Just a quickie...
Master always takes care of everything. Today I was getting very nervous, overwhelmed and such with the impending trip. and He as usual took care of me...and solved some of my problems. I am very lucky!
Monday, January 12, 2004
Saturday, January 10, 2004
Mood: good but tired and out of it a little bit
Music: none just hearing Master's Madden 2004 Playstation game playing in background
Topic: Weekend Update - playing recap :)
Not even sure how to start this post...
Hmmmm...last night we had chinese take-out and watched movies. Honey called me. It was nice to chat with her as I had not had a chance to in a while. I chatted with Moni the other day too on the phone and am looking forward to seeing her next week :)
I am still feeling fuzzy and out of it from our day of play. It was too heavy or anything I think there was just an intimacy level there that was more intense.
It is so odd with Master and I at times - I will think something and He will moments later do or say the thing I was thinking about - not only in play but in vanilla related things too. It is the same with Him too He has been thinking something and then I mention the same thing. And that type of thing happened a lot today.
Master and I slept in because we went to bed late. I was having some anxiety about sleeping last night as the night before last was literally a horror. So we slept in and when we woke we laid in bed talking, snuggling and then taking little cat naps....
After one of the little cat naps Master started playing with my breasts grabbing, squeezing, twisting, slapping, punching. I was having trouble accepting it (mentally). I just was not in that frame of mind so it was kind of hard to jump into a playing mindset. So it really hurt more then it usually does when in the mindset. Master then put the gag harness on me and it puts me in a space almost immediately. I was fuzzy. (I hope Ray reads this next part as he will love it LOL) He started pulling on my tits like you milk a cow and told me that He had fantasies of bring me to a barn and putting me in a stall. The binding me up so that I was on all fours but not able to use hands and feet. And then putting a big cow bell around my neck and milking me like a cow from my utters. He did it so hard and long that I was really wiggling around in pain. And then He stopped and just started using my tits like a punching bag....He just kept punching one blow after another on my tits.
He then told me to take my panties off....and He pushed my legs up and pressed the vibrator to my cunt. I humped the vibrator to orgasm and then He snuggled me up close and told me I was a good girl and He was proud of me. Something that every time He says still gets to me...it makes me cry because I almost can't believe I have someone telling me that...not sure that makes sense.
I then started stroking His cock and before long He was taking me. *blushing* Afterwards we snuggle for a bit and then He released me from the ball gag harness.
We took our ritual shower together and afterwards went to run some errands. It was late in the afternoon by the time we were done playing and taking our shower and we had not ate all day so we were hungry so went and grabbed something to eat before our errands.
It is cold outside so I am glad we are back home. I will be going to make dinner soon and we will be watching The Thomas Crown Affair. I like the first version but never saw the remake with Pierce Brosnan and Rene Russo.
Music: none just hearing Master's Madden 2004 Playstation game playing in background
Topic: Weekend Update - playing recap :)
Not even sure how to start this post...
Hmmmm...last night we had chinese take-out and watched movies. Honey called me. It was nice to chat with her as I had not had a chance to in a while. I chatted with Moni the other day too on the phone and am looking forward to seeing her next week :)
I am still feeling fuzzy and out of it from our day of play. It was too heavy or anything I think there was just an intimacy level there that was more intense.
It is so odd with Master and I at times - I will think something and He will moments later do or say the thing I was thinking about - not only in play but in vanilla related things too. It is the same with Him too He has been thinking something and then I mention the same thing. And that type of thing happened a lot today.
Master and I slept in because we went to bed late. I was having some anxiety about sleeping last night as the night before last was literally a horror. So we slept in and when we woke we laid in bed talking, snuggling and then taking little cat naps....
After one of the little cat naps Master started playing with my breasts grabbing, squeezing, twisting, slapping, punching. I was having trouble accepting it (mentally). I just was not in that frame of mind so it was kind of hard to jump into a playing mindset. So it really hurt more then it usually does when in the mindset. Master then put the gag harness on me and it puts me in a space almost immediately. I was fuzzy. (I hope Ray reads this next part as he will love it LOL) He started pulling on my tits like you milk a cow and told me that He had fantasies of bring me to a barn and putting me in a stall. The binding me up so that I was on all fours but not able to use hands and feet. And then putting a big cow bell around my neck and milking me like a cow from my utters. He did it so hard and long that I was really wiggling around in pain. And then He stopped and just started using my tits like a punching bag....He just kept punching one blow after another on my tits.
He then told me to take my panties off....and He pushed my legs up and pressed the vibrator to my cunt. I humped the vibrator to orgasm and then He snuggled me up close and told me I was a good girl and He was proud of me. Something that every time He says still gets to me...it makes me cry because I almost can't believe I have someone telling me that...not sure that makes sense.
I then started stroking His cock and before long He was taking me. *blushing* Afterwards we snuggle for a bit and then He released me from the ball gag harness.
We took our ritual shower together and afterwards went to run some errands. It was late in the afternoon by the time we were done playing and taking our shower and we had not ate all day so we were hungry so went and grabbed something to eat before our errands.
It is cold outside so I am glad we are back home. I will be going to make dinner soon and we will be watching The Thomas Crown Affair. I like the first version but never saw the remake with Pierce Brosnan and Rene Russo.
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
Mood: pretty okay despite having fighting a migraine all day
Music: Sarah McLachlan ~ Afterglow
Topics: Master being WONDERFUL as usual, Denver Nuggets, F*ckhose, Ritual Shower
This evening Master and I were watching Angel and an advertisement came on for the release of Underworld on DVD. And Master said that He thought He should go get it for me. I told Him it was not necessary - to which He laughed - as He does often when I say things like that. He said I deserve it. *smiles* I have a wonderful Master. :) So He went to Wal-Mart and told me to sign online and vote for the NBA All-Stars.
We were watching the Denver Nuggets after Angel. So I just voted (needed some help from Master after He got home as I am not as into basketball as I used to be - so did not know who was who except for some Nuggets that we like). I voted for Carmello Anthony, Nene and also did a write in vote of Camby from the Nuggets too. One person that I always liked when I was into basketball was Reggie Miller. So on the Eastern Conference I voted for him.
This a journal entry....
If you have read my journal long enough you know that I dress for my Master every night when He comes home from work. A few weeks ago Master mentioned something about He wanted to rip into a pair of pantyhose and fuck me through the hole in them. He liked the thought of ripping them and also fucking me. Anyway, He did not want to do it to a good pair (I have hose that I wear that are hard to find here on the Western Slope in Colorado) so one night He came home and I was wearing a pair of pantyhose and said informed him that the hose I was wearing were hose that if He wanted to rip and fuck me in He could. Well that gave Him enough inspiration that He took me to the bedroom to play!
He put the leather hood on and laced it up very tight. Probably the tightest it had been before that night. He played with my breasts caressing them softly at first - almost giving me the impression he wasn't going to be sadistic - and then of course he began to be more harsh on them. He slapped and punched. He then turned me on my stomach and spanked me. A nice erotic spanking mixed in with some sadistic punching to my ass also. I was very very turned on and moaning. He ripped a hole in the pantyhose and then used my vibrator on me while spanking me. I had a very intense orgasm! Finally He pulled me to the edge of the bed and fucked me hard. I was screaming and moaning and writhing with pain and pleasure. mmmmmmmmm It was a good night!
/end journal entry
The hose that I chose for Master to rip into are not pretty hose as they are a pair that have a big crotch area that is re-enforced. And thus they are very strong in that area so they did not run. So I washed them to see if they would survive and they did because last night....
I put them on while getting dressed and made up for Master. I waited for Master in a black shirt flowing shirt with ONE button done so it was flowing open to expose my breasts and the other thing I was wearing....THAT pair of pantyhose. Master loves pantyhose so he saw the silky nylon stretching around my belly and bottom and was very pleased when He came home. He told me that I looked delicious and I said..."oh one more thing you might like about this pair"...I turned around and bent over. And He smiled and said, "Looks like my girl is begging to be fucked."
