Tuesday, March 25, 2008

March Q & A: when does it hit

Every once in awhile, something just really hits hard about belonging to someone else. Often it is the craziest things that have nothing to do with submitting. What are some of those moments that have just gotten to you and make you realize just who you are?

I think the most of the time moments that remind me who I am....in unpleasant ways is when I have my period. I get irritated quicker about having to ask to use the bathroom. I get irritated faster when he is caught in what he is doing so he doesn't give me permission to eat. But when I don't have my period most of the time it is just so much a part of who I am that it goes past without notice. It is just during my period I lose my patience and inner zen/calm. Everything seems bigger. And of course he isn't doing anything different then he does the rest of the month -- it just me getting all out of whack with my hormones that is processing and seeing things different then they actually are in reality.

During everyday normal daily existence I get smacked with who I am by just little things every once in a while. Such as Master dropped me off at strip mall while he went to a meeting on Saturday. I hadn't asked him before hand if I could buy anything as I really didn't think I would be wanting anything. I was just killing time while he was in his meeting. But of course I found some notecards I knew he would like and then a pack for a friend. So I struggled with if he would be okay with me buying them. (BTW I don't have a cell as most of the time I am with Master when we go out so I don't need one.) I figured since the total purchase would be under $10 he wouldn't mind and bought it. But in the store I really struggled back and forth with it because I am owned and everything I do I ask permission so it just was throwing my brain into a tizzy. It probably took 10 to 15 minutes of me talking to myself if it would be okay and that just really brought home who I am.

Other times it comes usually is when buying things too. Like a few weeks ago I was just craving jelly beans and unowned of course I would have just went out and bought them. But I can't do that. I have to ask permission, he will say yes or no and then if he says yes he will bring me to go get them. So there are moments similar that happens where I am very aware I am owned.

Please remember you can still ask questions here! Or over on my LJ.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...