danae

I am not sure what to be writing.....

Things are up and down still. Today actually I feel the most positive about things though then I have.

Honey got here last night about 3am. :)

Thursday night I got to spend the night with Aslan. We did not get together until late. Di called me while on the way to hotel room. I was very worried about her and wished she would have come to hang out with me.

Aslan and I had a very intense night. Things from his past came up.

Then I have been craving pain - intense dark pain all week. And so I begged him to hurt me. I am sure most would not understand what happened and why I begged. But I stopped trying to explain a long time ago. I just know it is something I need at this time in my life. Aslan did good but I know he has lots of extra thoughts about what went on.

I was crashing on Friday morning and then would bring it back together and then started crashing again in the afternoon.

I felt guilt over some things that had happened.

Friday evening I was suppose to get together with Sir and he was going to beat me :)

But I had not slept at all on Thursday night soooo after Daddy and I came home from dinner and a margarita I was ready to crash. I went to bed about 7pm and slept until 12:30 and got up and called and left Aslan a message and then saw Sir online. He was disappointed we did not get together but I know I needed the sleep. I have been on an emotional, mental and physical rollercoaster the last few weeks and I am just not getting enough sleep. So I needed that sleep. I slept until 6am. I woke up with a nightmare. I had several that night. :(

There is so much I do not know about Aslan and I want to know all. I want to share my life with him and I want him to be able to do the same with me.

Saturday Daddy and I went and did some work things and then cleaned my car out. We then had lunch with Di. I had not heard from Aslan since the previous day when I called him about crashing and feeling guilt. So I was worried about him. I felt he also was trying to deal with some things that happened and I think he was trying to pretend they did not happen. I never want him to hurt.

Anyway the rest that happened....happened. And I feel we are moving beyond it. I am very happy about that.

I want everyone to meet Honey so trying to think how I can get everything into the schedule lol

Well I need to sign off...

peace,
danae

ps: I did not write about what I learned about myself this week....on Friday. What did i learn, I learned that D/s is life to me and vanilla. I look at slave girl and she is vanilla to me. She is kinky she is into bdsm and extreme things but her life day in and day out is very "ordinary." She is a housewife and a mother and her life is normal. I guess that is what I want. I want a strong man who wants a wife to serve him, please him and make his home happy. I have come full circle. I am right back to where I was with Jim but I do know I still want the kinky stuff and bdsm things. Jim did those things and the life we had would have been very nice if he had not felt guilty for the bdsm/kinky things. I told Daddy that if things did not work out with Aslan and I, that I thought I was going to look for a vanilla man...that was strong and introduce him to the kinky things. Just thoughts nothing that I have spent a lot of time journaling about yet so not solid thoughts yet.