March Questions: Left it all Behind....

Have you left it all behind the lifestyle...bdsm, being a slave? why? how long? what brought you back? did it seem different coming back after stepping away?

Okay well a little history...I was with Don at 18. I didn't know there was a name for what we were doing. It ended with him and shortly after I started dating my ex-husband. I wasn't in a "formalized" D/s dynamic but my submissive personality and my desire to serve are evident throughout our marriage. We also had some pretty yummy kinky sex. It was during my marriage I found out there was a world of BDSM out there.

I became actively involved in the BDSM lifestyle after my marriage. So when I left my first significant M/s relationship after my marriage (clear as mud?), I don't think I consciously left BDSM...the lifestyle but I do feel I put myself at arms length from at times. I threw myself into my work and business. I was burnt out, worn out...just tired not sure what I wanted and who I was...I thought maybe I wasn't the person I thought I was...I didn't want to say the word slave.

When I got involved in D/s actively again, it really was too soon. I should have stayed away of course easy to say that looking back now. And I did the arms length thing again...I knew my desires but didn't act on them outwardly. I read back in my blogger of that time in my life and I was in a really horrible place. And it was a good friend that got me through it. She basically constantly kept me in check.

After I closed my business I think did come back in a more positive way. Because my masochistic desires really were what wanted me to come back sooner. I wanted pain. I wanted to feel pain not only because I craved it but I am sure that it was to release some of the ugliness going on inside of me. And really that did happen in scenes with friends...tears, release...allowing me to figure some things out. Helped me see where I had been and what I wanted to focus on in the future...what I wanted in a relationship.

And luckily I found that with Master.


**Feel free to ask anything you might want to know and I will answer. I am screening the questions AND allowing anonymous comments.