Thank you for everyone in allowing me to do my rant about Valentine's....I had just had read one too many anti-Valentine's/anti-romance post.Today can be summed with 3 words: Tired Tired Tired. We have had a really long although fast week. Yep both. Lots going on that was very involved. I have been washing and folding clothes today so I can get us packed tonight. We leave tomorrow afternoon.
Although I am looking forward to seeing my sisters...my time with my family is always very rushed and I feel like I don't get to really enjoy time with them. And with all we have going on this weekend I believe it will be the same.
Okay on to another subject...PMS and the life of a slave....which we did an essay about several years ago but it seems like it is something that is a constant lesson or area to work on.
I am pmsing bad this month...add in lack of sleep, and just a lot on our plate...and well...I am losing my calmness...losing my attitude. I have snapped at Master more times than I would like to admit. Last night before bed...all I wanted to do was to climb into bed and go to sleep, but first I had the list of things that I felt should be done before bed...garbage needed to be taken out to the cans, coffee pot needed to be washed, dishwasher started, clothes to put in the dryer...and so on...really I could count about 10 things that could have been done but about 6 got done. It overwhelmed me and made me feel more exhausted. I hate when I go into the mindset of "why couldn't he....wash his coffee pot out....he is the one that drinks coffee." I hate that I do that because really he had just come off putting a hard video together in about 48 hours and hadn't much sleep so why would I want to burden him more. I don't. We both are tired. We both just running around crazy. So why does my thought of why can't he do this...come up...? Is it ego? Is it just exhaustion so I don't see it as it is but as it feels in the moment? Is it just psm? Even if it is exhaustion or pms...doesn't mean it is a good practice to excuse it on those. I just wish I knew a way to reign it in.
I usually can see what is going on but I just am not sure how to bring myself back to center. It is like the emotions just fill me up and I can't feel or see anything but whatever is going on in that moment. I know I have pms. I recognize it right away. But just recognizing doesn't mean it goes away magically or makes it easier to control. It does help me be more aware of it. But doesn't "fix" the things I feel because of it. Some months it seems easy. And other months it seems like my skin..my emotions...everything vibrates on a much more sensitive level and so things that normally are perfectly wonderful aren't suddenly. I really hate it is
just pms
....that it is the reason for it. Because although I don't think PMS means free reign I do know it still causes valid real symptoms that can be hard to keep a normal routine normal and my mindset even.
I don't think that 'just pms' is an excuse, or that you are really the type of person to use it as one. It would be the same with anything that messes with your emotions, your physical ability to do things, etc. Like when you have a particularly bad migrane and can't do the things you should. Your Master accepts and understands that, and at the same time you do your best to try not to let everything slide. Cut yourself some slack, you have alot on your plate right now and sometimes it's just hard, and thats ok to. Would you get as much from being His if it was always easy?
ReplyDeleteIf you find that magic pill that makes one no longer wonder why he cannot wash out his own pot *grins* please share. Sometimes the beast attacks me too and I feel the exact same things. So if it helps any, I understand. I understand it doesn't mean that PMS is an excuse, but finding a balance between what our own bodies do to us agaisnt our will and what our minds do, isn't always easy. I wish I knew what would make it easier.
ReplyDeletemagdala~
I loved the graphic for this post and I could so identify with the feelings of the emotions billowing out of control and taking you with them...
ReplyDeletemaya, thank you for your comment! You are right I wouldn't get as much out of it - if it was always easy! :)
ReplyDeletemagdala, Thank you for your comment! LOL on the coffee pot...I am glad I am not alone in those thoughts. :)
greenwoman, I have another icon that is similar that says hello my name is missgrumpypants and I debated between the 2 when doing this post. Thank you for your comment!