makes me feel alive

Music: Enrique Iglesias ~ Escape, Janet Jackie ~ All of you

I react to people. I am not sure...but it is at times...like a reflection for people. I think the more I get to know a person though that stops and I don’t understand why it does that.

I am changing and growing because of Sir Nick's strength and confidence. He is reflecting those on me..and feels like it makes me stronger. I am not sure that I am more confident but that is because I think he is being confident for me. When I was with Todd, inside he was a person who did not know what he wanted. He pretended to be things he wasn't and was not honest with himself and because of that I felt lost...and I started lying to myself because I would not "see" that he was an illusion and let go. It was like I felt as if I was falling....but caught on to something....gripping on and trying to claw my way back. My hands and arms are being cut but if I would only let go the ledge would be there. I did not see that with him. I did not see if I let go of him I would have been safe.

I noticed I do that with people lots though. Not sure it is a good thing or bad. I guess both.

I stopped writing this about 1:30pm today. When Sir Nick signed on and we chatted for a while. It is now later and I have talked to Sir Nick one more time. I shared a dream I had about him. He said he needed to write that one down. He then did something he has not done in a long time...he gave me an assignment. He even put a deadline on it.

I am kind of surprised and not sure why......

Song playing right now.....Love To See You Cry by Enrique Iglesias

the lyrics...interesting:)

Come on
Maybe I just wanna touch you
Feel you warm in side again
Maybe I just wanna hurt you
The sweetest pleasure is pain

I don’t know why – why
But I love to see you cry
I don’t know why -- why
It just makes me feel alive

Are you coming… to the moment
When you know your heart can break
I’m inside you. I’m around you
I just want to hear you cry again

I don’t know why – why
But I love to see you cry
I don’t know why -- why
It just makes me feel alive
I don’t know why – why
But I love to see you cry
I don’t know why -- why
It just makes me feel alive

You don’t know how much it hurts
when you fall asleep in my arms,
and if this dies before the morning comes
I want to runaway
I want to runaway

I don’t know why
I don’t know why
I don’t know why
I don’t know why

I don’t know why – why
But I love to see you cry
I don’t know why -- why
It just makes me feel alive
I don’t know why – why
But I love to see you cry
I don’t know why -- why
It just makes me feel alive

I am not scared of crying in front of Sir Nick because it will mean something.....it means I have let him in more. I hope it makes him feel alive....my tears. Strange huh?

peace,
danae