5 Years of Blogging

Yes...yes it is 5 years of blogging. It seems longer actually to me. I was reading random entries from the last 5 years. It was kind of odd...so much has happened in 5 years. I was looking through the entries making a list of things that happened that I wanted to point out or recall again. But there is so much. It has been a roller coaster ride. I am not sure how many people reading this have actually been around reading the full 5 years I have been blogging.

I started the blog as a positive step forward in allowing myself to be me. So that I could be real to myself. My thought was putting it all out there meant that I had to be true myself or otherwise anyone reading would know I wasn't. It also was to help me clarify my journey and to just keep track or recount my life's daily events. I was kind of floundering the summer before starting the blog. And was just starting to get a direction and able to just stand when I started the journal. It was still a tough time of it. But I was slowly making positive steps in making my life better. I was really getting solid in my work/business. I was enjoying it. In December 2000, things came to a head personally - and I made a line that I would not cross again. And it felt good and empowering.

And from there it just kept growing...sometimes being very superficial, other times expressing what moved me and yet other times exposing myself -- being raw and vulnerable. I have a lot of chaos to get to this point in my life...to have the serene peacefulness.

Over the years there has been many relationships in my life some for long term others for short terms. (I can see DM nodding her head in agreement wtih this one.) I have had adventures and excitement. I created a business and had it flourish. I have had painful break ups. I have had love and betrayal. I have joy and pain. But I also have had wonderful wonderful friends that I know I will count as friends always. I have the kind of friends that are there for you in the really hard times. And I grateful for all they have done for me through our friendship.

In that 5 years of blogging, Master found me. He actually read my blog for many months before contacting me....what a BRAVE BRAVE soul He was for contacting this girl who seemed to be on a constant roller coaster ride.

So, I look back to these 5 years and see a multitude of memories...

* Business...that I enjoyed and learned so much about myself. Gained so much self-confidence and self-love. And then the eventual closing of it also which left me a little lost and confused.
* Relationships....poly, single, trying, Daddy/little girl, vanilla, play partners, love, betrayal, softness, roughness, D/s, M/s and all the others that fall in that mix...all growing experiences
* Going to Germany...being there for Honey...it was a big impact on my life in how it changed relationships and my business
* sickness
* visiting friends...Guardian and nuala, jackie and others
* good holidays with family and friends and also difficult ones
* friends helping me out in difficult times....especially Bill and Lisa, Moni and her husband Michael - Thank you all for being such good friends!
* Meeting Master...and the memories with Him are countless as there are new ones everyday. And with Him I am now in a place I am very grateful to be...His property, His slave...His.

I am sure I a missing many...as 5 years creates quite a few of them.

So while I read the archives this year- it was much different then last year. Last year I had the whole range of emotions and this year I read them and basically said, "yup that is my life." And there was no sadness, tears, anger or cringing...there was just...acceptance of my life. It is all me...the real me...there in the words of my blog...the good the bad and the ugly. I started blogging to help me figure it out...who I am and it has helped. It has helped me remain true to myself and be real. I will keep on being real with myself and keep plugging forward in the continual learning and growing not only through this blog but through life. I am very glad I started it and I hope to be blogging for many many more years.

I want to thank everyone that reads my blog...sends me emails, comments and such. You are all wonderful! You also help me in my journey....Thank you!

And I am going to end with
The Velveteen Rabbit as I did last year too:
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you..."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful.

"When you are Real, you don't mind being hurt...It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."