I really don't identify with a card at the moment because I have not been doing it enough lately to have them speak to me. Which is a regret of mine as I really enjoy tarot even for meditation...focusing on the cards that are drawn and seeing where it takes me.
I have 4 decks. Three standard kind of Tarot sets (3 based on the Waite Tarot - but I basically just use the one and am looking for another set that I really can identify with). And then Osho Zen Tarot set....which does not go by the Wait Tarot system.) I love that deck a lot....has cards that deal with Mastery of Action, Mastery of Emotions, Mastery of Mind and Mastery of the Physical. It does have a major and minor arcana but again they are not like the Waite Tarot system.
Long before I met Master the 10 of Swords in Moni's Tarot Deck used to come up quite a bit. On her deck it is a face with all sorts of swords coming in through different places. It is actually a card I would like to do my own interpretation of in a drawing. The card artistically is a card I really enjoy. But when a person gets it in a reading well that is not a good thing. And I would get it ALL the time because my life was in such shambles.
But Swords go with all the air signs and I am one...being a Libra. So swords seem to always show up in my readings. Another card I used to get quite a lot and identified with is the justice card...again it is associated with libra's.
I know Moni associated me with the moon card but I bet that has changed. Well maybe. I know why she picked it when she picked it represent me on her website.
Okay so fast forward to when I started talking to Master - The Fool was the card that kept coming up. Now that card does not mean Master was a fool or I was a fool. The Fool actually is a good card to get in a reading. It is also the only card in my Osho Zen card that is similar in meaning to the standard tarot deck. So that card kept coming up over and over and over! And I even pulled it the day I met Master. So for a while I strongly identified with that card.
The Fool on my Osho Zen set means:
"The card indicates that if you trust your intuition right now, your feelings of 'rightness' of things, you cannot go wrong. Your actions may appear 'foolish' to others or even yourself, if you try to analyze them with a rational mind. But the 'zero' place occupied by the Fool is the numberless number where trust and innocence are the guides not skepticism and past experience"
But I have not had the Fool in a while.
So since getting the question - I have done a few just quick 3 card drawings and death has been coming up and also I get a tarot thing in my inbox that was death the topic of the one the other day. On my Osho Zen one I have gotten a variety of cards but I did get the one that has similar meaning to the Death card....it is the transformation card.
Death means changes are coming....death of one thing to bring a new thing. A transformation of sorts.
But then I also am still getting my absolute favorite card that I relate to in my Osho Zen deck...No-Thingness. I also received creativity a few times and today I got consciousness.
Okay so enough babbling on that....to answer the question again...no at this time I really don't identify with a certain card. But there have been cards in my past that I strongly identified with in tarot.
Yes, I am bisexual and if you have been reading this journal for only a short while - no there would not be any talk of it - as I am not involved with a woman currently. And not sure if I will be again as I am owned and that would be up to Master if I am able to have outside relationships. He, I believe, will want to be in the relationship too...so a triad or something of that nature. But He does not believe we are ready to pursue any outside relationships at this time, but is not ruling it out for the future.
I have talked about a few women in this blog that I have been involved with...Morgan and Honey being just 2 of 6 or 8 I have mentioned. Taking from another entry I did on being bisexual and also adding to it....
I have been with some incredible women. A lot just didn't work for various reasons...
One who I have written about did not work because I was owned (this was before Master) and she did not wish to be a part of our household. I was allowed to be with her a few times on my own but it was always full of guilt trips put on both of us. And full of lots of up and downs of emotions. So, then when I wasn't owned and could freely form a relationship with her...she was owned. So we were not allowed to get together again.
Another that I written about - well she was not truly bisexual. She loved me and loved me enough to want to make me happy. And so she was with me because she loved me. She has been with women but she is truly not attracted to them. It is usually for the man in her life that she is with other women.
I was with a couple of women who were rebounds usually rebounding to them after being in relationships with men and so just talked about them briefly.
I also was with another woman who was part of a couple. We were trying out the triad thing. But it was too soon for her at that time and so it did not work. We are still very good friends today.
Then just a couple others that were just sex (which is fun, but sometimes a girl wants more and actually usually with women I want more - men I can just have sex with and walk away but doing that with women is harder for me).
I have also been with a few women I did not want to be with because of being owned and in a poly household. I did it to please the dominant. And actually I was with two women that I did want to be with because of that same D/s relationship.
And last but not least was Morgan, was my first love...and she meshed with me in such a wonderful way it is hard to describe with words. She was tender. She knew when to take control. She was completely open and honest with me. She gave me so much of herself. It was so good...I love her...still.
Have you ever read lyrics and thought that the music must sound one way...and then you hear it and it is totally different but works...works perfectly? That is how it was with us...I think people probably did not understand how it worked. But then saw us together and went wow.
The only problem was that by that time I grew up the views of society were influencing me. And so I pushed because I could not accept that I was in a relationship with a woman.
I talk about some of the women mentioned on my who's who page.
I have not been in a relationship with a woman for a very long time...several years ago....almost 3 I believe. I had several offers that I had to turn down because of the place I was in at those times mentally and emotionally. And again I am not sure when/if I will be again as that will be up to Master.