Well I helped perk Master up...that is my job right? *grins* someone has to do it...such a hard job! :) *blushing*
So we had dinner and talked about the class we are doing at SMART Fest. I then started to clean the kitchen. While cleaning, the phone rang. It was girlie. I had called on Tuesday, but she was not home and instead I talked to Grumbler Sir for a little bit. Anyway, girlie called me back last night and we talked. And I said, "do you want me to tease you?" She of course being the slut she is....*grins* said yes and I told her what I was wearing. Master calls them my fuckhose so I told her I was wearing a pair of hose that Master refers to as fuckhose. I then told her about the scene we had that created them. She was squirming. She can't say swear words. So she told me I would have to tell Grumbler Sir sooooo I told him and Master watched me and chuckled as I blushed and squirmed because it was far more embarrassing telling Grumbler Sir that then it was girlie.
After the phone call, Master and I chatted some more and watched some tv before heading to the bedroom where He again proceeded to put the leather hood on me, but He laced it up so tight that when we took it off I had a seam line on my nose and chin lol He had me on my back and He was very cruel to my tits. He really was squeezing, twisting, pounding and slapping them hard. It felt like He was trying to rip them off! And the same with the nipples. He then got out one of His favorite toys - that Katrina gave me. It is a music baton. It is like a little cane and hurts....a sharp intense pain. It is one of those that feels like it pierces the skin and then spreads out and then kind of goes away - like a cane does. But how Master uses it - the pain does not stop as He does not let it disappear - so it just seems to increase!
So He used that on my tits. I was VERY wet and turned on before He got the vibrator out and used it on me. But for reasons He and I talked about - I was not able to have an orgasm. He was VERY turned on so He took me, used me, fucked me. :) It was hard and rough - just the way I like it. *blushing* After He used me, we snuggle and talked. When He took the hood off and saw the seam, He was happy.
While we were playing - when He was abusing my tits - I snuggled up against Him. It is such a paradox....He is the person I feel safe with yet He was hurting my tits...abusing them...torturing them so I snuggled against Him to feel safe. But yet He was the one causing me to suffer. So where is the logic in me snuggling up against the sadist causing me this pain? LOL
He did stop a little bit when I snuggled up against Him - though not for long - as it gave Him a whole another set of of emotions to want to use me. His hooded girl being so close - the leather rubbing up against His skin and Him knowing it was His animal - His nothing really turned Him on even more. I think that is about the time when He got the baton out. LOL
hmm what else I think I have a few other things I want to write about...
This morning we did a ritual shower. We had not done one in a long while and so it was quite intense. It was wonderful though. I got to bath Master, play with His cock and feel all the soapy water drip on me after He pissed, came and spit on me. *blushing*
While looking for my past description of our ritual showers, I found this post and it made me wet thinking about it....the bruises and lip.
Well I can't find the description in my archives, but here is the one I used to have on my website...
We take a shower together. I sit in the bottom of the shower. Master starts the shower off with pissing. I am working to drink all of His piss during this time, but He also splashes some on me too. But the goal is to drink as most of it as I can drink. Master then goes to the usual part of the shower - that is basically taking His shower as normal. All His soapy suds and water from washing His body dripping on me as He washes up.
I also sometimes play with Master cock and He cums on me. He spits on me in the shower also. Always tilting my face up to Him as He spits on me so it drips down my face. I feel very used and dirty.
So that is the shower - the shower at first made me so fuzzy it was hard to focus after them. It puts me in my place - reminds me who I am - and gets me in the right place to start the day. They are very intense and still make me a little fuzzy, but as I said start my day out putting me in the right mindset to focus on doing good work for Master.
If anyone wants some good masturbational fodder...they should read some of the archvies...especially these...(I got side tracked looking at archives when looking for description of shower so decided to share *blushing*) Most of Febuary 2003. And much of the July archive especially after Thunder in the Mountains!
Master is watching X2 while I write this....tomorrow I hope the migraine stays away so I can get some things accomplished. I also hope I sleep well as the last 2 nights have been kind of restless.
Music: Sarah McLachlan ~ Afterglow
Topics: Master being WONDERFUL as usual, Denver Nuggets, F*ckhose, Ritual Shower
This evening Master and I were watching Angel and an advertisement came on for the release of Underworld on DVD. And Master said that He thought He should go get it for me. I told Him it was not necessary - to which He laughed - as He does often when I say things like that. He said I deserve it. *smiles* I have a wonderful Master. :) So He went to Wal-Mart and told me to sign online and vote for the NBA All-Stars.
We were watching the Denver Nuggets after Angel. So I just voted (needed some help from Master after He got home as I am not as into basketball as I used to be - so did not know who was who except for some Nuggets that we like). I voted for Carmello Anthony, Nene and also did a write in vote of Camby from the Nuggets too. One person that I always liked when I was into basketball was Reggie Miller. So on the Eastern Conference I voted for him.
This a journal entry....
If you have read my journal long enough you know that I dress for my Master every night when He comes home from work. A few weeks ago Master mentioned something about He wanted to rip into a pair of pantyhose and fuck me through the hole in them. He liked the thought of ripping them and also fucking me. Anyway, He did not want to do it to a good pair (I have hose that I wear that are hard to find here on the Western Slope in Colorado) so one night He came home and I was wearing a pair of pantyhose and said informed him that the hose I was wearing were hose that if He wanted to rip and fuck me in He could. Well that gave Him enough inspiration that He took me to the bedroom to play!
He put the leather hood on and laced it up very tight. Probably the tightest it had been before that night. He played with my breasts caressing them softly at first - almost giving me the impression he wasn't going to be sadistic - and then of course he began to be more harsh on them. He slapped and punched. He then turned me on my stomach and spanked me. A nice erotic spanking mixed in with some sadistic punching to my ass also. I was very very turned on and moaning. He ripped a hole in the pantyhose and then used my vibrator on me while spanking me. I had a very intense orgasm! Finally He pulled me to the edge of the bed and fucked me hard. I was screaming and moaning and writhing with pain and pleasure. mmmmmmmmm It was a good night!
/end journal entry
The hose that I chose for Master to rip into are not pretty hose as they are a pair that have a big crotch area that is re-enforced. And thus they are very strong in that area so they did not run. So I washed them to see if they would survive and they did because last night....
I put them on while getting dressed and made up for Master. I waited for Master in a black shirt flowing shirt with ONE button done so it was flowing open to expose my breasts and the other thing I was wearing....THAT pair of pantyhose. Master loves pantyhose so he saw the silky nylon stretching around my belly and bottom and was very pleased when He came home. He told me that I looked delicious and I said..."oh one more thing you might like about this pair"...I turned around and bent over. And He smiled and said, "Looks like my girl is begging to be fucked."
Well I helped perk Master up...that is my job right? *grins* someone has to do it...such a hard job! :) *blushing*
So we had dinner and talked about the class we are doing at SMART Fest. I then started to clean the kitchen. While cleaning, the phone rang. It was girlie. I had called on Tuesday, but she was not home and instead I talked to Grumbler Sir for a little bit. Anyway, girlie called me back last night and we talked. And I said, "do you want me to tease you?" She of course being the slut she is....*grins* said yes and I told her what I was wearing. Master calls them my fuckhose so I told her I was wearing a pair of hose that Master refers to as fuckhose. I then told her about the scene we had that created them. She was squirming. She can't say swear words. So she told me I would have to tell Grumbler Sir sooooo I told him and Master watched me and chuckled as I blushed and squirmed because it was far more embarrassing telling Grumbler Sir that then it was girlie.
After the phone call, Master and I chatted some more and watched some tv before heading to the bedroom where He again proceeded to put the leather hood on me, but He laced it up so tight that when we took it off I had a seam line on my nose and chin lol He had me on my back and He was very cruel to my tits. He really was squeezing, twisting, pounding and slapping them hard. It felt like He was trying to rip them off! And the same with the nipples. He then got out one of His favorite toys - that Katrina gave me. It is a music baton. It is like a little cane and hurts....a sharp intense pain. It is one of those that feels like it pierces the skin and then spreads out and then kind of goes away - like a cane does. But how Master uses it - the pain does not stop as He does not let it disappear - so it just seems to increase!
So He used that on my tits. I was VERY wet and turned on before He got the vibrator out and used it on me. But for reasons He and I talked about - I was not able to have an orgasm. He was VERY turned on so He took me, used me, fucked me. :) It was hard and rough - just the way I like it. *blushing* After He used me, we snuggle and talked. When He took the hood off and saw the seam, He was happy.
