fantasys

It surprised me when you started doing posts and reviews for Eden Fantasys. So my question is why did you start doing that? 

Eden Fantasys has written me several times over the last few years about doing reviews for their site.  Each time they wrote, I always thought it might be fun to do reviews for them, but I was never sure if I had the time to put into it.  I also wasn’t sure that I wanted to be doing any "selling" on my blog.  But as I started seeing Eden Fantasys posts by other bloggers I frequent, I started to reconsider my thought process. I liked the posts and reviews I was reading about and for Eden Fantasys because they didn’t seem over-the-top prepared instead they seemed honest and genuine.  I really enjoy  the reviews of a sex toy, massage oils, BDSM toys, lingerie and so on from people all over the BDSM blogsphere.

So when they wrote me in the middle part of May 2011, I responded by asking some questions that I hoped were going to address my concerns.  The person who wrote me made me feel completely comfortable with asking all the questions I had - even the stupid questions.  Really it is because of this representative being so great that I finally said yes to doing product reviews and blog posts.  She made me feel comfortable and writing for them never feels like I am selling or being a big informercial for them.  My reviews are completely my own opinion and Eden Fantasys wants that kind of honest credibility in the products they sell.  That became one of the major reasons why I decided to start doing this with them because they wanted honest opinions and it is one of the reasons I really like working with them. It also feels like I am giving personal and intimate information about the product or something I read on their website. I try to keep it very personal - relating to my experiences and thoughts. I like having that personal connection.

Eden Fantasys is a great place for bloggers and they give you great options on how much you choose to be part of representing their company or be part of their community.  You have complete control over how involved you choose to be.  Whether you want to do reviews, sponsor posts, be an affiliate or just even place a banner on your blog.  Eden Fantasys is a good place, selling good products for a wide range of people.

Disclosure: EdenFantasys provided me with a gift card in exchange for this post. All opinions are my own, and were not influenced in any way.

March Q&A - Several Questions

I have several questions:
What books are you reading? 

The Reunion (The Marketplace Series) by Laura Antoniou , Urban Pantry by Amy Pennington, Home Economics: Vintage Advice and Practical Science for the 21st-century Household by Jennifer McKnight-Trontz, Can I freeze it? : how to use the most versatile appliance in your kitchen  by Susie Theodorou and Fix, freeze, feast : the delicious, money-saving way to feed your family by Kati Neville and Lindsay Tkacsik

What is one website that you visit daily?  One? only one? :)  I visit Facebook, Pinterest, TinyBuddha, and FetLife daily. 

Will there be a hierarchy within your poly relationship?
Yes, Master at the head, but teacup and I are equal. I of course will know things she doesn't in this relationship because I have been here for 9 years but offering advice and being here to maybe help her, doesn't in my terms mean I am above her or alpha of her. We are both His. I won't be in charge of her. I won't be ordering her.  I am not alpha - thank goodness as it isn't a role I enjoy. 


Are you out to your family? Any vanilla friends? 
I am out to both of my sisters about the bdsm.  They both know I have been in poly relationships, but I know they don't believe Master and I are poly. But I did tell one of my sisters just very briefly about teacup when we were home for Christmas. But I think that she probably thought threesome and then cast it aside. 


I have some friends that are vanilla that know but they all met me through my blog or livejournal so they knew before I could out myself technically.  


My therapist knows about the poly but not about the M/s. 


Remember it is March Question Month. Ask any question and I will blog my answer. You can ask even ask anonymously. Just post your question(s) here in comments or via email. 

March Q&A - Different Ways

"In the beginning how difficult was it not to take things personally when something isn't how you would do it on your own? Knowing that you are doing as He wishes even if you don't feel it is the right way.Is it also something that you would just bite your tongue and move on or would it be acceptable to make suggestions of a different way? Ultimately I know that it would be His decision."


Well first I have to say it doesn't just happen in the beginning. 9 years of being Master's and I still go through moments of taking it personally and getting annoyed frankly.  


When he tells me to do something that goes against how I do it or even my beliefs, I will most of the time try to talk to him about it. It is all about phrasing and tone of how I go about that. 


I usually explain to him why I would like to do it differently or why I believe differently.  If in the end he still says he wants me to do it his way, then I do it. It still might annoy or anger me even, but in the end I am his slave. So I bite my tongue and as the saying goes "Suck it up Buttercup" - I suck it up and do it. 


