Wrote at about 3pm Tuesday…..
Today has not been a good day. I should go out and relax but I have business things to take care of tonight.
Lets see......
Cut my foot on glass in the kitchen when I broke a glass. I had to go take care of apartment stuff...which is not fully resolved but will be soon. And ended up not being as bad as I thought it would be. My car is not working. Work stuff has been put on hold so that I could deal with my personal life. wench called me today. I have felt there is something going on with her for quite some time but we have not had the time to talk about it yet. She asked me to come visit. And I actually would love to do that but I am not sure I can. But I am going to look into it. It seems actually like some good downtime for me. And a time to help her with whatever is going on with her…and I know something is.
Last night….
I went with Sir to the caning demo. I was the person that got demo'd on lol It was a lot of fun. The person leading the discussion and demo is very cool man! I love his views on BDSM. He seems like a very good Top. The website is www.resourcepool.org I have not taken a look at the site yet. Anyway, Sir took some control last night. I had to ask if I wanted to cum during the demo and of course I was too embarassed to ask so I did not. : (
Sir and I talked about what I talked to him about. Which went okay and not sure where it stands right at this moment but I was told not to play with anyone but Kam without permission. There is a Dominant that I have talked to online on and of for hmm probably almost a year I think I started talking to him last summer when Jackie was here. Anyway he wants to just give raw pure pain. And does not want anything more from me then for me to allow him to beat me. But he would be extreme. Anyway I have been tempted to call him because I want pain and I want pain in a way that could be dangerous to me. But it is what I seek right now…unfortunately how much I crave it is not good. It is very much how I felt that morning Todd and I were together that last morning we were together basically. So anyway Sir does not want me doing anything self destructive and so he put the rule on me that I need to ask permission to play with anyone other then Kam. He said my first rule. He said it like you will probably do more things that are not good for you so there will be more rules lol
Sir and I talked about a lot of interesting things last night and he let me in a little. :) Which is always a good thing. Builds the trust between us. It showed me how he feels about me too. And right at this time in my life I needed to know that. We talked about me doubting myself as a submissive again. What I am do not think I am getting across to him is that I can bottom no problem there. I know I am a good bottom. But submissive…..I am not sure. I just do not have that natural instinct I did 3 years ago.
I made an assumption today and I feel bad about it. I am sorry and told the person I was sorry. One time my assumption was wrong and I did bad : ( Live and learn? Right?
Wrote this after 1am:
Tonight was busy for me had lots of work things going on.
I have a piece of glass stuck in my foot still. *rolls eyes * it figures lol Kam tried to get out it out but little girl was out and she was not being very easy to get along with when screaming lol I hate having my feet touched so I was not being very still lol I wanted to call Todd. And ask him to come get it out. Because I knew I could lay still for him. I knew I could trust him to touch my feet. Not that I do not trust Kam too but I am not sure I can explain it. But I figured he was busy so I did not want to bother him.
Mistress DM gave me some of her opinions this morning. Hmmm not sure what to say on them at the moment. She gave me food for thought but not on the things I am sure she wanted too.
I talked to wench online tonight and she and I recalled a good time with Godiva chocolates, porno movies and her and I in bed *grin * It was fun to say the least. I remember shaking after that…..and being really out of it……first time I had fisted someone. It was VERY intense!
I hope I am able to go visit her and her Master. I am not sure I can afford it right now though. So I guess I will find out.
peace,
danae
