Solitude in my Slavery

Written Wednesday night when I was feeling like I was not "good enough" - that there must be something wrong with me -- because I am not like others out there.

Also a disclaimer this is written for me....it is not written because I think my way is the only way. I am just explainig how it is for me.

I was reading blogs early and so many of them are getting this really strict control, punishments, micromanagement and so on -- the thing is while a few years ago I would have loved all of that...thought I wanted that all the time....now I just don't feel it....the need for it.

I do what I need to...I serve and obey Master...He has the power and control. I don't crave anything...more. I will at times fantasize about something "more" and then when it comes down to it...if it were to really happen I think I would be totally thrown off balance and also upset by it creating chaos in my peaceful life. I would of course do it silently - obeying but I would internally be hating it. Could I come to like it? Maybe. But I like what I have now.

I have come to be very comfortable in my role as Master's slave. Am I too comfortable....?? Or have I finally found the peace I was always looking for....because really I do feel the most serene I ever have felt....

I have found that over the years slavery for me....has very solititude feeling and it is about serving Him in a very quiet way. It is not about the SM, the roller coaster ride of emotions, the attention or the submission. It is about just serving and obeying...very black and white for me now days.

And I feel very alone in this...as I read the blogs out there.