Graitude Tuesday - K (on Wednesday)

I had a very bad migraine last night and started this list but didn't get a chance to post it. So I bring you Gratitude Tuesday on Wednesday....with the letter K!



~ K ~

karma - I believe in karma and am thankful for karma because it at times is the only thing that keeps me on the higher path when I am faced with a hard situation that has made me sometimes so emotional that rational thought seems to lag behind.
kindness - I am thankful for all those who have shown me kindness. I am thankful for the opportunity to be kind also. I like being able to help people out and show them kindness that has been shown to me.
Kevin Smith - I am grateful to Kevin Smith for making me laugh, giving me hot dreams and just being so wonderfully real.

Kurt Halsey

- His art always makes me smile so I am grateful that he shares his works that make me feel all warm. (use quite a few of his works as icons on livejournal and here on blogger)
kisses - I am very grateful for kisses...Master gives me weak in the knees type kisses that make me melt into a puddle. I very grateful for his kisses. I also am thankful for just the act of kissing....it can be so raw and primal or soft and tender. It is something that can be done full of emotions from one end of the spectrum to the other.
knots - knots used in bondage....ahhh....again as I have used bondage on many a Gratitude Tuesday posts...it makes me feel so good being tied up so I am grateful for the knots that hold it in place and allow me to soar.
kitchen - I think of the kitchen in my Grandmother's old farmhouse...it was the center of the house...the biggest room as it had the eating area attached to it...and everyone hung out there. It was warm and smelled so good. The kitchen was the heart of her home. And the love that came from there was apparent in all the people hanging out there. I hope that the kitchen in Master's home is just as warm and loving as her kitchen.
kinky - I am thankful for being kinky. It is just who I am and I am glad I am that way.

Anderson Quote...

From The Academy....."Emotional masochists were the most infuriating toys to play with. Pay attention to them, leave them alone -- either way, they love it and hate it and come back for more."

Book Review: Artists' Journals & Sketchbooks

4 / 50 (8.0%)

Title: Artists' Journals and Sketchbooks: Exploring and Creating Personal Pages
Author: Lynne Perrella

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars - I like it!

Summary: "Indulge your artistic intuition as you plan and create vivid and revealing visual diaries and sketchbooks." That is from the back of the book and I think it really is a good summary for the book.

Review: I did like this book but I liked it more for the images then the actual written words. This book gives some tips and techniques but in a much different way then Collage Discovery. Collage Discovery gave step by step clear instructions on good techniques. Artist' Journals & Sketchbooks gives more a general overview of techniques but not real indepth step by step instructions. Such as Collage Discovery gives you several different ways to do transfers and actual how to step for each. Artists Journal & Sketchbook tells you that there are 9 ways to do transfers and give you 1 actual step by step how to of transfers. So for me it wasn't really a how to book but a book that says there are lots of different techniques a person could use in their journals or sketchbook. It is a book of this is how you exploration to uncover your creativity making your artist journal or sketchbook something new and fresh.

I do need to say the images in this book are inspiring all on the own. Each image really gave me tons of ideas that just keep spinning to new ones. So just for the images alone this book was worth picking up.

Book Review: Collage Discovery

3 / 50 (6.0%)

Title: Collage Discovery Workshop
Author: Claudine Hellmuth

Rating: 5 out of 5 - This book is Fabulous!

Summary: This book is a how-to-book for collage artists basically that sums it up.

Review: This is hands down the best book I have seen on this subject. I probably own about 4/5 collage artist type books (one of which will be another review soon and should have happened before this one as I read it before this one.) But this book has good techniques, good instructions, good photographs and is just in general offer clear, helpful, practical advice for collage artists.

If you don't believe yourself to be an artist or creative, but would like to create I really urge you to pick up this book as I feel you would find practical, easy, straight-forward ideas to spark ideas in creating. Scrapbookers I think would also really enjoy this book - giving your pages another dimension that you might not have thought about before.

Things I have always wanted to learn how to do or had problems with she explains in just a way that I got and now am able to do because of her clear instructions and techniques. Things I have dreamed about or seen in my head can now reach the canvas and paper because I have valuable insight on how to make it happen. This book has helped me as an artist and it has been exciting to see the transformation to my art as well as my process in creating.

