Southeast Leather Fest is doing podcasts of all their presenters. I think it is great idea! I have only listened to two of them. The one with Heather S. and Frankie M. I have been on elists for years with Heather and always appreciated her thoughts and perspective. So it was nice to listen to that podcast and put a voice to the words I have read over the years.The other podcast I listened to was Mistress Victoria and Vi Johnson. I have never had a chance to hear either in person but Vi Johnson is someone I have wanted to hear speak in person. I have many friends who have heard her speak and always always tell me I need to hear her speak. I received her book To Love, Honor and Obey from Moni and Michael for my birthday many years. At that time in my life I was very bitter and held lots of resentments from my previous relationship. Her book was hard to read not only because it is a diary and not edited so the writing is erratic and hard to follow at times but I also felt it was hard to reads because I was so upset from my last relationship. So the book was troubling but it was inspiring too. It really was pulled my emotions and thoughts all over. It is actually a book that I think I should try to read again - in this relationship and see how I respond to it.
Hearing this podcast re-enforced I would like to attend one of listen to her speak. But I do have to say that I was surprised because from what I remember reading of the book - her views and service today seem to be very different from the views and service portrayed in the book. They are talking a lot about appreciation of service. And from her book I don't feel she wasn't given appreciation of service at all but I guess appreciation can come in different forms for each person.
The class that Mistress Victoria and Vi Johnson are giving at Southeast Leather Fest is Giving and Receiving Service. One of the points that they feel is important to a service relationship is that "both parties need to be active participants in a service relationship." Mistress Victoria talked about if she doesn't respond to Vi's service - to let her know she is doing it right, shape it, give feedback on if the service is needed or wanted or if she is pleased and gratified by the service that it might over time discourage and confuse Vi to the point of de-motivation in doing service and thus the relationship is really failed then and not a service relationship. They feel it is important for slaves to learn service but for also Masters/Mistress to learn what to do with the service once it is received.
I think really that is what failed in one of my past relationships. I didn't know if I was doing anything he wanted or needed...if it pleased or gratified him at all. I would do and keep doing thinking this will be enough to please. I kept pushing myself harder because I didn't get feedback to know what I was doing pleased him so I internally decided I must not being doing enough or good enough so just keep working harder and harder to the point I was burnt out, discouraged, and de-motivated to do ANY service. Eventually I asked for release.
Further into the podcast one of Vi's comments was that most slaves are dominant. And I don't think most slaves are dominant. I think there are slaves that are have dominant personalities and several are coming to mind. And actually they are usually the slaves I admire and wish to serve more like they do. I think most slaves have a strength that surprises people in and outside the lifestyle. That strength I don't think necessarily always comes from the dominant qualities in my personality though. I can take command of certain situations, I can make sound rational decisions and I have many useful skills to get a job done but none of those things say dominant to me. They just parts of my personality.
Vi also said that she doesn't bend to her Owner...she obeys. And what I took from that part of the podcast is that slaves obey and submissives bend. That slaves are proactive and submissive reactive. She was saying submissive bend to the control of another and slaves obey and don't bend their will. For ME, I feel, I bend to Master. But I want to bend. My will desires to bend because my will is to serve so at times that I need to bend.
Anyway I want to listen to the rest of the podcasts eventually. I am sure I will find them as interesting as the first 2 I listened too.
danae, when you write this:
ReplyDelete"I don't think most slaves are dominant. I think there are slaves that are have dominant personalities...most slaves have a strength that surprises people"
it makes me wonder if the quality that you are thinking about isn't something foundational (or intrinsic) that is very intense and so appears "dominant?"
I know that I have an intensity that allows me to drive my classroom dynamic but and that can provide fire within our M/s dynamic, but it is not at all comparable to what He brings to the table which is truly Dominant. I do not have the move to entirely control another person at a deep level, and I do have the essential responses that take me to service and obedience within the appropriate context. The fact that there is fire, strength and great energy behind all of that does not change the inherent nature of it at all.
swan
Thank you swan....you are so right...I was nodding all the way through your comment.
ReplyDeletedanae - first off, thank you for the kind comments in my journal about Thunder. You know my girl (and I) from LJ, and you had mentioned the same to her - she did pass that on to me.
ReplyDeleteVi Johnson is a spiritual force to meet and listen to. She is a wonderful woman full of complex experiences and opinions on them.
That's a very good point, about the give and take of service and that is one place where Owners fail - to understand that they have to work at owning as the owned have to work at being property. A table may still be a table (nod to swan above with that analogy) but it's a human with complex interactions and a need for approval and guidance.
I have to respectfully disagree with you - I've found that most slaves are dominant individuals.(I'm probably offending half to three quarters of the tee-hee population, but so be it) Being dominant indicates a strength and ability to lead, to take charge, to aggressively lead a life of service (in any form) to another.
That's the key though. I'm not speaking of bedroom-only 'slaves' or the popular 'feel-good' definitions that the 'tee-hee' BDSM crowd has for 'slave' vs. 'submissive' vs. whatever else. I'm speaking of a honest-to-goodness person who gives of themselves in service to another. Daily. Constantly. Without reservation, hesitation or expectation.
Vi is correct in one aspect - there's a difference in 'bending' and bending. What I've found, in listening and reading and speaking to Vi, is that a slave, through service, has *found* herself. She is living what she wants to be. When she 'obeys', she's fulfilling a calling. Bending, in that context, implies that one is being something they are not, in response to the power of another (thinking of the reed here *chuckle*). Vi IS slave, therefore she doesn't bend. She is.
Visions of my girl are alongside her in that regards. And let me tell you something - there is nothing more powerful, more awe-inspiring, more 'dominant' than a person who is living who they are and being what they are.
My kindest regards to you and your Master.
EO