While we were playing - when He was abusing my tits - I snuggled up against Him. It is such a paradox....He is the person I feel safe with yet He was hurting my tits...abusing them...torturing them so I snuggled against Him to feel safe. But yet He was the one causing me to suffer. So where is the logic in me snuggling up against the sadist causing me this pain? LOL
He did stop a little bit when I snuggled up against Him - though not for long - as it gave Him a whole another set of of emotions to want to use me. His hooded girl being so close - the leather rubbing up against His skin and Him knowing it was His animal - His nothing really turned Him on even more. I think that is about the time when He got the baton out. LOL
hmm what else I think I have a few other things I want to write about...
This morning we did a ritual shower. We had not done one in a long while and so it was quite intense. It was wonderful though. I got to bath Master, play with His cock and feel all the soapy water drip on me after He pissed, came and spit on me. *blushing*
While looking for my past description of our ritual showers, I found this post and it made me wet thinking about it....the bruises and lip.
Well I can't find the description in my archives, but here is the one I used to have on my website...
We take a shower together. I sit in the bottom of the shower. Master starts the shower off with pissing. I am working to drink all of His piss during this time, but He also splashes some on me too. But the goal is to drink as most of it as I can drink. Master then goes to the usual part of the shower - that is basically taking His shower as normal. All His soapy suds and water from washing His body dripping on me as He washes up.
I also sometimes play with Master cock and He cums on me. He spits on me in the shower also. Always tilting my face up to Him as He spits on me so it drips down my face. I feel very used and dirty.
So that is the shower - the shower at first made me so fuzzy it was hard to focus after them. It puts me in my place - reminds me who I am - and gets me in the right place to start the day. They are very intense and still make me a little fuzzy, but as I said start my day out putting me in the right mindset to focus on doing good work for Master.
If anyone wants some good masturbational fodder...they should read some of the archvies...especially these...(I got side tracked looking at archives when looking for description of shower so decided to share *blushing*) Most of Febuary 2003. And much of the July archive especially after Thunder in the Mountains!
Master is watching X2 while I write this....tomorrow I hope the migraine stays away so I can get some things accomplished. I also hope I sleep well as the last 2 nights have been kind of restless.
Sunday, January 04, 2004
Quizzes, Passion/Submission, Horoscopes...
I have cut stuff from this one :)
Your Life path number is 6.
There are 288 days till your next birthday
and there are 356 days till Christmas 2004!
The moon's phase on the day you were
born was full.
http://www.paulsadowski.com/birthday.asp
The Life Path Number
The Life Path is the sum of the birth date. This number represents who you are at birth and the native traits that you will carry with you through life. The most important number that will be discussed here is your Life Path number. The Life Path describes the nature of this journey through life.
The Life Path 6 indicates that very prominent in your nature is a strong sense of responsibility. You are idealistic and must feel useful to be happy. The main contribution you make is that of advice, service and ever present support. This is the Life Path related to leadership by example and assumption of responsibility, thus, it is your obligation to pick up the burden and always be ready to help. The Life Path 6 is one who is compelled to function with strength and compassion, a sympathetic and kind person, generous with personal and material resources. Wisdom, balance, and understanding are the cornerstones of this Life Path. Your extraordinary wisdom and the ability to understand the problems of others is apt to commence from an early age allowing you to easily span the generation gap and assume an important role in life early on. While the 6 may assume huge responsibilities in the community, the life revolves around the immediate home and family, for this is the most domestic of numbers. Most with Life Path 6 are the positive types who willingly carry far more than their fair share of the load and are always there when needed. You are very human and realistic about life, and you feel that the most important thing in your life is the home, family and friends.
The number 6 Life Path actually produces few negative examples, but there are some pitfalls peculiar to the path. Avoid a tendency to become overwhelmed by responsibilities and a slave to others. Also, avoid being too critical (of yourself or of others). The misuse of this Life Path produces tendencies towards exaggeration, over-expansiveness, and self-righteousness. Imposing one's views in an interfering or meddling way must be an issue of concern. The natural burdens of this number are heavy, and on rare occasions, responsibility is abdicated by persons with this Life Path 6. This rejection of responsibility will make you feel very guilty and uneasy, and it will have very damaging effects upon your relationships with others.
So does that sound like me?
Passion in Submission
Today was Football day (not a good football day so don't bring it up to Master - lol) ....so that left me reading and surfing the web. I really spent a lot of time sorting pictures for my adult yahoo picture group.
Each day I send out pictures daily to my yahoogroup and I used to get turned on a lot by them. But now I just kind of don't see them. But today as I was looking pictures (to get ready for weeks ahead - each week is a theme so I gather the themes ahead of time - this past week was hogtied), I was seeing passion, suffering, pain, love, focus, humiliation and so much more....
I saw submission...they were not struggling, but enduring pain...
There were pictures of women that should have maybe been struggling and writhing in pain, but they were simply submitting to the pain....to the person causing the pain....
More then that....submitting...not only body, but with passion and humility.
All that coming out in a picture...maybe that is what I was wanting to see...
Because those are things I am missing right now. I serve Master daily. We have the power exchange always. But I serve Him in ways that really don't bring those feelings out though. I do it because it is my duty as His slave. I want to submit without thinking or feeling....
no that is not the right words...I want to feel, but I wish I could feel....that humility and passion in each movement...caring only what I can do to please and serve.
I want and desire to please and serve Master...and do both.
I just want to feel the passion and humility from the submission again.
But I have to say it is just like any relationship not just a M/s one....there were times in my vanilla life it felt off...felt like the passion was missing and other times it was loaded with passion.
I just am missing the passion of submission. I remember the good old days of getting wet cleaning Master's toilet and...now that is not there. At times I think some of those things that did cause me to feel that passion in my submission - have been grown beyond. Like I have done that, accomplished it and now I am ready to go somewhere new? Not that cleaning the toilet is not a task that I don't want (using just as an example LOL) it is just that I want the next challenge...is that the right word..challenge? I just want to feel the passion and humility in my submission.
Horoscopes...
His...SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22–Dec 21): Communication with others is always important to you Archers, but now and old misunderstanding can come back to haunt you. It may be that a detail fell through the cracks, and now you have to go back and get the information that you missed. This can put some strain on a variety of relationship in your life as you seek to turn this problem into an opportunity. But then again, you are very skilled at turning lemons into lemonade.
mine...LIBRA (Sep 23–Oct 22): You make it look easy, but it's really not. You could be struggling now in ways that aren't apparent to others. You want to love and be loved, but it's difficult to bring the truth out without having to deal with some temporarily unpleasant consequences. Take it slowly. You might not know which way to turn yet, but as the fog lifts, your next move will become quite obvious to you. And it's a move that you'll be ready to make.
I have started and stopped an entry a lot in the last 3 months....
But I think I am going to have to do it because it just keeps eating at me. It will be a rant about friends. It hurts and irritates me that I have to write about it. Because that means it has gotten so bad that I can't just let it go anymore. :(
Master just came in to give me a piece of candy and made me pant and bark for it. *blushing*
Okay signing off to go watch Trading Spaces with Master.
The Lovers often refers to a relationship that is based on deep love - the strongest force of all. The relationship may not be sexual, although it often is or could be. More generally, the Lovers can represent the attractive force that draws any two entities together in a relationship - whether people, ideas, events, movements or groups. For a full description of your card and other goodies, please visit LearnTarot.com |
What tarot card are you? Enter your birthdate. |
I am The Lovers~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I have cut stuff from this one :)
Your Life path number is 6.
There are 288 days till your next birthday
and there are 356 days till Christmas 2004!
The moon's phase on the day you were
born was full.
http://www.paulsadowski.com/birthday.asp
The Life Path Number
The Life Path is the sum of the birth date. This number represents who you are at birth and the native traits that you will carry with you through life. The most important number that will be discussed here is your Life Path number. The Life Path describes the nature of this journey through life.