Of two minds...

There are some things that I feel like I'm sometimes contradicting myself, but in my mind it is lined up normally and make sense. But I often think/feel two opposite different things on an issue/subject.

Such as....

I posted this quote several weeks ago: "A dominant basically has one single responsibility toward his slave: to provide her with the wherewithal to serve and obey to the best of her ability. Any other responsibilities that exist within such a relationship are invariably hers." - J. Mikael Togneri

I pretty much agree with it, but I also think that the responsibility is shared for those people that are involved together. It is not more on one person then it is on the other. And I do feel that is what that quote says/implies.

Another example...

The emotional masochist side of me can get off on being called a whore and slut but I can get off on even more offensive degrading comments and names. I have had orgasms while being kicked and called a cow. I have been set up to fail and been told I am worthless. And it was hard to go through at times during it but after all is said and done I get wet thinking about it. Now...I can say that I would like to go through that again but I can also say I can't handle going through that again (at least now). Both are true. (sidenote: those things were not done by Master - he and I haven't engaged in that level of degradation although the thought is something that turns us both on.) Some will say those type of degrading remarks are harmful and "shouldn't" ever be done. And I can see that point and I can even see someone writing those things out and possibly thinking "wow that just crosses a line" if I were to read someone else going through that. But doesn't change the fact that it turns me on and I think in some instances that is okay - for me.

And again...another example...
The other night I posted this quote from The Academy:
"Slaves need to be beaten regularly. Not as punishment -- it's better if there's no particular reason, except to remind that slave of who and what he is. It's hard to stay focused on the idea that you're property, and a good beating brings that home to a slave's mind in a very direct and unmistakable way. Most slaves come to enjoy their beatings and to miss them if the routine is interrupted. In fact, it's a form of abuse to deny them that discipline, because nothing else seems to reinforce the special bond between Master and a slave, or slave and trainer, as well as a regular, expected beating. While you are being beaten, you have the full attention of the one beating you, and He has yours."

On one hand I don't feel - for me - as a slave that I should need reminders of who I am...I am who I am - period. But on the other hand....I do like to be beaten and I do know that after I have been beaten there is a lightness in my serving. There is more intense heightened feelings towards the service. It is just not me serving - and doing it without thinking because it is so ingrained. It is me doing it because I feel intense desire. Not that I don't feel that other times without beatings....I do. But it is not an everyday feeling of service - for me. So I am of two minds.

For me...I got use to the two mind thing. It isn't confusing to me. Somewhere inside it lines up and I am like okay. It also helps me keep an open mind that things can change...my mind can change on subjects. And that is okay.

Positive Monday

Good Things....
1. The vacuum...because it sucked well
2. Air purifier....collected all the dust swirling around the bedroom today as I dusted
3. Pretty terra cotta sheets on the bed
4. Music to sing with as I cleaned
5. Getting caught up in Angel again....as I forgot some wonderful Joss lines in it and also great characters such as Lorne and Fred
6. Migraine medicine for taking my pain down a few notches
7. Good books to read (although some of you might get sick of all the quotes I will be putting up by the time I am done with Reunion)
8. The thawed chicken I have in the fridge....because I know will tell me what to do with it in the next 30 minutes as right now I have no idea what it will turn out to be for dinner
9. Battlestar that we recorded last night and will be able to watch hopefully tonight
10. Motivation this morning that helped me plug forward pretty good

From Daily Om

Understanding Oneness: Level Of Consciousness -- We can share our experiences and understanding with others not from a place of condescension but of connection. When the entire family of humanity understands that each of our thoughts, choices, and actions affect us all, we will share an incredible level of consciousness-one that puts our oneness above all else and helps us evolve into higher expressions of our spiritual selves. Remember the next time you witness an action of another that they are of the same earth as you but simply on a different conscious level at this point in their life. Find compassion, bless them, and move along your day in grace.

hard to deal with....

