danae

Okay time for an update of life….

Wednesday night Lisa and I went and had dinner with Moni and then went and hung out - talked and did tarot readings. The only part of mine that really made complete sense to me was the…

It was 3 of Pentacles - building - achievements…

And I have been building and that is good : )

I enjoyed hanging out with Lisa and Moni…it was good girl time!

Thursday…

Well…what to say about Thursday. *smiles* I had a date….we went to dinner and talked and talked. And well then…I got f*cked. And I needed it very very much. It has been too long. I got used and it was very nice. I wish he lived closer or came to town more often….because I had a really nice time.

Oh a cute story…we were at the restaurant and the waitress asked if we were married because we were sitting there really close looking at each other so intensely. And we smiled and laughed and said no she said “oh just dating….well you both are just the cutest couple.”

I was flying very high last night after the date…had a really nice time. And really just enjoyed myself and really enjoyed being with him. It was just a good night. I needed that…kind of time…and not sure I can explain it. It was different and nice. And today it almost feels like I am crashing. Maybe not used it? I am not sure.

Friday…

Well, I am suppose to be leaving for Detroit today but I have not heard from j. She said she would write me.

When talking with….Him…we discussed how much I hang on to my past. And I really am going to work hard to let go of my past. I know I hang on to it. And I admitted to myself that it is time to let go of it all…and I took some first steps to that this morning with His help. He says He is my future…and everything points to it. I just am very scared. But I need to look to the future. And look at where I am going instead of where I have been. I knew that all along but maybe it is because I have a future to look forward to right now…a future that seems to be in my reach this time. *crossing fingers and toes* : )

I just know I need to let go of the pain…disappointment.

One of His tarot cards this morning….was just so… scary on it. All of His have been…it really really scares me.

WOMAN OF SWORDS This person has had her disappointments in life. The card implies she is sad because she has been let down in some way. But she will learn to give love and affection again. She has a strong will, a powerful mental agility and insight with the determination and wisdom to gain strength which will enable her to cope with any loss or sorrow.

That sounds like me….and He agreed.

I fall so fast and been hurt lots. Him and I seem to be going fast too. But too much seems so right with Him. No red flags, no doubts about Him, no major areas that I am talking myself into Him…because I like the rest….just everything has fallen into place very naturally. And it scares me a lot. The dynamics is so different now then it has ever been.

But the whatif’s do plague me. I was looking at my book on Tarot and I don’t get this card lots but…it is what jumped out at me today. It is the Hanging Man. The description it gave is that the hanging man tends to base his life on faith instead of taking control of his own destiny. And I have been really like that…I have just had faith that my life will turn out.

So….is it time to create my own reality? To make all I dream of…come true?

I had 3-card tarot reading the other night on romance…

It said my hearts desire was the Hermit. And the Hermit came up again when I asked about him. I think maybe the Hermit card represents Him. The hermit has power and authority. He is sometimes a loner. It also means that all answers are with in Him. And then it said….and this is so good the challenge was the Justice card. Well the justice card is a Libra….and I am a Libra. So I am the one that challenges me. I am the one who stops me. I am the one who seeks balance yet puts obstacles in the way. And then the last card was for what favors me…and that was the Moon card. That card represents mystery, things in flux, illusions, occult forces and isn’t that truth LOL I have had lots of mystery, lots of things pending and chaotic, lots of illusions and more and more I see…myself as person who has some very intuitive things going on inside me.

Which made me remember something…Lisa had a reading the other night. She had a question in mind but the cards seemed to be talking about another thing. She did not tell Moni or I the subject she wanted to find answers to. While Moni was telling her reading…I thought about Caroline Myss. And I thought it was kind of strange why I thought of that right then…but did think about getting a book for Lisa about Chakras would be a good present. So on the way home she said that the tarot reading did not answer what she wanted it to. And she told me and I was like oh your reading was answering that question. And that is why I thought of Chakras and Myss because that realized to her question. So that was kind of eerie and cool at the same time.

Again as I have said many times I need to start listening to those things more.

Okay now on to some good stuff…

I can’t believe the fantasies that have been going through my head…

I cum very easily. I even have female ejaculate….or more affectionately known by me squirting. I for some reasons have lots of fantasies of being pushed to that edge and not being allowed to cum. I have lots of fantasies of being not allowed pleasure but anyone that knows me ummm intimately *grin* knows I am such a slut. I love pleasure. I love to be touched…my reactions to being touched…are very genuine. I love to given pleasure. I love to be fingered, rubbed, f*cked in my cunt and ass. I just want it all. I cum with just words of degradation. I cum with pain….my breasts being squeezed and twisted. I cum by just being spit on….

Okay…I want all those things and have had all those things and really really like it…

Oh how I like those things! LOL I am having a mini orgasm just thinking about those things *blush*

Up until last night…I had been craving to be denied. And right now…I want more pleasure.

My fantasies of being denied…

Being pushed to the edge. I have fantasies of being f*cked in ass and mouth and not being allowed to have anything in my cunt. Being told….how much of a slut and whore I am and why would anyone want my cunt. I have fantasies of being chained to a bed, blindfolded, earplugs, and gag….and I will be touched and brought really close to the edge and then He stops and just walks away leaving me wanting and needing. And it happens over and over…I feel His hot cum hit my body. He leaves it there to dry and then comes back and brings me to that edge again and leaves me and then….again….brings me to the edge…and then leaves again. He then maybe cums again on me. This goes on all day….I am sweaty from getting all worked up, I have His cum all over me and….since I have been there….all day…I have wet myself, and I am soaking wet from being so turned on.

I am then let loose and pushed into the cage and he leaves me there. I am moaning for him to let me to cum. He laughs and at me and pokes me with a stick and says, “What does the whore want?” He pokes harder and I moan from the pain….he opens the cage and has me crawl out and he pushes me down on to all fours and takes me from behind. I am still not allowed to cum. I am screaming from pain of being f*cked so brutally and not being allowed to cum. He cums and tells me to stay on the ground. He comes back and I feel shackles on. And then a hood with gag…I try to scream and beg and plead…as I don’t like a hood on me and shoves me back in cage and then urinates on me. Leaving me there with cum dripping out of my ass and cum dried on my body….my own piss on me and then His….my tears soaking the inside of the hood now as I am scared, dirty, alone….nothing.

Ahhhh…

Nice thoughts!