danae

Crave....To feel bad. To feel like nothing. To cry. To fear. To struggle.

having a conversation with Mistress DM. I said that I was tired and wanted my brain to slow down and she said something that made me blush A LOT. Anyway I told her after her comment that I do not feel I have the right to feel pleasure right now.

Another interesting comment by her. And something not ready to write. But she is right as usual.

I want to feel like I describe on my extreme website.

I want to have the fear in my eyes and feel as bad as it feels inside...deep down. I want to cry....I want to feel the pain on the outside and mentally from the pain as much as I feel that pain that is already inside me.

And I keep hearing the logical side of myself tell that is not "healthy" and the other part of me is saying why not. I need pain. I am a masochist. I crave these things and doing them will not hurt anything. Sooooo why not do it.

I do not care what others think right now I am not sure there is anyone strong enough for me out there. I know Mistress DM thinks she is it. But I am not sure on that.

I want so much and need a lot too. I wish I could slow things down to think.

good night....

peace,
danae