Yep more on The Academy. As I said in an earlier post, I started The Academy several times and put it down due to life getting in the way of pleasure reading. But reading it last night made me realize that the last time I put was not only because life was busy but because I didn't want to read it anymore. Not because of the story....it is wonderful and Laura has a way with words that make you feel a part of the story. And all the guest writers are great too! But I put down the book because I didn't want to read about slaves enjoying service. It was during the start of my burn out period and I just didn't want to read about feelings I didn't feel or perfect slaves enjoying service. Even though they are fiction and I could rationally tell myself that...comparison is an evil monster that I still battle with often and as read her words I think of real life people who exemplify that level of service. So I put the book down because I couldn't really truthfully deal with what was going on with me as there wasn't time or energy to address it - at that time. So now I read it and feel the same stirrings that Laura's books have always given me.

Quotes from The Academy....

The Academy by Laura Antoniou has chapters by guest authors. Last night I read the one by david stein. In that chapter the slave Jeffery is in the leather SM scene and not being fulfilled and hears about the Marketplace and decided to pursue it. Jefferey describes his first time with his trainer.

His trainer, Mr. Benjamin: "A word about punishment, I don't believe you can train a slave to behave properly by physical punishment. I use pain as a reminder, or for emphasis, and to help a trainee focus. But the main force must always be your own desire to succeed and excel, to be come what you say you want to be. I'm not going to beat that into you or any of that nonsense you probably read about in porn stories."

He also says: "Slaves need to be beaten regularly. Not as punishment -- it's better if there's no particular reason, except to remind that slave of who and what he is. It's hard to stay focused on the idea that you're property, and a good beating brings that home to a slave's mind in a very direct and unmistakable way. Most slaves come to enjoy their beatings and to miss them if the routine is interrupted. In fact, it's a form of abuse to deny them that discipline, because nothing else seems to reinforce the special bond between Master ans lave, or slave and trainer, as well as a regular, expected beating. While you are being beaten, you have the full attention of the one beating you, and He has yours."

Laura Antoniou

Okay so a Laura Antoniou story...since I started reading a book by her last night.

Don't know who Laura Antoniou is...then you really need to pick up her books! They are beyond FAB! If you have a chance to hear her speak at an event - please do go and hear her.

Because I finished

The Crimson Petal and the White

...I picked up another book off my stack and it

The Academy

...the 4th in the Marketplace series.

The Academy

is a book I started several times and never finished. It has nothing to do with the book...it is just things got chaotic or busy and so I had to put it down. I am determined to finish it this time. And then I will be able to move on to The Reunion.

So my story about Laura Antoniou....

Many years ago I was a volunteer for Ohio SMART. It is an organization for education as well as a social gathering of like minded people in BDSM. We had monthly meetings of the board and volunteers. There were three people on the board of SMART. One of the people is someone I respect and am blessed to have learned so much from in regards to Owner/property type dynamics. Anyway she told me that they had booked Laura to come speak in August (meeting was in April - 2002). I think you could have heard my squeal of delight throughout Cleveland. So when they were asking for volunteers to do with things - like pick her up at the airport, make sure water was on the table and things like that - I was waving my hand madly. For me it was like meeting a rock star. I love her books and so couldn't wait to meet the person behind them.

One other volunteer and I were the people doing all the little extra things for that meeting in August so we were invited to go out to dinner with the board, Laura and Laura's wife Karen. I was nervous but thrilled that I had this opportunity.

A week or so before hand on the e-list for board and volunteers of SMART were discussing where to take Laura and her wife Karen to dinner. And it got pretty silly. One board member suggested a local steakhouse and one volunteer was appalled that they would take someone of such "status" to a steakhouse. He felt we should be bringing her to someplace much more expensive and elegant and that bring her to a steakhouse lacked class....showing her we lacked class. I had been on Laura's Marketplace yahoogroup for a while and from reading everything she wrote there I felt the steakhouse that the board and suggested was fine. I view Laura as a rock star but I felt from reading her words on her list that she was down-to-earth. I didn't feel she would be offended or think we lacked "class." But I stayed out of the argument. And dinner was great...conversation fantastic - witty as well as thoughtful. I just was blown away with her and Karen.

