danae

This weekend was busy.

Friday I left here at 7:30am and did not come back until Saturday 11am. Friday night Bill got a call from a drunk me…saying I was staying at Moni and Michael’s : ) I was feeling very good at the time I called him.

Then Saturday night I participated in a formal dinner here….where the submissives served the Dominants in formal mode.

Not sure how to say it went….I have very mixed feelings on it. It was, as one Dominant said, a training/learning exercise for all of us.

I talked more then I should have….out of all 3 girls I know I talked the most. I also think that is more a learning thing. Once doing this more then once we would know where...and what to do better. But things did come up that we did not talk about or know....then we had to whisper (when they were out of the room) to get things done.

There was not enough time taken to discuss protocol and rules. We needed to have more guidelines and discussion on what was to be done and how.

I had typed up some "guidelines" but not "rules" that I thought us girls could follow. I was basically in charge of telling everyone what to do…and how to do it. I sent them to everyone and asked their opinions. Because I used them as "guidelines" as there were things listed that countered each other....so I knew we would do it one way or not the other but that I liked both ways...felt both were appropriate but did not know what way we would do yet. So the girls did things that I told them to do as I thought they were right or appropriate so to me it was not their fault on those type of things….it was mine because *I* told them to do things like that. So, I pointed out that I taught them those things because it was in the guidelines of what I sent them.

Something else I taught them was to ask if the Dominant needed something else. When we should have wait to be spoke too….and let the Dominants tell us when they wanted something. And again I taught the other girls to do that. So that was my fault.

I was sorry that things I did that caused the girls to get criticized for them. But all in all it was a good learning experience for everyone.

One thing that….the one thing that I am not wanting to write about but need to….

I did not enjoy last night. But I wanted to others to enjoy themselves. It was a learning experience for me though.

I did not look forward to it or get excited about last night. I wasn’t nervous. The reason being….basically that was because I was not “owned.” It would be different serving my owner. Not that I don’t care for the Dominants that were present - I do very much. They are good friends and I am very happy to serve them. But it does not feel the same when you serve your Owner.

Then I heard Monseigneur E in my head saying “You are doing this in service to me.” And really…unfortunately…that did not make it any better. I just still felt like it was something I was doing for my friends first but not him or myself. I would do it again for them in a heartbeat though. And I did learn things.

Everyone has been asking how things are going with Monseigneur E and Linda. We all need to talk. I have not talked to Monseigneur E since Tuesday. But chatted with Linda on Thursday I believe.

Oh something else happened last night that was a combination of things…

The whole evening I realized I really did not “ask” permission for any of the evening. I told Monseigneur E about it and things that were planned except one thing…which I will get to in a moment. But I know that when I talked to Monseigneur E about it he could have said something…that he did not want me to participate in it or do some things.

There was one more thing that was planned that I did not get a chance to ask Monseigneur E permission for and I started to do it and then realized I had not. And it was more to me then just serving dinner, so that really got to me and it just felt “wrong” to me. It, I thought, was something I needed to ask about. So I stopped for the main reason of I had not asked permission.

Also going from serving to having to top was just not a good smooth transition for me even though I did not feel submissive last night. Then something else…I do not top in front of others. Just one of my little things. I don’t like topping so if I do top I like to top in private.

But over all the evening was a good experience. And I hope everyone had fun : )