fevers make you do strange things

Music: very softly playing…..Tara MacLean ~ Passenger

I have been sick all day today. I am up at the moment to see if I can eat some toast so that I can take some migraine medicine, as it is coming on strong. I have the sliding glass door open since I am burning up. Not good....I know. But at least I stopped throwing lol

I have so much to do today also and that sucks.

I did the assignment Sir Nick assigned and got it done by the deadline and also 8 pages more then he told me to do. It is RARE occasion when I get a direct order. Most of the time it is Sir Nick steering me in the direction he wants me to go or knows I should go. I am not sure if he liked what I wrote yet or not. I have not heard from him. Not a huge surprise...*sigh* one of my lessens in patience.....which being sick today has taken away my patience.

I just want to be in his arms and safe and go to sleep. And sleep for a long time. I mean it is 4:20am and I am up and sick…what is wrong with this picture? lol

Moni and I have not had quality time lately and I am really starting to feel it. I miss her LOTS! I actually was thinking of a girl’s night out at my place so that they can all go through my stuff. But the night was thinking of...now is being taken by a Christmas Party for work industry people. And those parties are always fun :) I am crossing my fingers it is not the same night as one of the BDSM organizations Christmas Party. Not sure if we will go to that though. As I have mentioned here before. BDSM community and I are different. Strangely enough there are a lot of quiet extreme people out there they are just nervous to be speaking up and say so. I know several people in both organizations that want relationships like I do but do not say it outloud.

I was looking at airfares to Kansas tonight because I noticed on an ad that they said $125. I found one I like... not too long of flight for $129 and so no debating whether to go there or not again. I had decided no but with that good of rate not sure I should pass that up especially since my sister won't be coming home for Christmas. And then I would be able to see Jim's parents. Yes, I am friends with them. Not with him anymore but his parents. It would be cool if they could get my dog while I am there but I will not press that issue because I do not want to cause them stress. It was pretty stressful last time.

I mentioned a friend I had lost touch was....back in my life...his name in the blogger will be Ray. Well, he and I had a conversation tonight that kind of shocked me....in more ways then one. It was not bad though. He was in a sullen mood tonight...maybe not the word. He is cute...how he words things...and says things to me. Strangely I trust him because of what he has done to me in the past. He is being very patient right now. I know he would like to talk about certain things and I just do not want to go there yet lol He is a fun and nice man. I am glad we are chatting again. It is good to have a friend I can talk to about men in my life -- past and present. And of course he gave me the suggestion that he be the one to pick a Master for me lol I said how would you do that and his ways would be pretty good lol But I am already Sir Nick's.

It is so odd to me at times that I have never met Sir Nick and I feel like his in so many ways. I hope that it comes together this nicely in real life. It is getting harder to be without contact because I want to do little things to fight or not even sure the word for the other thing....

The other day I told Sir Nick that my computer was locking up so that if I got booted I would be right back. Well, I told him that because my fear was that he would be gone when I got back if I got booted, because it is a rare occasion when I get to talk to him so I did not want to miss out. My computer then started acting okay and I told him. He said reboot as soon as I told him that. And my fear was that he would be gone when I got back. I wanted SOO badly to just shut aol down and yahoo and then restart it. But I couldn't. I couldn't do it because he told me to reboot and if I did not do what he said it would be wrong. I was a little panicked he would not be there...but he was. I rebooted. But that I thought about not rebooting disturbed me GREATLY. Because I have never had thoughts like that with him.

My horoscope for Thursday Nov 15th....

You give until it hurts, but your threshold is much lower than usual. Libra may feel insecure about the next meal or paycheck. The Scorpio Moon shows you the limits -- how you enforce them is your business.

"Masochism is the externalization of an internal struggle for control." Someone posted that on a list I am on....I am still thinking about it.

Thinking of Thursday’s events….fevers make you do strange things lol....

Going back to bed....

peace,
danae