If you have an autographed book by Laura you will notice it is in purple pen. Last night I picked up

The Academy

and inside the cover there is Laura's autograph in purple pen and I smiled with fond memories. The first 3 books in the series I brought with me for her to sign when she was in Cleveland. And they were signed with

my

purple pen. After speaking she signs and sells books. She usually has a purple pen with her but this time it got forgotten. She was talking about it at dinner how they forgot the purple pens. And I picked up my purse, pulled out a purple pen and handed it to her. The look on her face was priceless...like damn that is service. It made me all gooey happy inside! Purple is my favorite color so when I had saw that pen I had to have it. So Laura used my purple pen to sign autographs while in Cleveland. She gave me my purple pen back after the meeting yes I did act like a rock star had touched something sacred of mine. It did have a shrine on my desk for a while. lol The pen exploded when it came over the mountains of Colorado so no more purple pen as a shrine.

I saw her speak again at Thunder and Master and I both agree if there is ever a chance to see her speak again...we will grab it. She is a fantastic speaker....funny, smart, down-to-earth. I have heard her do the same talk - twice and each time I come away with new things.

Her books are those that you don't want to put down. Although they are fictional...many of the feelings that she describes I have felt. They are novels not just smut. They do contain damn good smut though. And I am not even a big erotica fan. I don't like reading erotica because well my life has pretty hard to top at times for titillating erotica. The marketplace is fictional but as I said above I related to many things in the books mostly feelings and that kept them real to me. It felt it could be real although it is fiction. So I am glad I getting around to reading a book by her again.

Inside Out

Just randomness....

* Eating Garden Salsa Sunchips right now and they are so good!

* I don't clean out my inbox on my email box and thus emails that I wanted to respond to kind of get lost in the abyss. So yesterday I had a migraine and needed something that I really didn't need lots of brain power to work on...so started that. I got through a big chunk so that is good.

* Master just went out of town for the day -- I was really wanting to go with him but with the migraines (because of end of period) he did not feel that was wise.

* Finished The Crimson Petal and the White. I am a little disappointed how it ended! Okay more then a little disappointed.

* Need to search down a recipe for the little
Southwestern Spring Rolls they serve at Ruby Tuesday (Flour tortillas filled with chicken, spinach, black beans, cheese, corn and cilantro. Fried until crispy and served with fresh avocado ranch.) Master had them for the first time this last weekend and he was crazy about them. (recipe: maybe here)

* I am feeling isolated and alone - though I am doing it to myself.

* Need to finish posts on: Being of two minds, 3 book reports, slave vs girlfriend, and I think there is one more but it is escaping at the moment.

* Mini Cooper Ad with Dominatrix

Blog Template Restored

Yep changed the template back. Although I kind of liked the header - really just the image of the lips on the other one. The rest for me was very old looking website graphics. And so it was bugging me as a graphic artist to have something so dated (in my opinion). So back to my princess and the pea layout until I can really play with xtml (something I way behind the times on).

Gratitude Tuesday - J

I have had a few busy weeks so just haven't been able to get to the gratitude Tuesday but thankfully I am able to do J today!

Just a quick update: We had a good weekend with my sisters. We accomplished the things we needed too so that is good. It was good to see them and just hang out with them. I at times envy all the quality time they get with each other so I was just happy to have a little bit of that this past weekend.




~ J ~


Jessica - is a very very good friend....who I love and adore! She has this sense of spirit radiates kindness, love and just a realness that is hard to find in this world. I have cried, vented, laughed, and been thoughtful with her...and appreciate her friendship more then I can put into words. I am very grateful to have Jessica in my life.
Jackie - I don't speak to her often now these days...though I do think of her often. She is someone very special to me and ALWAYS will have a special place in my heart. i love her and know my life is better by it being touched by her. She is a passionate, caring, intelligent, giving woman who I am blessed to love and be loved by.
Jim & Shannon - They are good friends from Ohio. I really am not sure even how to express my gratitude for them....and to them for sticking by me all these years. They are wonderful friends and I count myself blessed to know them!
Jani - Another friend from Ohio that I count myself blessed to know. She is a vivacious, smart, witty woman! She has made me laugh so hard I cry, she has given me food for thought on many occasion and she is nice eye candy too!
Jumbo Shrimp - I love seafood but especially shrimp and especially big jumbo shrimp: broiled, sauteed, fried, in a sauce, alone, or however I really like shrimp.
Just a girl - just a girl in the world....I am just a girl in the world doing what I do...trying to make the best of it.
Jelly Beans - It is almost time for Jelly Beans to hit the store. Yummy!
Jif Peanut Butter - creamy, smooth peanuty goodness! yum!
Japanese Rope Bondage - The intricate designs and knots around my body make me float away.
John William Waterhouse - Always enjoyed his works...can get lost in them. They have amazing colors and spirit coming from them
Joss Whedon - brilliant man - very grateful for the many wonderful hours of entertainment he has brought to me through Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly and Angel.
Journal - be it paper or online my journal has helped me grow as a person and so I am very grateful for the years of journaling.