The Life Path 6 indicates that very prominent in your nature is a strong sense of responsibility. You are idealistic and must feel useful to be happy. The main contribution you make is that of advice, service and ever present support. This is the Life Path related to leadership by example and assumption of responsibility, thus, it is your obligation to pick up the burden and always be ready to help. The Life Path 6 is one who is compelled to function with strength and compassion, a sympathetic and kind person, generous with personal and material resources. Wisdom, balance, and understanding are the cornerstones of this Life Path. Your extraordinary wisdom and the ability to understand the problems of others is apt to commence from an early age allowing you to easily span the generation gap and assume an important role in life early on. While the 6 may assume huge responsibilities in the community, the life revolves around the immediate home and family, for this is the most domestic of numbers. Most with Life Path 6 are the positive types who willingly carry far more than their fair share of the load and are always there when needed. You are very human and realistic about life, and you feel that the most important thing in your life is the home, family and friends.
The number 6 Life Path actually produces few negative examples, but there are some pitfalls peculiar to the path. Avoid a tendency to become overwhelmed by responsibilities and a slave to others. Also, avoid being too critical (of yourself or of others). The misuse of this Life Path produces tendencies towards exaggeration, over-expansiveness, and self-righteousness. Imposing one's views in an interfering or meddling way must be an issue of concern. The natural burdens of this number are heavy, and on rare occasions, responsibility is abdicated by persons with this Life Path 6. This rejection of responsibility will make you feel very guilty and uneasy, and it will have very damaging effects upon your relationships with others.
So does that sound like me?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Passion in Submission
Today was Football day (not a good football day so don't bring it up to Master - lol) ....so that left me reading and surfing the web. I really spent a lot of time sorting pictures for my adult yahoo picture group.
Each day I send out pictures daily to my yahoogroup and I used to get turned on a lot by them. But now I just kind of don't see them. But today as I was looking pictures (to get ready for weeks ahead - each week is a theme so I gather the themes ahead of time - this past week was hogtied), I was seeing passion, suffering, pain, love, focus, humiliation and so much more....
I saw submission...they were not struggling, but enduring pain...
There were pictures of women that should have maybe been struggling and writhing in pain, but they were simply submitting to the pain....to the person causing the pain....
More then that....submitting...not only body, but with passion and humility.
All that coming out in a picture...maybe that is what I was wanting to see...
Because those are things I am missing right now. I serve Master daily. We have the power exchange always. But I serve Him in ways that really don't bring those feelings out though. I do it because it is my duty as His slave. I want to submit without thinking or feeling....
no that is not the right words...I want to feel, but I wish I could feel....that humility and passion in each movement...caring only what I can do to please and serve.
I want and desire to please and serve Master...and do both.
I just want to feel the passion and humility from the submission again.
But I have to say it is just like any relationship not just a M/s one....there were times in my vanilla life it felt off...felt like the passion was missing and other times it was loaded with passion.
I just am missing the passion of submission. I remember the good old days of getting wet cleaning Master's toilet and...now that is not there. At times I think some of those things that did cause me to feel that passion in my submission - have been grown beyond. Like I have done that, accomplished it and now I am ready to go somewhere new? Not that cleaning the toilet is not a task that I don't want (using just as an example LOL) it is just that I want the next challenge...is that the right word..challenge? I just want to feel the passion and humility in my submission.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Horoscopes...
His...SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22–Dec 21): Communication with others is always important to you Archers, but now and old misunderstanding can come back to haunt you. It may be that a detail fell through the cracks, and now you have to go back and get the information that you missed. This can put some strain on a variety of relationship in your life as you seek to turn this problem into an opportunity. But then again, you are very skilled at turning lemons into lemonade.
mine...LIBRA (Sep 23–Oct 22): You make it look easy, but it's really not. You could be struggling now in ways that aren't apparent to others. You want to love and be loved, but it's difficult to bring the truth out without having to deal with some temporarily unpleasant consequences. Take it slowly. You might not know which way to turn yet, but as the fog lifts, your next move will become quite obvious to you. And it's a move that you'll be ready to make.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I have started and stopped an entry a lot in the last 3 months....
But I think I am going to have to do it because it just keeps eating at me. It will be a rant about friends. It hurts and irritates me that I have to write about it. Because that means it has gotten so bad that I can't just let it go anymore. :(
Master just came in to give me a piece of candy and made me pant and bark for it. *blushing*
Okay signing off to go watch Trading Spaces with Master.
Saturday, January 03, 2004
Just a BUNCH of quotes...
"'I am breathing in and making my whole body calm and at peace. I am breathing out and making my whole body calm and at peace.' This is how one practices." -The Sutra on Full Awareness of Breathing
You must discern the result in the cause, and discern the cause in the result. -Ta-sui
Mindfulness is never boring. -Bhante Henepola Gunaratana, "Mindfulness in Plain English"
He who has not attained the power yet wears the garb of saints
Is like a cow that grazes about wearing a tiger's skin.
He who conceals himself beneath saintly robes and commits sins
Is like the hunter who hides in the bushes to snare unwary birds.
-Tirukkural 28: 273-274
Avoid the crowd. Do your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece. - Ralph Charell
In the beginning mindfulness takes away worries and fears about past and future and keeps us anchored in the present. In the end it points to the right view of the self. -Ayya Khema, "Be and Island"
You can only have bliss if you don't chase it. -Bhante Henepola Gunaratana, "Mindfulness in Plain English"
"'I am breathing in and making my whole body calm and at peace. I am breathing out and making my whole body calm and at peace.' This is how one practices." -The Sutra on Full Awareness of Breathing
You must discern the result in the cause, and discern the cause in the result. -Ta-sui
Mindfulness is never boring. -Bhante Henepola Gunaratana, "Mindfulness in Plain English"
He who has not attained the power yet wears the garb of saints
Is like a cow that grazes about wearing a tiger's skin.
He who conceals himself beneath saintly robes and commits sins
Is like the hunter who hides in the bushes to snare unwary birds.
-Tirukkural 28: 273-274
Avoid the crowd. Do your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece. - Ralph Charell
In the beginning mindfulness takes away worries and fears about past and future and keeps us anchored in the present. In the end it points to the right view of the self. -Ayya Khema, "Be and Island"
You can only have bliss if you don't chase it. -Bhante Henepola Gunaratana, "Mindfulness in Plain English"
Horoscopes for today...
His...SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22–Dec 21): The energy in your life shifts now as you move your attention to a variety of situations. Most important on your list is how you manage your relationship with others. An unexpected twist can turn your day upside-down but if you are willing to be flexible, this can set you free from what was holding you back. Your logic is somewhat clouded now, so try to put off the most important decisions for a day or two.
mine...LIBRA (Sep 23–Oct 22): These have been times of growth for you in ways that are not necessarily seen by others. Your inner work has taken on a practical orientation, but it could be a while before the benefits become obvious. It can be frustrating, however, if you attempt to stay in the logical realms, for your imagination now needs to have some breathing room. Give yourself permission to dream or to daydream, without any need to be productive.
I think is weird how a topic comes up in one area of your life and then it seems to shoot up around you....isn't that odd? Does that happen to anyone else? Several lists I am on have been talking about - M/s groups, the need for friends and/or group that desire M/s relationships and also about prejudices against people in M/s relationships in the BDSM community when I wrote about that a few weeks ago. And now I am going over an article I wrote about collars and it seems to be a subject I am running into on a few lists.
In a post on December 21, I should not have said levels as that does not convey what I wanted it too (on my posts about who is better slaves or submissives.) I should have been clearer about that. I don't think it is a continuum....of you start as a bottom and work your way up to a slave. I have known people who have been slaves and then ended up being a bottom. I have known bottoms that have ended up as slaves. We each have our path. We each have to go in a direction that is best for ourselves and have our own personal process.
I mean I look at my path....how strange it is...
Started as kinky play at 16
Enslaved to Don at 18
And then it kind of goes all over the place from just being in vanilla relationships with occasional kink, to being submissive to my husband (no terminology for it - just me thinking I am being a "good" wife). And moving to being a bottom, to being in a long distance D/s relationship, to being a slave in a poly household, to being a bottom again and then in a D/s relationship and now a slave to Master.
I don't know how many times I wondered if I was submissive. I don't know how many times I was told I was not submissive. (More times then I care to remember) I was told that I could never be a slave. I was told I was too assertive and independent to be submissive. I was told I too strong willed. I was told I was too smart (yes really). I was told I had too strong of personality. I was told I was too opinionated (have a few friends that probably thought that one a few times *grins*)
But I am here now...it has taken a long time to get to this place of...being Master's property and slave. I think more importantly it took a long time before I allowed myself to be okay with being a slave. That I could be a slave and have a brain too. That I could be a slave and have an opinion. That I could be a slave and still be me. Because a slave is who I am…and when I fight it…that is when I feel unfulfilled.
