all over the place

Written Monday 11/19...

Sir Nick....
I have not heard from him in a week tomorrow. So of course I get a little worried when that happens. But patience is a lesson I am learning LOL I wrote a REALLY long email the other night after I got off the phone with Ray. It was a good email just rambling thoughts and feelings.

I think about how he affects me right now and we do not have as much contact as we did and it amazes me. I wonder how it will be in person.....when I touch him and look into his eyes and kneel before him giving him all.

Work.....
Work today was busy and that surprises me for 2 reasons it is a Monday and it is slow on Monday's and because it is a holiday week and it usually is slow the week of a holiday.

Horoscope for today:
Your emotional baggage weights the odds against you. That was then, this is now, and a new story is already in progress. Increase your effectiveness by determining what your new role will be.

Tuesday....writing right now:)

I just talked to my wonderful Sir :) He and I had been missing each other online today, so he called me. We chatted for a long time before I asked about the assignment. I actually forgot because I was just excited to be hearing his voice that I forgot to ask lol. So when I did, he said he had been waiting for me to. He enjoyed the assignment and was pleasantly surprised it was so long. It was so nice just to talk him. To hear his voice.

At the moment my mind is kind of spinning with thoughts of him. And I feel so much....fear, gratitude, respect, caring, passion, desire, and so much more.

I told him something that was kind of stupid that I did recently and he handled it very well...and no lecture. Probably because of the out come. The out come of what I did was a positive…turning around that stupid thing. It showed me where my feeling really were...and they were in a very good place...they were gone. And that is important in this situation.

I am leaving to go my sister's for Thanksgiving on Thursday morning. And am going to be gone until Tuesday. It will be good to see my family. My parents and other sister will be there. I am doing wash and going to start packing tonight. Not like when I packed for Germany. I was packing the morning I left. lol

Wow I can't believe how much is going through my mind that I am censoring right now. That bothers me and going to try to figure out how to get through that.

I care for Nick and want so much for things to work out but I also go through my normal insecurities still of doubts and I know that is so much because of past relationships. And that is not good. I am not sure how to resolve some of those things. Because when I talk to him on the phone all I want is to just talk and laugh and have the good times I always seem to have with him.

Maybe it is just because I am pmsing -- that my emotions are all over the place.

I want to write more but going to publish and try to just write without thinking lol....

peace,
danae