This that and PMS and slavery

Thank you for everyone in allowing me to do my rant about Valentine's....I had just had read one too many anti-Valentine's/anti-romance post.

Today can be summed with 3 words: Tired Tired Tired. We have had a really long although fast week. Yep both. Lots going on that was very involved. I have been washing and folding clothes today so I can get us packed tonight. We leave tomorrow afternoon.

Although I am looking forward to seeing my sisters...my time with my family is always very rushed and I feel like I don't get to really enjoy time with them. And with all we have going on this weekend I believe it will be the same.

Okay on to another subject...PMS and the life of a slave....which we did an essay about several years ago but it seems like it is something that is a constant lesson or area to work on.

I am pmsing bad this month...add in lack of sleep, and just a lot on our plate...and well...I am losing my calmness...losing my attitude. I have snapped at Master more times than I would like to admit. Last night before bed...all I wanted to do was to climb into bed and go to sleep, but first I had the list of things that I felt should be done before bed...garbage needed to be taken out to the cans, coffee pot needed to be washed, dishwasher started, clothes to put in the dryer...and so on...really I could count about 10 things that could have been done but about 6 got done. It overwhelmed me and made me feel more exhausted. I hate when I go into the mindset of "why couldn't he....wash his coffee pot out....he is the one that drinks coffee." I hate that I do that because really he had just come off putting a hard video together in about 48 hours and hadn't much sleep so why would I want to burden him more. I don't. We both are tired. We both just running around crazy. So why does my thought of why can't he do this...come up...? Is it ego? Is it just exhaustion so I don't see it as it is but as it feels in the moment? Is it just psm? Even if it is exhaustion or pms...doesn't mean it is a good practice to excuse it on those. I just wish I knew a way to reign it in.

I usually can see what is going on but I just am not sure how to bring myself back to center. It is like the emotions just fill me up and I can't feel or see anything but whatever is going on in that moment. I know I have pms. I recognize it right away. But just recognizing doesn't mean it goes away magically or makes it easier to control. It does help me be more aware of it. But doesn't "fix" the things I feel because of it. Some months it seems easy. And other months it seems like my skin..my emotions...everything vibrates on a much more sensitive level and so things that normally are perfectly wonderful aren't suddenly. I really hate it is

just pms

....that it is the reason for it. Because although I don't think PMS means free reign I do know it still causes valid real symptoms that can be hard to keep a normal routine normal and my mindset even.

Valentine's Day Rant....

I am a little frustrated with all the anti-valentine's and anti-romance that I have been reading on various blogs and elist. It seems that because you are Master/slave then you can't enjoy Valentine's Day. Now granted we don't go all out with all the novelty valentine's items out there but normally we do try to do at nice dinner and cards for each other...just holding hands enjoying each other company...and maybe throw in some kinky fun too!

But I hearing/reading that Valentine's equals vanilla...romance equals vanilla...love equals vanilla. If Valentine's is so vanilla to people in M/s relationships then what about the rest of the holidays...aren't they vanilla too? Do you stop celebrating everything just because you are in a Master/slave relationship? We are who we are....period. Why try to make it seem like because we are in service that we can't be romantic if that is something we enjoy?

I understand that Valentine's Day is just another commercial holiday, but you can make holidays meaningful and personal to you. Just like Christmas is very commercial but we try to do traditions to make it ours and keep the magic of Christmas alive around us. Master and I are romantic people. His ideal Valentine's would be...going off to a condo, snow falling outside, a roaring fire inside, snuggling up in front of it and enjoying a bottle of wine. I love the idea making him heart shaped cookies and leaving him love notes. So what is wrong with those things?

We love each other and I guess I am frustrated because lately it seems so many people tend to say...."if you love each other then you are not M/s...." or "if you enjoy romance then you aren't Master and slave..." "...ewww you can't celebrate Valentine's that is vanilla."

