danae

Well, lets see....Saturday....

Today was a hard day.....Kam and I talked about heavy things between us....

I am worried about Di.

Tonight I went to SMART - met Sir there. Then SMART had a play party afterwards and we went to that.

Sir walked up to me at SMART and those feeling were there instantly. I was nervous as it had been a while since he and I have been together in a Dom/sub way like we would that night.....i mean he always is Dominant but yet at the same time a friend and gentlemen. One reason I liked Todd as I felt he was the same....Dominant but also a friend and gentlemen. Anyway I was scared....doubting myself as a submissive. I screwed up right away because I lacking service oriented skills these days. Something I might have to ask Sir to help "train" me to do once again. I did immediately have the urge to kneel for him. I blushed right away and did not hide my face at first. As the evening progressed though and with Sir's reminder that I could hide my face I did. It felt right. It is part of me. And Sir reminded me that it was....danae. It was great to stand behind him and rest my head on him...bury my face into his back. To feel his touch....

At one point he put his hand in my hair and brought my eyes looking up into his.....the things I saw........the things it did to me....the surge of his power coming from him to me showing me who I was...and where I belonged. And tonight with him it was exactly where I was......there with him. It scared me and excited me all at once. I knew that tonight I had no choice but to surrender to him. To let go and fly.

Since I was in Germany Sir looks out for me even more then he did. I guess maybe the feelings have deepened and so he cares more and so he looks out for me more. I think back to the other night at TGIF where I was crying and he said afterwards that he just wanted to come hold me. He sees me differently now. I mean not since crying but since coming back from Germany. It is different and in a good way. He is more open with me maybe that is it....he sees that I am not always strong. That I am vulnerable.

Okay so we scened. And it was good. I needed it more then I can even begin to express. He needed it too! And I floated away and it was good. I was shaking afterwards. I wanted him soooo badly *blushing* Even when we got to my car I was still wanting him in the worse way and I could not express it and I did not do anything to show him that.

He used his floggers on me mmmmm mmmmmm mmmmm good :)

And he used his bottle *wrinkles her nose* (but in some way of course I love that he is sadistic and uses it lol)

When we were walking out a Dom stopped me and told me I was making nice noises. Oh my that was a full body blush lol

Sir has started doing something new with me that no one has ever done....mmmmmmmmmmmm He takes my hair and wraps it around my neck and strangles me with it basically. He does not do it very long, but it is very intense!

I enjoyed my time with him so very much. I have missed it. I needed it. And he did too. Afterwards he was standing behind me leaning over into my ear he told me he had missed me. He thanked me. I wanted to cry I wanted to tell him how much I love him. But I did not want to freak him at the party lol Almost called him Master once during the scene also. If I had been floating a little higher I probably could not have stopped myself.

He ran his fingers over my bruise several times. I felt...ashamed. I am not quite sure why except that I was marked by another man while being with him and having such instense submissive feelings....it was just hard to have him look at it and see the worry on his face. There is a knot inside the bruise. If it is like the last bruise I had with a knot the knot is still there and that was done almost 3 years ago. So lets hope this knot does not stay forever.....or maybe it will be a reminder to me.

Sir has done things in the last few days that have given me a since of stability and made me feel not so lost....basically he has taken some control. Part of me wants him to take full control so I can just not think. Part of me knows that would be probably very healing for me right now. I need to just be able to be and I can with his control. Tonight he proved that over and over again. I was more relaxed, more myself then I have been in a while. I was still lost and grieving but the light that is there inside me was shining brighter tonight. I talked and laughed and watched and was just his....there with him to do as he wished with and it felt so natural. I wonder if it felt natural to him?

When I got home from the private party last night I discussed with Honey something that had been rolling around in my head all day Friday. Anyway the thing had to do with Sir. And so on the way back from the party to drop me off at my car......I asked him about it. I shocked him slightly. I freaked him a little bit. (that is always something I have loved about Sir that he admits when he is freaked/not sure on things and so on...expressing his feelings is good and lots of Dominants do not do that). He did not answer me yet. And it was hard to ask him. I know he understands exactly why I asked him and I think he actually agrees that it is a good thing. I just do not know if thinks he is the right person for the job. He is though. He has proved that to me over and over again.

I talked to him right before meeting Todd the first time....and before things end with Todd Sir is the one I talk to then also. Gives me strength and focus always. I am very lucky to have him in my life.

I know 2 things he is going to fear with the question I asked him is that I will get close to him and he feels he is not able to give me all I need. He will worry about me falling more in love with him then I already am and worry that I will get hurt. I need his strength and protection right now. And I do not see anything happening that is not good for the both of us.

Okay I better get to bed Sir told me to get some sleep.....he let me finish this blogger first though :)

peace,
danae