On to other things...
I am getting nervous about speaking at SMART Fest. Master and I are going to speak about Living the Lifestyle within Reality. It is a topic near and dear to our hearts as it is something we have struggled with. We all, I think, go through a phase of thinking a 24/7 D/s relationship is hot S&M and sex 24/7 but of course we all know that is not true. But now that those expectations have been let down how do you learn to live within reality and enjoy your M/s or D/s relationship for what it is....real.
I have spoke a few times and I am terrible LOL I get sick to my stomach and so nervous I can barely speak. Yet, I have pushed myself to do things like this because I hope that it becomes easier. And I have been doing this...BDSM...for a while and been encouraged to share my thoughts and that is why I have done the public speaking thing.
So....Master and I are going to speak....not only once but 2 times too. I just am thankful it will be with Master and not alone. I remember when I was on a panel about submission...it was much easier then being up alone in front of a big group. The largest group I spoke to was 80-some people - and it was the first time I spoke (that is when I met Moni).
Okay what else...Oh New Years Eve...is usually kind of a bad night for me. It usually gives me flashbacks to things of the past. And this is the FIRST year that has not happened. I mean I thought about it but it did not send fear through me. It was more of a reflection...then a flashback. I am not sure that makes sense. But anyway, I was very happy that it turned out that way. No flashbacks just a nice quiet evening with Master. :)
This week has been a week of movie watching....Banger Sisters, White Oleander, Two Weeks Notice, and Mona Lisa Smile (plus Master watched Star Trek Nemisis).
Banger Sisters not a bad movie. I loved Suzette's (who was played by Goldie Hawn) references to sex. I related to it in many ways. I had seen White Oleander before, but liked seeing it again. I think Michelle Pfeiffer looks incredible in this movie. I like Hugh Grant. Four Wedding and a Funeral is such a funny movie to me. And I think he is very funny in Two Weeks Notice. And I like him with Sandra Bullock too.
On New Years Day we went to see Mona Lisa Smile. I thought it was a fairly good movie could have been better. I really wanted to see it because I am a Julia Roberts fan...yes really lol And then it had someone else I really like too...Maggie Gyllenhaal. Plus it had Julia Stiles, Kirsten Dunst and Ginnifer Goodwin (who Master liked and linked on His journal)
His...SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22–Dec 21): The energy in your life shifts now as you move your attention to a variety of situations. Most important on your list is how you manage your relationship with others. An unexpected twist can turn your day upside-down but if you are willing to be flexible, this can set you free from what was holding you back. Your logic is somewhat clouded now, so try to put off the most important decisions for a day or two.
mine...LIBRA (Sep 23–Oct 22): These have been times of growth for you in ways that are not necessarily seen by others. Your inner work has taken on a practical orientation, but it could be a while before the benefits become obvious. It can be frustrating, however, if you attempt to stay in the logical realms, for your imagination now needs to have some breathing room. Give yourself permission to dream or to daydream, without any need to be productive.
I think is weird how a topic comes up in one area of your life and then it seems to shoot up around you....isn't that odd? Does that happen to anyone else? Several lists I am on have been talking about - M/s groups, the need for friends and/or group that desire M/s relationships and also about prejudices against people in M/s relationships in the BDSM community when I wrote about that a few weeks ago. And now I am going over an article I wrote about collars and it seems to be a subject I am running into on a few lists.
In a post on December 21, I should not have said levels as that does not convey what I wanted it too (on my posts about who is better slaves or submissives.) I should have been clearer about that. I don't think it is a continuum....of you start as a bottom and work your way up to a slave. I have known people who have been slaves and then ended up being a bottom. I have known bottoms that have ended up as slaves. We each have our path. We each have to go in a direction that is best for ourselves and have our own personal process.
I mean I look at my path....how strange it is...
Started as kinky play at 16
Enslaved to Don at 18
And then it kind of goes all over the place from just being in vanilla relationships with occasional kink, to being submissive to my husband (no terminology for it - just me thinking I am being a "good" wife). And moving to being a bottom, to being in a long distance D/s relationship, to being a slave in a poly household, to being a bottom again and then in a D/s relationship and now a slave to Master.
I don't know how many times I wondered if I was submissive. I don't know how many times I was told I was not submissive. (More times then I care to remember) I was told that I could never be a slave. I was told I was too assertive and independent to be submissive. I was told I too strong willed. I was told I was too smart (yes really). I was told I had too strong of personality. I was told I was too opinionated (have a few friends that probably thought that one a few times *grins*)
But I am here now...it has taken a long time to get to this place of...being Master's property and slave. I think more importantly it took a long time before I allowed myself to be okay with being a slave. That I could be a slave and have a brain too. That I could be a slave and have an opinion. That I could be a slave and still be me. Because a slave is who I am…and when I fight it…that is when I feel unfulfilled.
On to other things...
I am getting nervous about speaking at SMART Fest. Master and I are going to speak about Living the Lifestyle within Reality. It is a topic near and dear to our hearts as it is something we have struggled with. We all, I think, go through a phase of thinking a 24/7 D/s relationship is hot S&M and sex 24/7 but of course we all know that is not true. But now that those expectations have been let down how do you learn to live within reality and enjoy your M/s or D/s relationship for what it is....real.
I have spoke a few times and I am terrible LOL I get sick to my stomach and so nervous I can barely speak. Yet, I have pushed myself to do things like this because I hope that it becomes easier. And I have been doing this...BDSM...for a while and been encouraged to share my thoughts and that is why I have done the public speaking thing.
So....Master and I are going to speak....not only once but 2 times too. I just am thankful it will be with Master and not alone. I remember when I was on a panel about submission...it was much easier then being up alone in front of a big group. The largest group I spoke to was 80-some people - and it was the first time I spoke (that is when I met Moni).
Okay what else...Oh New Years Eve...is usually kind of a bad night for me. It usually gives me flashbacks to things of the past. And this is the FIRST year that has not happened. I mean I thought about it but it did not send fear through me. It was more of a reflection...then a flashback. I am not sure that makes sense. But anyway, I was very happy that it turned out that way. No flashbacks just a nice quiet evening with Master. :)
This week has been a week of movie watching....Banger Sisters, White Oleander, Two Weeks Notice, and Mona Lisa Smile (plus Master watched Star Trek Nemisis).
Banger Sisters not a bad movie. I loved Suzette's (who was played by Goldie Hawn) references to sex. I related to it in many ways. I had seen White Oleander before, but liked seeing it again. I think Michelle Pfeiffer looks incredible in this movie. I like Hugh Grant. Four Wedding and a Funeral is such a funny movie to me. And I think he is very funny in Two Weeks Notice. And I like him with Sandra Bullock too.
On New Years Day we went to see Mona Lisa Smile. I thought it was a fairly good movie could have been better. I really wanted to see it because I am a Julia Roberts fan...yes really lol And then it had someone else I really like too...Maggie Gyllenhaal. Plus it had Julia Stiles, Kirsten Dunst and Ginnifer Goodwin (who Master liked and linked on His journal)
Thursday, January 01, 2004
A New Year....2004!
"May your year be filled with greater compassion for others, a deeper sense of tranquility for yourself, and a sense of adventure as you move into unnamed vistas ahead. May a sense of joy permeate your stillness and your actions spring from the depths of wisdom realized. "
That came in a New Year card. :)
This past year has given me so much....it has given me dreams come true. I am truly blessed and amazed.
The 2003 meme
You will see a common theme in 2003.....Master! *grins*
1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?
I guess the thing that keeps coming to mind is that I had faith in Master and I. I just knew it was right...and anytime doubts or fears started to play up - I would come back to that faith - that center that told me - He and I are meant to be together. So I am glad I listened to the center....kept faith in us and did not let those fears and doubts distroy our dream.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't make resolutions.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
yes
4. Did anyone close to you die?
yes
5. What countries did you visit?
none
6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?
less stress for Master, more acceptance
7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Feb. 1 ~ meeting Master
May 9 ~ coming home to Master
8. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?
allowing myself to be happy....allowing myself to find peace...all thanks to Master
9. What was your biggest failure(s)?
not sure I see anything as a real failure...per se.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
just the usual flu and cold
11. What was the best thing you bought?
My trip home to Master
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
for me....just me....mine. I have become more calm and at peace with myself...and I know I owe that to Master so I celebrate Him too.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Certain friends
14. Where did most of your money go?
moving to Colorado
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Many things! The 2 big ones though would be...Meeting Master! Coming home to Master!