Okay the end of my Valentine's Rant!

Blog Template?

Well I have this blog template up that is one that works with beta blog. And frankly I haven't found many of those. And when I have tried to break the code apart frankly I feel I am ready to throw the computer out the window. So that wouldn't be good. Not sure if I will keep with this....as isn't really my style but I really want labels and my archive to not be a mile long. So who knows you might see my old template back tomorrow if I can't get used to this.

Also I don't have all my links up yet so if you had a link over there on the side and isn't here now....please give a day or two. Thanks!

Blog of Note

I know I have mentioned in the past favorite blogs of mine....well one is The Heron Clan. I have resonated with I think most of swan's posts. Right now she has been writing some posts called "Poly Observations" and I know from the questions I have received about poly there are a lot of curious people on how it works. I suggest you go check it out The Heron Clan's blog. Just as there are many misconceptions about how M/s works - there are just as many misconceptions about poly.

Also here is some the post I made last year about poly when I was a slave in a poly household.

My Poly Life Then and Now....Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Music...

I am baking cookies and listening to Zeros + Ones and they were playing this song that I am really bouncing and dancing to as I roll out cookies. And I am singing the lyrics...

I am singing the lyrics

...I pause to think why do I know these lyrics. And realize it is a remake of a song that I enjoyed in high school -

high school

! Oh that makes me feel old...so old. The song was Ant Music by Hyper (original by Adam Ant). Adam Ant was my first concert (and saw him multiple times).

Tonight I have made some candy. And cardamom butter cookies in the fridge to chill out over night. Then shortbread cookies baking right now. I have ingredients ready to go for triple chocolate bit size brownies. And then I will make the cardamom butter cookies with dark chocolate and espresso glaze tomorrow.

I am really like all the music on Zeros + Ones. I want listen to some more many of the artists but Kaiser Chiefs - I really liked and I know I have heard them on this station before (SIRUS - Left of Center station.)

Dreams from Danae's Brain....Oh My....

Okay this is how my mind works.....

I don't remember all the dream this is the gist of it though...

I have super powers....I can fly, lots of strength, can be invisible and so on. There is this evil person* who has rigged a machine that as the machine keeps working it grows into a bigger badder machine and it will eventually end the world. A cloud - enormous black stormy looking cloud starts to appear over the city. So I go to investigate of course being super power girl. I find out that it is coming from the machine. I try to unplug the machine, and smash some control panels and what not to try to turn it off but of course it doesn't work. The evil bad man and his hench men come and find me and they had a super power villain and he ends up kicking my ass and I wake in river where a pipe is pumping filth from the big machine into the river.

So I am covered in grim and pretty tired so I make it back to my Aunts who I am staying with at the moment (no idea on earth why as it a relative that I don't like and have little patience for). When at her place I take a bath. There is a caulking gun lying on the edge of the tube as they obviously were re-caulking their bathtub. So I am sitting there trying to come up with a plan and the caulk gives me the idea how to save the world. I get out and put on my robe and just as I do there is a knock on the door from my Aunt wanting to go get pizza. I tell her I can't go get pizza right now as I have to go. She gets mad and asks me at least to give them money (typical Aunt) even though I am not going.

I get dressed and go back to the machine and check it out and yes chalk is the answer. But then as I am there I see the sky is starting to crack and fall. People are screaming and dying. I figure out that the thing that I want to do doesn't work now but it would have if I had got there 15 minutes before. And now the world is ending. I am pissed. I kick the machine and a clipboard falls from the side of it....to my feet. It has dates scratched out or looks like been erased and wrote over and I can see the pattern to it. I erase the last date and suddenly as I suspected looking at the dates on the clip board...we are now back 1 day before.

I have to wait until the precise time to do what I need to with the caulk. Yes caulk really does saves the world. That time comes and I realize that because the machine is doing weird things to the atmosphere I am having problems flying with the things I need...the caulking gun to be exact so I don't know what to do to get there in time. So I squirt caulk into my mouth - fly to the machine - being careful not to swallow the caulk while flying in the turbulent sky - to squirt the caulk from my mouth into the exact location on the machine. It tastes horrible and I am so worried about swallowing it but I get there and squirt into the little spot and the machine dies and I save the world.

