Thursday, March 06, 2008

March Q & A: Views that have changed

What topic(s) have you posted about a long while ago that you now have a different perspective/opinion on?

Nothing is coming to mind. I even did a little walk down memory lane looking through some old blog entries from 2000 and 2001. I think that over all I haven't changed my general views of D/s very much since around 2000. Of course that doesn't mean I haven't changed. I have changed. I have discovered things or come to some current views while hashing things out since starting my blog. I have found new realizations about myself and this path I am on. Such as the reality of being a slave. And see now that I spent too much time worrying if I was submissive. But over all my views haven't changed much - I don't think. Okay I am sure there is something I have changed on but at the moment nothing is coming to mind. As I said I think most of the views that have changed have been personal views of myself. Not over all views of D/s and the like - since starting my blog.

I do read some of my essays from early days and I don't like everything I said but it isn't that I necessarily disagree I just think it comes off worded in ways that don't capture my true meaning. When I did the last redesign of the website, I left off all my erotica because that when I read it - I see old views in that just make me cringe. But again most of those were written before I started my blog.

So before my blog quite a few of my views changed, in 1995 or 1996 (can't remember for sure) I was on AOL bulletin boards looking for some info on anal sex. I was trying to convince my husband we should try it again. We had and it didn't go very well. So I wanted to find info on maybe making it go a little bit easier. And I stumbled on to a D/s BB and was reading things that said wow this me. My first introductions to this thing I had been doing but hadn't put names to was on AOL (which I cringe when I think about it now.)

Because back then I believed that submission was a gift, back then I never thought I could submit to a woman, back then I got all caught up in the kinky things and thought D/s was about following rules, kneeling pretty next to your Dominants feet and kinky fun (and that was about it), I believed slaves were doormats, I believed in SSC and had real lines that I thought no one should cross, I believed in the hearts and flowers D/s that some website seemed to give off and I just got caught up in group thinks. I was silly...just very very very silly.

I then joined an elist ran by Carter Steven's (the name of the group is escaping me at this time) and I was still on that edge of the submission is a gift and hearts and flowers D/s stuff. And it was there I started to see all these other views - there was such a huge variety of thoughts. And it made me really think about what *I* actually believed. Challenged me to really discover for myself what being submissive meant, what surrender and D/s meant to me. I had been so enthralled with notion of D/s that I got caught up in the first things/groups I read instead of really looking at it to see what I felt and believed. After that group kind of disbanded - I found Internal Enslavement and also a group on onelist (now yahoogroups) that was ran by J. Mikael Togneri and then I felt like I found places that really spoke to me. Again both challenged me to discover what I believed but they put some things in terms I hadn't been able to verbalize. Through those groups -- I met some AMAZING people. Some that are very close trusted friends now. But it also when my views really started to changed and formulate into place.

So over all through the years yes of course my views have changed. My personal realizations of myself have though changed a lot too.

Please remember you can still ask questions here! Or over on my LJ.

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