the fight is sometimes necessary

Music: Garbage ~ Beautiful

A friend I have had probably for about 2 years...I lost touch with and we just started chatting again. Anyway, he said before he had to sign off tonight that he wanted to chat with me sometime about my submission. He said, "I don't think that you serve to your fullest by just giving up total control... not making choices all that shit like a fucking robot... a true slave is creating strives to do whatever it takes to please anticipates"

When he and I played online and the phone, knowing that is all it would be, he would humiliate me. I know that I have said before BDSM is the kinky stuff - the stuff that turns on a Top and bottom on. And humiliation is part of that. I also believe humiliation can be done in D/s as part of breaking the submissive down - strip them of will and pride.

D/s to me is the emotional spiritual bond between a Dominant and submissive. It is the serving and pleasing. It is the power exchange.

Sir Nick has not given me orders. He compels me to submit. It is amazing how it works. It annoys me at times too that I just submit so easily with him. We will be having a conversation and he will ask me to explain something that maybe embarrasses me and he doe snot say you must tell me he just sits there and says does that fly with me. Or says nothing at all. And I submit. I also so many times just give him the information before we have to go through that silence. I can't believe how much that happens actually and that is submitting to me and he is not giving me a single order. He just compels me to submit. I know he wants me to be accurate in what I say. He wants me to be specific and so I do not make him wait for explanations (not that much still have a little hesitation at times).

I do things in my life because I know it will make him happy. I know that he like that I am working on certain things because it will make me a better person which in turn will make me a better slave to my Master.

With this friend when he and I played online/phone. He had to take it from me. I would not *admit* or *submit* without a fight. Because of the guilt - or then feeling responsible. If I admitted the things he wanted to me right away without a fight then I was that thing. And I could not admit that I was what he said. And one simple reason....he is someone I know online and will never meet real life. I will not submit like that - easily without seeing eyes. And I will probably fight but it will be different....I need aftercare especially if I were to do just give it up easily.

Also the fight is sometimes necessary to get my walls broken down. Sir Nick on the other hand seems to take a piece of the wall while I am not even aware of it lol And then when he points it out he shows me how *I* did it. That maybe he helped or guided or was there to support me but that I was the one that did it really.

Pretty amazing...

No wonder I want to submit to him....

Probably more I want to write on this subject but tired. I think I am getting Di's cold.

I am saying a prayer for Di tonight..sending her positive thoughts tomorrow. Tomorrow is going to be a hard day for her.

Good night...

peace,
danae