danae

Surrender

I was reading a message board and there was a post where someone said that surrender is submission perfect and so that surrender can never be achieved because no one can be perfect.

I disagree...

Here is something I had written for another list when we were discussing submission and surrender....

I find that submission and surrender are very closely related in definition in vanilla terms -- refer to dictionary.com for the full-blown similarities. In the lifestyle, I have found that we tend to separate out the differences: surrender implies something deeper than submission. I believe there is the general perception that surrender suggests a total - complete giving up of control.

I believe that again everyone has different definitions of submissive and slave. I think I was a slave before I started surrendering. But I should ask Master His view on that. As with everything in this lifestyle - to define the words of lifestyle seem to come down to a personalized view of thoughts and feeling put to words.

Surrender to me means: It is a level of acceptance and letting go of power and control. It is becoming empty to have more to give my Master. By emptying out the clutter filled in the top of my head, I am letting go. The awareness that the need for surrender is more deeply rooted in my core than the concept of individuality and identity. But surrender is not losing anything - with surrender I am gaining. I feel how much more happy and at peace. I used to think it was accepting - that when a person came to acceptance that then they surrendered. But it is really not about acceptance of what is happening. It is more a mental state of letting go of all the clutter and being aware of self - so that I can give freely without constraints. There is an awareness that comes in the calm - which basically says this is your home - this is your natural self. And a knowing everything is right now. I just give without even thinking. The muscles almost react before any negative thoughts could come in. Each day I feel my surrender to my Master grow. He probably could have "taken" many things from the start, but He preferred I give Him that control first. He wants me to be very mindful of what I am doing.

The transition is something that I believe "just happens." For some, the transition is very difficult and for others, the transition is seamless and pretty easy. For me it has happened easier then I thought it would happen. I am sure that the transition is different from one person to the next - just as we have so many levels and definitions which define who we are, I am sure where we reside in the broad spectrum of the lifestyle also is very different for each person.

Therefore "knowing" when the transition has happened I think is going to be really difficult to describe and develop a consensus or acceptable poll result.

I know that one of the key elements involved in my growth towards surrender was trust. I first trusted my instincts and next I had to trust Him. I had to also trust He would not do the same as the people in my past. That meant trusting He knew what He was doing and would not hurt me.

Another element is being open. Communicate - past, insecurities, strengths, thoughts and feelings. To me surrender is not possible unless everything is out on the table. To trust us in the now and what would come in the future.

The bottom line is that each person's journey has to be their own and if they are destined to surrender, then they will. I don't think it can be done without guidance, a building of a foundation of trust, honesty and mutual respect. Then something will happen, someday that brings them to that point - if at all. This is all based on the assumption that every submissive has the desire to surrender someday. One shouldn't surrender if they are kicking and screaming. Nor should one surrender if they really don't want to.

As Master says it is a Journey…we all get there differently.