Other things include: seeing all my friends in September....Grumbler and girlie's wedding...my parents meeting Master,
16. What song will always remind you of 2003?
I am sure there are many, but the one that is coming to mind of course right now is Feels Like Home by Chantel Kreviazuk
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?
very happy....I am more happy and at peace then I ever remember being.
- ii. thinner or fatter?
stayed same
- iii. richer or poorer?
I don't own anything so I guess poorer lol but so much richer in that fact that I am where I have always dreamed of being.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Not that I could have done this but I wish I would have had more time with friends.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
I can't think of anything at the moment.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
with Master having a cozy Christmas!
22. Did you fall in love in 2003?
Yes!
23. How many one-night stands?
ummm none
24. What was your favourite TV program?
As always Buffy. Trading Spaces being another.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't think I can "hate" anyone. There is several people I dislike a lot. LOL
26. What was the best book you read?
terrible to say that I did not read a whole lot in 2003...
I re-read the Valkyries and The Forgetting Room...both favorites. But I feel I am forgetting others that I enjoyed but obviously did not impact me that much lol
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I don't think I had a great musical discovery...Music has always played an important part in my life. I guess the album I related to the most this year was Evanescene ~ Fallen
28. What did you want and get?
to serve and please a wonderful Master :)
29. What did you want and not get?
there are some things but nothing that I am going to say.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
2nd and 3rd Matrix :)
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Master just has His surgery so we had a quiet night at home watching all the Matrix movies (The Matrix, Animatrix, Matrix Reloaded) before the 3rd came out. And then I made cheesecake for dessert/b-day cake. :) It turned out really yummy! The first one I made in the altitude so I was a little nervous! I turned 36 :(
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
MASTER!!! :)
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?
LOL I think this is a silly questions but also a fun question for the girly girl in me. Well I dress up more since being with Master. The fashion concept is wear what Master likes! LOL :)
34. What kept you sane?
Master. There is just no more chaos in my life and that keeps me so much more sane.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
hmmm I don't think there is really anyone.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
There are several things that really irritated me, but it is hard with me because I get so empathic with things like that - that it overwhelms me.
37. Who did you miss?
My parents and my friends
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Well Master is someone new I met in 2003 sooooo He would be the best new person!
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003:
That being open and honest with yourself - sticking to your beliefs and keeping the dream alive will land you where you want to be!
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
From Feels Like Home by Chantel Kreviazuk
Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life
If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
"May your year be filled with greater compassion for others, a deeper sense of tranquility for yourself, and a sense of adventure as you move into unnamed vistas ahead. May a sense of joy permeate your stillness and your actions spring from the depths of wisdom realized. "
That came in a New Year card. :)
This past year has given me so much....it has given me dreams come true. I am truly blessed and amazed.
The 2003 meme
You will see a common theme in 2003.....Master! *grins*
1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?
I guess the thing that keeps coming to mind is that I had faith in Master and I. I just knew it was right...and anytime doubts or fears started to play up - I would come back to that faith - that center that told me - He and I are meant to be together. So I am glad I listened to the center....kept faith in us and did not let those fears and doubts distroy our dream.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't make resolutions.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
yes
4. Did anyone close to you die?
yes
5. What countries did you visit?
none
6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?
less stress for Master, more acceptance
7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Feb. 1 ~ meeting Master
May 9 ~ coming home to Master
8. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?
allowing myself to be happy....allowing myself to find peace...all thanks to Master
9. What was your biggest failure(s)?
not sure I see anything as a real failure...per se.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
just the usual flu and cold
11. What was the best thing you bought?
My trip home to Master
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
for me....just me....mine. I have become more calm and at peace with myself...and I know I owe that to Master so I celebrate Him too.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Certain friends
14. Where did most of your money go?
moving to Colorado
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Many things! The 2 big ones though would be...Meeting Master! Coming home to Master!
Other things include: seeing all my friends in September....Grumbler and girlie's wedding...my parents meeting Master,
16. What song will always remind you of 2003?
I am sure there are many, but the one that is coming to mind of course right now is Feels Like Home by Chantel Kreviazuk
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?
very happy....I am more happy and at peace then I ever remember being.
- ii. thinner or fatter?
stayed same
- iii. richer or poorer?
I don't own anything so I guess poorer lol but so much richer in that fact that I am where I have always dreamed of being.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Not that I could have done this but I wish I would have had more time with friends.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
I can't think of anything at the moment.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
with Master having a cozy Christmas!
22. Did you fall in love in 2003?
Yes!
23. How many one-night stands?
ummm none
24. What was your favourite TV program?
As always Buffy. Trading Spaces being another.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't think I can "hate" anyone. There is several people I dislike a lot. LOL
26. What was the best book you read?
terrible to say that I did not read a whole lot in 2003...
I re-read the Valkyries and The Forgetting Room...both favorites. But I feel I am forgetting others that I enjoyed but obviously did not impact me that much lol
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I don't think I had a great musical discovery...Music has always played an important part in my life. I guess the album I related to the most this year was Evanescene ~ Fallen
28. What did you want and get?
to serve and please a wonderful Master :)
29. What did you want and not get?
there are some things but nothing that I am going to say.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
2nd and 3rd Matrix :)
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Master just has His surgery so we had a quiet night at home watching all the Matrix movies (The Matrix, Animatrix, Matrix Reloaded) before the 3rd came out. And then I made cheesecake for dessert/b-day cake. :) It turned out really yummy! The first one I made in the altitude so I was a little nervous! I turned 36 :(
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
MASTER!!! :)
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?
LOL I think this is a silly questions but also a fun question for the girly girl in me. Well I dress up more since being with Master. The fashion concept is wear what Master likes! LOL :)
34. What kept you sane?
Master. There is just no more chaos in my life and that keeps me so much more sane.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
hmmm I don't think there is really anyone.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
There are several things that really irritated me, but it is hard with me because I get so empathic with things like that - that it overwhelms me.
37. Who did you miss?
My parents and my friends
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Well Master is someone new I met in 2003 sooooo He would be the best new person!
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003:
That being open and honest with yourself - sticking to your beliefs and keeping the dream alive will land you where you want to be!
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
From Feels Like Home by Chantel Kreviazuk
Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life
If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
Wednesday, December 31, 2003
Monday Mission - Next week is the last Monday Mission
1. So, what did you get for Christmas?
Just a few things....from Master: little ceramic drawers- added to the things I listed the other day.
2. Are you returning any gifts you were given for Christmas? No
3. For me, the best part of Christmas being over is that there will be no more Fran Drescher "Old Navy" commercials. Ugh, bring back Morgan Fairchild! What is the best part of Christmas being over? No more worrying about what to get Master....He is a really hard person to buy for....He is one of those that if He *really* wants something He gets it....so to come up with something was kind of hard. Plus we are still getting to know all of our likes and dislikes so I am not sure I have found that "thing" - you know that "thing" that makes you go Oh - fill in name - would love this...when you see certain items. Like I think of Grumbles and girlie when I see Dragons and Jackie when I see frogs, my sister when I see turtles, and I could go on but I am rambling. :)
4. Used to be, we would always get together with friends and have Margaritas on New Year's Eve (though time has passed and friends drift apart, so not anymore, sadly). My Grandma always makes sure to eat Black Eyed Peas on N.Y.E. I know of another couple who "do it" on NYE, and time it to reach their "peak" right at 12:00 AM! Do you have any traditions each year for New Year's Eve? No really set in stone traditions....but when in Cleveland. Kam and I would stay in renting movies and I would make some Chinese food....including crab ragoon. And then mudslides. One year Jim and I had friends over...we did appetizers wine, beer and desserts and then played games. It was a fun New Years. New Years tend to be hard on me.
5. If you could go back into 2003 and change just one thing, or get a "do over," what would you do? hmm I can't think of anything. But I guess that is because 2003 was the year of meeting Master...so it was a good year!