A hot button for me, is my health. I have had people try to tell me what to do for my migraines all my life. I also feel I am in touch with my body and how it works. So when Master tells me, I need to make an appointment or take some med and I don't think it is the right thing for me - it really is HARD for me to not fight it. I often do. I try to explain first why I don't want too but it is really hard for me to still follow through on what he wants. He knows this too and we have had fights about this issue. It is hard for me to believe someone else would know my body and know what works for me because it just hasn't been like that in the past....years and years of people telling me to do stuff that doesn't work or not listening when I say that won't work because I had tried it several times before. So it is a hot issue for me....us I guess because it irritates Master too that I just can't let it go and do what he wants without having to fight it. 


So even after 9 years, I still have issues that it is hard to just suck it up and do it.  Of course on some things it is easier now after being together for so long - I understand why Master says some things and wants some things. It is like muscle memory - knowing he wants this and even if it isn't how I would  do it - I have done things for him so long - I just react to him and what he wants. It is like it over-rides my own thoughts instantly.  


In the beginning of relationships too, the Master/Owner is still getting to know the slave.  He might not know that you know how combat a cold in a different way that works for you that might not work for him...until you explain what works for you.  He might not know that you can fold clothes in a way that will get them done and make them look nicer then the way he does it.  So talking those things through is the way to go.  


Remember it is March Question Month. Ask any question and I will blog my answer. You can ask even ask anonymously. Just post your question(s) here in comments or via email

March Q&A - Day Off

Do you ever want a day off from being a slave? 


I think often when I get this question, it really means don't get you get tired of serving 24/7. The answer to that question is yes I do get tired but there is a different to me between having down time and not being a slave. I can't take a day off from being a slave. Being a slave is who I am.  The things I do for Master as his slave - such as work in his business, clean house, do laundry, get bills ready and so on are some my duties as his slave. I do get tired of doing them at time. But taking some me time or down time doesn't mean I stop being his slave. 


The question could also mean do I ever think about not wanting to be a slave even just for a day. We all have bad days and yes I have had days where I went can I really do this? Even after 9 years of being Master's I sometimes go "wow I just failed big at this - should I do this?" but I can't...it might be a momentary thought or reaction but when you strip down the core of who I am - I can't stop being who I am. 


Remember it is March Question Month. Ask any question and I will blog my answer. You can ask even ask anonymously. Just post your question(s) here in comments or via email

Eden Fantasys Giveaway - Coquette Lingerie

Eden Fantasys has a Coquette lingerie giveaway going on right now where they are giving away 6 pieces of Coquette lingerie to 3 people.  You have 5 more days to enter so go over and make sure you do as they have some really pretty and sexy lingerie.

I have to admit that I hadn't taken a good look at Eden Fantasys lingerie before today. But I am now wishing I would have looked a little sooner.  I am really like the Coquette lingerie.  I am a big girl and they do show some Plus Sized Models in their lingerie to - so that is nice.

I have quite a lot of lingerie, but haven't bought any new lingerie in years and years. I mean probably more than 5 years. When I first moved in with Master,  I would dress for him every night. I would wear lingerie or just something sexy like a short short skirt, with garters and stockings peeking out and a blouse showing lots of cleavage. Every day I would greet him at the door all dolled up.

But he now works from home so it is hard to "surprise" him with it when we are together all day.  But really there was another reason I stopped wearing lingerie - and that is because I didn't feel sexy in it anymore. It didn't make me feel good or give me any pleasure to put it on.

In the post about the giveaway it says: "You don’t need to wear lingerie for anyone but yourself and for the pleasure it brings you.  When you feel good about yourself – under your clothes or out of them – you exude sexy, ooze confidence."  I totally agree with that sentiment.  I think wearing sexy lingerie because it brings you pleasure and makes you feel good about yourself that it will give you confidence that will make you feel sexy and exude sexy.  But for me wearing it so much -  I think took some of the pleasure away.  It made it feel ordinary instead of special. I love to feel sexy everyday and yes maybe lingerie is that way for some but for me, I like just wearing it every so often because it keeps it as that thing I know I can put on a feel sexy but it also makes it special and different to get away from the everyday mundane things in life. I enjoy the feeling of sliding on a pair of sexy panties, a sheer babydoll, lace topped thigh highs or anything that has that look for me - it just like the quote says makes me feel good about me which brings on a level of confidences that is sexy. I like putting it on and it gives me a little escape - from all the work that needs to be done, bills that need to be paid and laundry stacking up - it allows me to feel sexy and know those things will wait for a bit.

We are most likely going to be taking a road trip for business soon, but it is always a time when I decide to pack some sexy lingerie, sex toys and some kinky items to spice up our nights on the road. I am not sure what it is about being in a hotel room that brings out really good kinky sex but I have many fond memories of our travel time. So maybe some new lingerie would be the icing on top of the cake for this trip.


