danae

I have not really written anything for days. I have felt the urge but it is hard to write about the things I am thinking about. I am not sure where to begin. Or what I should say and what I should not. I am not feeling stressed but I do have some things going on in my life that aren’t great. I still feel very distant from Monseigneur E and Linda. I feel we have lots to talk about and have expressed that. I have not talked to Nick much…and there are a few reasons for that one being we just are not online at the same times and I am trying to save money by not calling so much. And then there was another reason this week too which he and I already talked about.

I had a discussion with Monseigneur E that….was hard for me as I was just thinking….not putting emotion into it. I was logical and rational. The only problem came when I was flooded with emotions afterwards. I was not happy about that because obviously in doing what I did I can’t do that with him in person. I mean I can’t turn them off and then 15 minutes after our conversation excuse myself to go let them out again. I need to learn how to put them in the back but not turn them off so much.

I have been looking at my life and looking at how I handle things. And last month being an exception to the rule. I usually handle things with thinking and emotion. I just believe I do it differently then how Monseigneur E and Linda do and so they are not recognizing it.....maybe.

I just know it is getting very frustrating for me and I am almost positive for them also....that we think differently. I say a definition is one way and then they look at it totally different. When I go to the dictionary on the word though…how I look at it…is there. And so is theirs also. Just we are different. So does that mean we are incompatible? I don’t know.

Part of me keeps thinking if….we can just get be in person maybe these…differences won’t be as great. That it is the online communication that is keeping us far…apart.

I just looked up as I finished….that last paragraph and saw my runes…and decided to pull one.

It was Gebo ~ Partnership/A Gift. One line though stood out as I read it….”For true partnership is achieved only be separate and whole beings who retain their separateness even as they unite.” Which I believe. A person needs to be a whole person before….they can even enter a healthy partnership. But to me for some reason when I read that…I read also partnerships are going to have differences because they are separate people.

On to next topic…this week has been kind of interesting as I have had lots of people contact me that I have not talked to in a while. I showed Aydeen a picture of one of them and she was wondering why I have not said yes I will visit! He is absolutely gorgeous. Okay I know I am being shallow…it is a rare occasion for me : ) And yes I know it is him as I have seen him on his cam many times. He is Dominant of course. He and I have been friends for almost a year. I never pursued thing with him because 2 reasons….Nick and this man lives in Italy. So distance is a little problem lol

Other people have contacted me also that….I had not hear from in a while. It was nice to talk to old friends. SM is one person I talked to also this week. I miss chatting with him. I told him about something else that happened this week and he said he wished he had friends like mine. I have been talking to Michael quite a bit lately too. : )

We had a girl’s night out last night. We went to the winery again. It is so nice there. Peaceful.

I want to write more…I actually have lots of feelings I could vent about. But none of them seem to be something I should do here right now. And I have my reasons : ( I know not good that I am censoring. But I don’t want what I am feeling to be taken wrong or hurt anyone’s feelings.