6. Is there anything you want to accomplish in 2004 that seems within reach?become a better slave to Master
7. Is your online personality very different from what it would be like if I were meeting you in "real life?" I am pretty shy when just meeting people. And then open up after getting to know a person. I am how I am here basically.
BONUS: What you gonna do when you get out of jail? I am out :)
Today's Comment Question: Once the Monday Mission is gone, what meme (weekly Question and Answer) will you pick to replace it? I am not sure....I don't play regularly but always enjoyed the questions!
1. So, what did you get for Christmas?
Just a few things....from Master: little ceramic drawers- added to the things I listed the other day.
2. Are you returning any gifts you were given for Christmas? No
3. For me, the best part of Christmas being over is that there will be no more Fran Drescher "Old Navy" commercials. Ugh, bring back Morgan Fairchild! What is the best part of Christmas being over? No more worrying about what to get Master....He is a really hard person to buy for....He is one of those that if He *really* wants something He gets it....so to come up with something was kind of hard. Plus we are still getting to know all of our likes and dislikes so I am not sure I have found that "thing" - you know that "thing" that makes you go Oh - fill in name - would love this...when you see certain items. Like I think of Grumbles and girlie when I see Dragons and Jackie when I see frogs, my sister when I see turtles, and I could go on but I am rambling. :)
4. Used to be, we would always get together with friends and have Margaritas on New Year's Eve (though time has passed and friends drift apart, so not anymore, sadly). My Grandma always makes sure to eat Black Eyed Peas on N.Y.E. I know of another couple who "do it" on NYE, and time it to reach their "peak" right at 12:00 AM! Do you have any traditions each year for New Year's Eve? No really set in stone traditions....but when in Cleveland. Kam and I would stay in renting movies and I would make some Chinese food....including crab ragoon. And then mudslides. One year Jim and I had friends over...we did appetizers wine, beer and desserts and then played games. It was a fun New Years. New Years tend to be hard on me.
5. If you could go back into 2003 and change just one thing, or get a "do over," what would you do? hmm I can't think of anything. But I guess that is because 2003 was the year of meeting Master...so it was a good year!
6. Is there anything you want to accomplish in 2004 that seems within reach?become a better slave to Master
7. Is your online personality very different from what it would be like if I were meeting you in "real life?" I am pretty shy when just meeting people. And then open up after getting to know a person. I am how I am here basically.
BONUS: What you gonna do when you get out of jail? I am out :)
Today's Comment Question: Once the Monday Mission is gone, what meme (weekly Question and Answer) will you pick to replace it? I am not sure....I don't play regularly but always enjoyed the questions!
Tuesday, December 30, 2003
Totally awake tonight....probably hormonal.
Womanly stuff - Ignore if not interested :)
I had my period on the beginning of December which made me so happy thinking I would not get it until beginning of new year. Of course that was too good to be true and so on Dec. 24th it hit me again just lightly, but has been light since then. No cramps really - so that is cool, but I just hope that it was not a false one to try to spoil my Christmas and the real one is still going to hit beginning of January - because then I will have had my period for 14 days instead of 7...fun huh?
Horoscopes....
His....SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22–Dec 21): You have an uncanny ability now to make your immediate environment more pleasant--even if there are unbearable tensions that won’t go away. Somehow, in the midst of all that’s going on, you can be agreeable and easy to get along with, but you’ll need to convert some of your anger into a more playful _expression in order to keep things light. You could slip in and out of a heavier role, but that won’t prevent you from doing your magic and making your surroundings feel more special.
mine....LIBRA (Sep 23–Oct 22): Someone may get on your case today, but don’t let their misunderstanding drag you into an argument that you don’t want to have. If it’s not your battle, then just let it go. And don’t waste too much energy being disappointed in anyone who lets you down now. Instead, focus your attention on love and other higher forms of _expression. Try to convert your energy into inspiration. You’ll be better off today if you can stay in the spiritual or creative end of the universe.
I found it interesting that ours both talked about other _expressions. We were the only 2 on the page that had it exactly like that. :) Also sometimes lately the horoscopes I read seem like they were more for the day I am in instead of the next day. I just read Monday's horoscope and it sounded like Sunday for me so much.
It is 1:25am right now...but yesterday (Monday) Master found out that He might have to be out of town over New Years Eve and New Years. Well shortly after He told me the days, He started to questioning me about something else and I just lost it. It started with me snapping at Him and then I just broke down crying. New Years Eve is an anniversary for me and although I really thought it was not going to be a big deal this year - when He told me He might be gone the thought of being without Him on that night terrified me. So that kind of sounds like it should have been yesterday's horoscope insted of todays
Quiz...
You are Poetry.
You are often the most emotional of the arts. You
are introverted, in that you tend to let people
come to you rather than trying to get their
attention. You get along well with Music and
Literature.
What form of art are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Sleeping...(Tonight being the exception)
I have been sleeping REALLY well for a while now. I have been sleeping through the night now almost every night. I will have 1 to 3 nights of waking up, but even then I am falling asleep a lot faster. Nightmares are not hanging on as long as they usually do. Fear of going to sleep is fading! So the first time in as long as I can remember...I am having nights of sleeping all through the night! :) Yeah Yeah me!
Okay one more thing before trying to get some sleep....I found this quote while surfing on Monday...
"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self." ~ Cyril Connolly
Womanly stuff - Ignore if not interested :)
I had my period on the beginning of December which made me so happy thinking I would not get it until beginning of new year. Of course that was too good to be true and so on Dec. 24th it hit me again just lightly, but has been light since then. No cramps really - so that is cool, but I just hope that it was not a false one to try to spoil my Christmas and the real one is still going to hit beginning of January - because then I will have had my period for 14 days instead of 7...fun huh?
Horoscopes....
His....SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22–Dec 21): You have an uncanny ability now to make your immediate environment more pleasant--even if there are unbearable tensions that won’t go away. Somehow, in the midst of all that’s going on, you can be agreeable and easy to get along with, but you’ll need to convert some of your anger into a more playful _expression in order to keep things light. You could slip in and out of a heavier role, but that won’t prevent you from doing your magic and making your surroundings feel more special.
mine....LIBRA (Sep 23–Oct 22): Someone may get on your case today, but don’t let their misunderstanding drag you into an argument that you don’t want to have. If it’s not your battle, then just let it go. And don’t waste too much energy being disappointed in anyone who lets you down now. Instead, focus your attention on love and other higher forms of _expression. Try to convert your energy into inspiration. You’ll be better off today if you can stay in the spiritual or creative end of the universe.
I found it interesting that ours both talked about other _expressions. We were the only 2 on the page that had it exactly like that. :) Also sometimes lately the horoscopes I read seem like they were more for the day I am in instead of the next day. I just read Monday's horoscope and it sounded like Sunday for me so much.
It is 1:25am right now...but yesterday (Monday) Master found out that He might have to be out of town over New Years Eve and New Years. Well shortly after He told me the days, He started to questioning me about something else and I just lost it. It started with me snapping at Him and then I just broke down crying. New Years Eve is an anniversary for me and although I really thought it was not going to be a big deal this year - when He told me He might be gone the thought of being without Him on that night terrified me. So that kind of sounds like it should have been yesterday's horoscope insted of todays
Quiz...
You are Poetry.
You are often the most emotional of the arts. You
are introverted, in that you tend to let people
come to you rather than trying to get their
attention. You get along well with Music and
Literature.
What form of art are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Sleeping...(Tonight being the exception)
I have been sleeping REALLY well for a while now. I have been sleeping through the night now almost every night. I will have 1 to 3 nights of waking up, but even then I am falling asleep a lot faster. Nightmares are not hanging on as long as they usually do. Fear of going to sleep is fading! So the first time in as long as I can remember...I am having nights of sleeping all through the night! :) Yeah Yeah me!
Okay one more thing before trying to get some sleep....I found this quote while surfing on Monday...
"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self." ~ Cyril Connolly
Saturday, December 27, 2003
I am sitting here trying to find words to describe Christmas. It was special of course because this is our first Christmas together. I remember last year talking to Master on the phone on Christmas and telling Him I knew we would be together for the next Christmas...and we were together. :) It was a cozy, quiet, and special.
You can read some of our morning details at Master's journal.