Disclosure: EdenFantasys provided me with a gift card in exchange for this post. All opinions are my own, and were not influenced in any way.

March Q&A - 2 more Questions

Have you ever had your breasts whipped or caned? If so what was it like? If not would you like to have it ?
Yes, I have had them whipped, canned, flogged, cropped, punched, slapped and had many other implements used on them. The baton and evil stick probably hurt the most.  Or the rubber flogger. I don't think Master has used the braided flogger on my breasts before just my ass, back and thighs because that thing hurts more then anything - the leather is different - harder and it hurts in that oh my gawd yes I love pain way.  I am not sure I know how to describe the pain inflicted on my breasts.  I am masochist so pain hurts and I like that it hurts. I like to suffer. So feeling the sting of a whip or cane just a shock of pain vibrating through me and that is a good thing to me.  


I do like pain on my breasts and Master doesn't usually leave them untouched during sex - they are grabbed hard, slapped and punched often.  Which probably those things hurt more then any implement as Master hurts them longer then a sting of a whip or cane can inflict on me. 


I haven't had anal sex before, but my husband wants to try it. Can you give me any tips for decreasing the pain? 
I am going to say this...I don't think much can decrease the pain of the first, second, third...or how ever many times...it just depends on the person and how big your husband's cock is on how much pain you will feel. But for me there has always been some pain. 


I have been having anal sex since I was 18 and I am now 44 and it still hurts. But....it hurts less then it does the first time because I do use anal plugs so my ass is used to something being there.  So start with a butt plug. Something small and then you can move up in sizes. But get your ass used to having something there.  Use LUBE on the plugs.  Then maybe move on to your husband using fingers on you, moving in and out so you are used to the motion/friction that happens even though it will be much thinner with fingers.  


When we are going to have anal sex,  I do a deep breath in before he pushes in and as he pushes in a little more - I let the breath out and let my ass muscles relax and push out because that opens me up more. Use LOTS of lube and tell your husband how it is feeling. If you need him to stop right where he is - ask him to stop and not move. Take a few moments to breath and relax and then have him start again slowly.  Some people prefer it to just be shoved in - go fast to get it in and then they can relax easier.  So you need to find what works for you. 
You don't need to do an enema before hand, but you can if you wish. Just water nothing else.  If Master is the mood he basically questions me on how my bowel movement was - because if I had one then I am probably cleaned out good enough.  Maybe I am having stomach problems/bowel issues - he wants to know that before sticking his cock up my ass. :)   It does take talking about something that can be embarrassing to many, but better to talk about it then have surprises. 


Remember it is March Question Month. Ask any question and I will blog my answer. You can ask even ask anonymously. Just post your question(s) here in comments or via email. 

March Q&A - 1

I have been a long time reader of yours. I mean since almost the first months of your blog in 2000.  I lost track of it for a while but have been reading again for the last several years.  What I have noticed on your blog is you used to write a lot about your feelings and what was going on in your life and although you share feelings and what is going on in your life now...it seems a little distant. You used to post more often also. What made you stop sharing and posting as much?


I think it is a lot of things and not one stands out more to me then the other....

I am living life instead of writing about it.  Before I was looking for that Dominant of my dreams and my life was really chaotic so I wrote about it because I needed the outlet to purge it. It was pretty much the icon in my post - if didn't write then - I would have gone mad.  Now I am living with my Dominant of my dreams and living life - so I don't need to write about it.  Things aren't chaotic with Master. It is pretty normal  - boring I am sure looking from the outside.

Next I am much more careful with my words now that I am owned. Every word that comes out of my mouth to me is a reflection on him and that at times makes me very sensitive and overly cautious that I am going to say something to embarrass him, misrepresent him, just screw up in some way with what I have said - so I chose my words very carefully now and only post either when I have had him read it and he is okay with it. Or when it don't have time to think. And that doesn't happen often.

Finally I think I just don't have the time. I am working with Master's business, I am doing things around his home, I have the domestic blog, plus other online projects and so on that keep me busy and so this blog kind of gets put on the bottom of the heap.  It bothers me that it does as this blog has been a part of my life for 12 years so I really never want to stop and hope to carry on with it for quite some time - even if not the same as it was in the beginning.


Remember it is March Question Month. Ask any question and I will blog my answer. You can ask even ask anonymously. Just post your question(s) here in comments or via email. 

March Question Month

Ask any question and I will blog my answer. You can ask even ask anonymously. Just post your question(s) here in comments or via email.