danae

Just a quickie…

I am staying with Moni and Michael right now. Lisa has family in and so I just wanted to get out of there way. It will be easier to be here also since Carpe Diem is tonight. So now I don’t have so far to drive.

I crawled into bed with Moni this morning…and woke her up with my nightmare. I hate when I do that…I feel bad for waking the people that I sleep with up. Maybe that is one reason I push hard to sleep alone. Even though I remember when I slept with Todd…I loved that feeling. And I missed it when we were away from each other at night.

I am starting to get anxiety over my birthday coming up. I am looking at my life and where it is and doing one of those things…like what have I accomplished…what do I have to show for my life. That type of thing. I am getting depressed about it. I know exactly what I want. I have probably known since I was 18 but admitting it just took a little while lol

I know this will not make sense but I have been alone….all my life. I know everyone sees me as being in relationships. But I really was not in a way also. I never gave into the relationships like I should have. I never trusted and opened up…to be in the relationship. Todd was the first person I really started doing that with. I did not open up with Morgan….I did not need to though…she knew it. She knew me…just like I knew her just by looking at her. It was so incredible….looking into her soul…the light the warmth…the love. I miss that.

Last night we went and saw Sweet Home Alabama. It was a good movie. Definitely a date movie. And that made me miss going on a date. I miss the talking over dinner….talking those talks that you talk about the world and look into the eyes of recognition staring back at you…knowing they understand and accept. And then laughing and just having fun. Kissing…holding hands. Silly thing to miss huh?