We gave the kitties presents to them first. They were very excited with the cat nip toys! And all the other stuff. It was fun to watch them. After that Master and I opened our stockings. They were stuffed full and then some spilling out!
We then ate cinnamon rolls while chatting and listening to Christmas music before unwrapping Christmas presents.
I received many wonderful gifts from my family and Master...
I am not going to list them all...
Master gave me The Princess Bride DVD which we watched the evening of the 25th. He also gave me the latest Laurell K. Hamilton book...Cerulean Sins. And something else very special...a little heart tag that says My Girl on it and then my slave number. :)
My parents gave me a crockpot and a breadmachine - 2 things I had asked for but my Mom hates giving gifts like that...because they are not "personal" to her. But I told her I would be making lots of yummy things for Master and I in them so that it was personal. If anyone has some good bread machine recipes please feel free to pass them on!
Along the cooking lines....Master got me a year subscription to cooking light, their holiday magazine and also the annual cookbook. So I hope to be cooking more healthy in the new year!
My sisters gave me a gift that was on a wish list from years and years ago...and now....although I still love them they have different meaning. I am trying to just let it be something I have always wanted and go with it. The gift is the Griffin & Sabine trilogy. They are very cool books if you have never seen them. And I also got a beautiful journal from them. It is one of those I will be scared to write in because I don't want to screw it up. I have done that with really good paper too...when I want to draw...I am much more comfortable drawing on newsprint because I don't worry about ruining a wonderful piece of paper.
After opening presents we just kind of hung out, talked with friends and family, and had Master's family traditional dinner. We watched Miracle on 34th Street the one with Natalie Wood. And then we played Mille Bornes and drank wine, snacking, laughing and having fun. And retreated to the living room to snuggle on the couch and watch The Princess Bride. It is such a good movie.
We had a nice quiet cozy relaxing day. It was very good Christmas!
For me it is still Christmas really....we are in the 12 days of Christmas. :)
Master did not know the 12 days of Christmas were after Christmas not before and so He went to look for info on it and found meaning behind the song the 12 Days of Christmas....I thought was kind of interesting.
You can read some of our morning details at Master's journal.
We gave the kitties presents to them first. They were very excited with the cat nip toys! And all the other stuff. It was fun to watch them. After that Master and I opened our stockings. They were stuffed full and then some spilling out!
We then ate cinnamon rolls while chatting and listening to Christmas music before unwrapping Christmas presents.
I received many wonderful gifts from my family and Master...
I am not going to list them all...
Master gave me The Princess Bride DVD which we watched the evening of the 25th. He also gave me the latest Laurell K. Hamilton book...Cerulean Sins. And something else very special...a little heart tag that says My Girl on it and then my slave number. :)
My parents gave me a crockpot and a breadmachine - 2 things I had asked for but my Mom hates giving gifts like that...because they are not "personal" to her. But I told her I would be making lots of yummy things for Master and I in them so that it was personal. If anyone has some good bread machine recipes please feel free to pass them on!
Along the cooking lines....Master got me a year subscription to cooking light, their holiday magazine and also the annual cookbook. So I hope to be cooking more healthy in the new year!
My sisters gave me a gift that was on a wish list from years and years ago...and now....although I still love them they have different meaning. I am trying to just let it be something I have always wanted and go with it. The gift is the Griffin & Sabine trilogy. They are very cool books if you have never seen them. And I also got a beautiful journal from them. It is one of those I will be scared to write in because I don't want to screw it up. I have done that with really good paper too...when I want to draw...I am much more comfortable drawing on newsprint because I don't worry about ruining a wonderful piece of paper.
After opening presents we just kind of hung out, talked with friends and family, and had Master's family traditional dinner. We watched Miracle on 34th Street the one with Natalie Wood. And then we played Mille Bornes and drank wine, snacking, laughing and having fun. And retreated to the living room to snuggle on the couch and watch The Princess Bride. It is such a good movie.
We had a nice quiet cozy relaxing day. It was very good Christmas!
For me it is still Christmas really....we are in the 12 days of Christmas. :)
Master did not know the 12 days of Christmas were after Christmas not before and so He went to look for info on it and found meaning behind the song the 12 Days of Christmas....I thought was kind of interesting.
Wednesday, December 24, 2003
Without love we could not survive. Human beings are social creatures, and a concern for each other is the very basis of our life together. -His Holiness the Dalai Lama
It is Christmas Eve...
Our first Christmas together!
Today I woke up with a migraine and was worried that was going to spoil things for today, but it didn't. I caught it in time! This morning wench called singing "we wish you a Merry Christmas" - it was very nice. We had a pretty long call. It was good to talk to girlie! During the afternoon just before I started cooking, my family called. I talked to everyone. It made me miss them more.
I thought a lot today about growing up and the Christmas' I had as child. I looked in my archives because I knew I had talked about it before. They were always very magical.
The rest of the afternoon was spent cooking and snuggling with Master. We had a nice candle light dinner. And then we went out driving around looking at all the Christmas lights. It was a very nice Christmas Eve.
I am not even sure I can find words to describe how happy and grateful to be here with Master. I love Him very much and would not want to be anywhere else but with Him.
There is a place inside that just radiates with the warmth of us....together on this path. At times I wish I had met Master sooner, but as we have talked about in the past - it wasn't time. And now is OUR time....and I am just so happy to be where I am....home...home is Master.
And with that...I think of a favorite song that always reminds me of Master....
Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life
If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light
Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
by Chantal Kreviazuk
I hope everyone has Happy Holiday full of peace, love and joy!
It is Christmas Eve...
Our first Christmas together!
Today I woke up with a migraine and was worried that was going to spoil things for today, but it didn't. I caught it in time! This morning wench called singing "we wish you a Merry Christmas" - it was very nice. We had a pretty long call. It was good to talk to girlie! During the afternoon just before I started cooking, my family called. I talked to everyone. It made me miss them more.
I thought a lot today about growing up and the Christmas' I had as child. I looked in my archives because I knew I had talked about it before. They were always very magical.
The rest of the afternoon was spent cooking and snuggling with Master. We had a nice candle light dinner. And then we went out driving around looking at all the Christmas lights. It was a very nice Christmas Eve.
I am not even sure I can find words to describe how happy and grateful to be here with Master. I love Him very much and would not want to be anywhere else but with Him.
There is a place inside that just radiates with the warmth of us....together on this path. At times I wish I had met Master sooner, but as we have talked about in the past - it wasn't time. And now is OUR time....and I am just so happy to be where I am....home...home is Master.
And with that...I think of a favorite song that always reminds me of Master....
Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life
If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light
Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
by Chantal Kreviazuk
I hope everyone has Happy Holiday full of peace, love and joy!
Tuesday, December 23, 2003
slavery test.....There is no slavery test. There is no such thing...well unless your Master makes you jump through hoops in high heels that is a heck of a test for slaves :) Enough said on that.
Secondly...I want to be around like minded people who don't say I am insane for wanting a Master/slave relationship. I want to be around some people that *desire* a Master/slave relationship to discuss topics and issues that arise in M/s relationships. I do find it interesting how those in M/s relationships all seem to understand where I am coming from, but those that aren't don't seem to see that there might be benefits from being in a part of a group that *desire* to be in M/s relationships...so are of like mind.
I mean how did the first BDSM group start....basically because people wanted to be around like minded people, so why is it hard to accept that their might be people who could benefit and want to be in a group that is more specialized. There is groups all over the world for different things...rubber fetishes, gay leather men, gay leathermen in rodeos, uniform clubs, age play groups, women groups, poly groups...so why is a M/s group so terrible?????
Secondly...I want to be around like minded people who don't say I am insane for wanting a Master/slave relationship. I want to be around some people that *desire* a Master/slave relationship to discuss topics and issues that arise in M/s relationships. I do find it interesting how those in M/s relationships all seem to understand where I am coming from, but those that aren't don't seem to see that there might be benefits from being in a part of a group that *desire* to be in M/s relationships...so are of like mind.
I mean how did the first BDSM group start....basically because people wanted to be around like minded people, so why is it hard to accept that their might be people who could benefit and want to be in a group that is more specialized. There is groups all over the world for different things...rubber fetishes, gay leather men, gay leathermen in rodeos, uniform clubs, age play groups, women groups, poly groups...so why is a M/s group so terrible?????
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