danae

Sunday...

I have lots of things that I need to be doing and right now I do not want to do any of them. I just want to go to sleep. I am sooo tired. I was suppose to met with someone today, but I am not mentally up to it. I just feel very tired. Kam is out looking at the car. I was screaming in the phone to Di last night as it was acting up. It freaked me a little lol Sir followed me about half way home and kept his cell on so in case I needed him I could call. It really was okay until I got off on my exit and was just a couple miles away from home. It is really weird. Kam just drove and said it was fine but put some fuel injector fluid in it.

I started that above paragraph and then went to do things and then laid down for an hour. I need more sleep right now and I just need to face that fact that I have been pushing myself too much with work, Todd, and all the other things in my life.

Kam I discussed if it is worth him just getting a junker car to get him to and from work (maybe it will hoping it will) for me to have more time for work. Because as it stands right now I give 4 hours to Kam to get him to and from work. Or the other option is for him to save for a BIG down payment because of his credit history and not being his present job quite a year yet. Anyway, not sure what to do just know that driving him to work takes lots of my time and burns me out and my work suffers because of it.

Mistress DM messaged me today. I have not mentioned work in my blogger in a while. There is reasons for that....and basically it is things I cannot get into here. Though Work is going good considering all that has happened to my business since being back from Germany. I had some problems but everyone in the community have been very support of me and that has been great. :)

I was just looking at the profile that Todd originally contacted me under. *soft smile* It is me and how do I explain that those things are me to people. The quote I have in the profile is....."One must do violence to the object of one's desire; when it surrenders, the pleasure is greater" ~ De Sade

When I first created that name I wanted to find a Master to just take me away and beat on me. I wanted to lose myself in the pain. I had someone contact me at that time that would have made me disappear from the planet. And at that time Jackie had just become very important to me. So I could not do that to her even though the desire I had to disappear from the planet was very great. That name is still on my buddy list for yahoo messenger but I do not see him on ever. He told me when he found the one to disappear he would never use that name again. So I guess he found her.

Sound scary? It is. But real and I know he was real. And I know I wanted it very badly but my fears and love I had for others stopped me.

I have a profile/website and email address for that name that Todd contacted me under. I get lots of WANNABE's writing to it. And the reason Todd's stood out it never mentioned BDSM or sex. And I know when men read my profile and website by the time they are done they are rock hard. So they cannot help but contact me and be sexual and try to be Dominant. But it usually does not work with me. I am not a wannabe. I am not looking for just sex and bdsm. And I try to explain that in the website but most men do not see it.

That name was created also at a time when I was missing Don. Why do I miss Don? I really do not understand that one.

On to other topics....

Sir called. He is so good. He was calling to make sure I was okay and not crashing and such. Aftercare he takes very seriously. I once crashed and did not tell him. He really was not happy that I did not tell him until I was over it and okay. We noticed that many Dominants at the party did not seem to do aftercare. Someone was using a violet wand at the end of party. It is something Sir has not done yet. I think I should teach him :) I actually think I should get SMART in contact with the person I saw do a great demo on it so that they can get her here to do a demo. Note to Moni it does not mean I do not want to give you people too....I just think that Carpe Diem has some really good people it can call on where SMART is just coming back and I want it to be a bigger better group since it is in Cleveland where I live lol

I have pulled up 2 websites I have. I going to work on both of them.

Todd just messaged me while I was afk getting a diet coke (my addiction lol) and got some jalapeno chips. I have been doing good with eating still. Not gone crazy with the stress. Thursday night I wanted to eat a lot but I did not. I did not even get the thing I wanted to have a Paradise Pie from Chili's it is awesome lol

I am just writing and not sure I am writing about anything of great importance but I just have the need to get back in the groove of writing.

I guess I am going to work on my websites....

So Mistress DM will be happy because I will post the url for the one that I have been teasing her with...well I am sure she will want both url's now. That second one is hard for me to share as it is extreme and I really do not want to hear about how unsafe I am being with it being out there.

Always comes back to acceptance with me.

peace,
danae