Saturday, March 01, 2008

Losing Freedoms

I think there is a lot wonderfully written things out there on elists and forums but I do get sick of the perfectly sweet answers some people give. I read a post from a slave inquiring if there were any slaves that got upset or angry over living as slave....if they were wanting freedom to do what they wanted and just rebel against being a slave. And about the first 10 answers were...."no I love being a slave and love the freedom slavery gives me." It annoyed me because if you never struggle against the loss of freedoms then I am going to say you haven't had much taken away from you or you are new to your relationship. At least that would be my guess. And nothing wrong that with that. I just wish people would not try to make others feel stupid for feeling something different.

So on to the actual question...if I get angry at losing freedoms. I am a slave but that doesn't mean it is easy peasie as apple pie. I some days just wish I could have some of the freedoms I had when I wasn't owned. Some days I wish I could do things I used too...go out and go shopping when I want to by myself, join a book club without asking, go out for a coffee or tea with a friend without asking, just go to the bathroom without asking for pete sake. Or how about the things I don't get now because Master just doesn't like them. Such as seafood. I love seafood one of my favorite foods. But now I get it just maybe once or twice a year because he doesn't like it. And some days I just really crave it. But I can't have it until Master allows it. I can't wear lace because he doesn't like it but I have some beautiful lingerie with lace. Because I get annoyed and sad about the loss of these things doesn't say I am not a slave. And it doesn't say I don't want to be a slave. It says I am normal. I am going through normal processes of losing freedoms.

I remember when I was first here and the newness and honeymoon period started to fade and reality set in. And I started to grieve those losses. I started to grieve my loss of freedom. Yes, I agree with the perfect answer that there is freedom in my slavery but we do give up a lot of things too. Is the reward bigger as a slave....damn straight it is but that doesn't change that I miss some things I don't have now. And I think it is a normal feeling to experience a sense of loss and get upset about it.

It is just what we do with those feelings. I don't stomp around and get mad at Master. I acknowledge the feelings. I feel them and not stuff them away or pretend they aren't there. But then I try to move past them and maybe replace them with other things that make me happy. I also really look at my life and see why I enjoy being his slave so much.


  1. I enjoy my slavery and I hate it at the same time. I don't know any slaves personally who don't live with some sort of dichotomy. The popular answers are so common because the BDSM community can be so rigid in matters of "either/or" or "what makes a slave". I have been honest with my Master always about how I feel even on the days when I hate his desires for me.

    There's nothing wrong with being human and there's no such thing as a perfect slave.

  2. Oh thank goodness you came out with that! I'm not a slave, & I could never understand how slaves put their own needs & wants aside instantly. I understand it's a process, but I've read so many writings of bliss in serving their Master with no regard for themselves that I've become cynical & wondered what antidepressant they may take so I can try it too.It's nice to hear that you're a human who's trying to work through your need to please your Master and reconcile your own desires to merge with his.But thanks for being so honest here. You're one of my favorites.

  3. As both before me have said, Thank you. I am not a 24/7 slave, but am new to the comunity and i tend to feel so guilty when i get upset over something i am now not aloud to do because my Master said i cannot. At least now i know it is normal and i don't have to try and hide all of these feelings. Thank you for your help in my journey, i love your writings.


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