danae

Friends....

I am very lucky to have the friends I do.

I have always had lots of friends. I am a social person and like doing things with friends but more importantly I like friends to be able to a "friend" to. To have people in my life that I care for and they care for me. To know that they can call me and I will be there for them and they will be here for me. In Ohio I have a group of friends that are the best friends I could ever have asked for. They are the type of friends you can call at 3am in the morning and say I need you and they would be there.

I remember when I first told Todd that he said want to test that theory. I do not think he believed I had friends like that because he did not. I have friends across the country that would be here for me if I need them. Friends in different countries *smiles thinking of her beautiful honey*

I am glad Honey was here this week.

All things for a reason lol

Okay off topic because of course my mind is floating all over....

Last night Todd kept asking me why I canceled my appointment I had set up for 6pm. And I am sitting here today shaking my head why the hell would he not think I would have. I knew on Wednesday night when I got in my car that he wanted to just be friends. And I want more. Todd needs friends. So I guess I will be his friend if he wants me to be.

I told him once I had lots of friends I did not need more and he said, "must be nice." That is all he said even though he will disagree with that but those that know me know when I focus I remember EVERYTHING. It drives Kam nuts lol I have not always focused on Todd and our conversations so I don't remember all of them but I do that one because it was an important one and I was focusing.

So why would I want to be in an appointment when I knew he was "breaking up" with me so to speak. I mean it was pretty hard just to do all the things I needed to yesterday because I knew what was going to happen. I told Honey to tell him he and should talk in private and she did. And yet he picked a public place. And then I wanted Honey there when he told me. I had reasons for that one. And he said he wanted to be alone. I know why he wanted to be alone.

Oh right now I am sure he would say you are making lots of assumptions. :)

I am.

He told me the other night I always have to be right. I don't but I am. It is just a fact. I am right more times then I am wrong. I roll things around in my head and find the possible reasons and then something shows me the real reason. Sometimes I do not listen to it though that is a downfall. I have a hard time trusting myself fully.

Okay now to trust....

Trust

I do not fully trust myself. I gave Todd a lot more then I gave anyone else and I know he does not see that. But he did not give me any trust back so he only allowed that trust to go so far by limiting it. He limited the trust level. I was willing to give him all my trust.

Broken submissives...

Boy this one will be an article at some point :)

I used to be broken submissive.

I am not anymore. Yes, I have lots of things I need to work on but no one needs to "fix" me. I am who I am. Now I want someone who loves me despite my short comings. And wants to be there to help me keep growing and going forward.

There are Dominants out there that want to fix submissives. I wonder what they do when they fix them. Leave them....heartbroken is what I feel. And also are they really Dominants? I think they are so broken to fix something allows them to feel good about themselves. To be a Dominant you must be confident in yourself - all parts of yourself even the short comings. And you have to be strong in your beliefs and know who you are.....and so far those Dominants that I have found that want to fix broken submissives are insecure.

All this being said the last few days and the next....

I do love Todd.

See the Meet Joe Black love.....love despite faults.

We were on different pages. Story of my life lol

I have a big heart. I love lots of people. And hope I always have a big heart.

I have not cried yet.

For some reason I do not think I will.....

I cried 1 day over Sir.

Just like with Sir the first thoughts last night were of Jim.....

Always of Jim.....

something I need to figure out I guess.....

peace,
danae