So let's start with what a play party actually is...it is a party where kinky people engage in kinky play. It can be a more organized event type party such as when I lived in Cleveland, a local group had their meeting and then a play party after at a local dungeon. Dungeons often have lots of equipment such as spanking benches, St. Andrew's crosses, cages, tables for bondage and other devious torture. They sometimes have areas designed for blood sports or water play, but I found that most of the play parties didn't allow those things. The dungeon rented the space out for private sessions to do those things, but in a big group they didn't want to be liable for fluids spattering on someone. Also usually no sex at public dungeon spaces even when rented by a private party such as the local BDSM group because that can come across as selling sex when you pay to get into the dungeon.
Some play parties are just local fetish nights at a bar or dance club. They might have a dresscode and won't usually allow for nudity. They will have a limited area of play and often have performers as entertainment. They don't often allow for many things that the dungeons don't - such as sex, blood play or water sports.
Private play parties are held in homes. I attended many that were held in private homes as well as hosted play parties in my home. My former dominant and I didn't have equipment, but some private home play parties do have equipment and an actual space laid out as a dungeon. Such as one private home that I went to for a party had their whole basement set up as a dungeon. They had several play areas laid out with equipment, toys hanging around on the walls, and then they had a bathroom for clean up after play or for water sports.
Many of the private home play parties I went too, maybe had one or two pieces of equipment if that, but had chairs, stools, beds, couches and other such normal everyday furniture available for use in whatever creative way you wished. Our play parties usually just utilized our furniture. We did have a friend that had a portable St. Andrew's cross - so sometimes he would bring that.
Many of the private home play parties didn't involve sex either. Some did, but the majority of the ones I went to didn't have sex allowed. Mostly I think that was because you are going to be fucking, sucking or whatever on their everyday furniture and they don't want fluids on them. It wasn't that we are were prudes and didn't enjoy sex with our BDSM - it was that "hey you are on my couch without pants and cum spurting out of your dick." The play parties I hosted with my former dominant, did allow for sexual activity to happen at times, but usually just one room of our home. (I will describe that set up in part 2)
When we had parties, we only invited close friends and usually kept it to a certain number of people just so everyone could have time to play. Some people ended up getting their feelings hurt when we didn't invite them. Some people take it very personally and I get how it can be personal. Why someone and not someone else might be invited, but I will say the people hosting the party need to be the ones comfortable with inviting people into their homes. Being in their personal space with photos of their kids on the wall, neighbors walking their dogs past and so on can be outside of a comfort zone. It is a very personal intimate thing to be invited into a home.
Our parties often ended up being about numbers. We didn't want it too big and it was hard to pick and choose who could come. I had a group of very good friends in Cleveland so they were what I will call my tribe. But when we invited the tribe to our parties - we right away had 10 people so it didn't leave a lot left on who else could invite even though there were many times I wanted others too.
I will say that there were a few people I didn't invite until after knowing them for several years. I know it easy to not feel slighted, but just to try to remember it takes time to get to know someone and invite them into your personal space. Especially when you are opening your home up for such intimate activities.
Part 2 will describe what happened when I hosted parties: house rules, areas of play, clean up, sex areas, and a few other little things.
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