Yes that was my dream....I have had weird dreams like this before...

Usually I dream about things that I was doing right before I went to bed...like art, watching Alias, reading a book, the last thing I read on my lj friend's page (yes really I have done that on more then one occasion). Last night I read the book about Sugar the prostitute so where on earth did that dream come from?

(* evil person is this actor who I had to rack my brain of movies I had seen him in to go to to imdb and find his name as I didn't know it)

Hitachi Magic Wand

I have had several people ask me how I am enjoying the Hitachi Magic Wand and also inspired by padme's review...I decided to do a little review it.....

Product: Hitachi Magic Wand and Attachments (which is basically the high end of sex toy - vibrator.)

Rating: 5 out of 5 (so far - really loving it!)

Review: Well as I said above I am loving it. For many years I was able to have an orgasm with just a little touch, just a thought, by dirty talk, and by command....but the older I get that just doesn't happen as easily. And frankly lately it has taken so much work that I almost gave up on having orgasms. And asked Master not to even try anymore because it just upset me so much. So for months and months I have seen lots of talk about the Hitachi wand. I read lots reviews from those who just frankly felt it was the best vibrator out. I mentioned it to Master and he said that had actually thought of getting one for me on several occasions but wasn't sure how I would feel about it. So after us both thinking it was a good idea to try - he set me to out to do some comparison shopping. I found that Healthy and Active (which I have no affiliation with just to let every one know out there) had the best price. He asked me if I wanted the accessories and frankly I almost said no because 1) it is a VERY rare occasion that I achieve orgasm through vaginal stimulation. And 2) I don't like my g-spot touched, stroked or whatever - it is not a pleasurable experience. So I thought why bother. But I guess just a few reviews stuck in my head of people who used them although they didn't come vaginally either and just enjoyed the sensation. So I said why not as they were a good price too.

The vibration of the Hitachi is more intense then a regular vibrator. I can see where many wouldn't like it because it is very intense. But for me a regular vibrator wasn't "strong" enough to push me over so I do like the insensitivity of it. When I was having problems with orgasms - by the time I had one I was super sensitive and even sore at times so I didn't have multiple orgasms. I can say I am back to multiple orgasms with the Hitachi. For our anniversary I had 15 orgasms. And it was moaning and making noises that sounded very primal/animalistic.

On to the attachments....I like the attachments and this might be TMI as it is about my period so skip to next paragraph if you don't want to read about blood. I got the Hitachi right before my period in January and it was an especially heavy menstrual cycle. When I have my period, I am often VERY horny and that is how it was last month so having that nice new white wand kind of squicked me the thought of getting blood on it and so the attachments came in handy. Really easy to clean that way. I used them in my vagina as well as on my clit.

The attachments are made out of medical grade silicone which is important for me as I am allergic to latex. The rounded tip of the attachments is much smaller area of space then the head of the Hitachi so it isn't as intense so I use that on my clit often as well.

The g-spot attachment didn't do anything for me - just like fingers or other toys in the past haven't ever done anything for me. But it along with the other attachment were a nice sensation in my vagina. A nice foreplay for me using it on my clit.

It really is best vibrator I have ever had and I can't wait to keep playing with in different ways - such as Master discussed using bondage on me and tying it to my leg like we have seen in some bondage porn in the past. So as a friend of mine said after she got one, "I give it 2 legs up."

On my Mind...

I am still alive and actually want to write. But I have had an issue kind of hanging in the air all week and until that gets some discussion and resolve....my mind can't focus on other things.

I rejoined or just came out of lurk status on some BDSM elists in the last few days. I answered a boat load of questions on a few lists and it was just nice to get my mind on something different. I could write short answers and not have to think about a long post on some of the subjects floating around my brain require more then a few words.

Nothing else that I can think of at the moment. I hope to get some more indepth posts going again soon.

Quiz: Flavor

I taste like Bread. I am a staple in almost everyone's diet. Friends like me are a complement to any other friends I get on with almost everyone, remaining mostly in the background, but providing substance when it would otherwise be lacking. What Flavour Are You?

After Dessert....

Note from the Universe...

"When otherwise most challenging, danae, love can begin with sympathy.

Right after dessert."

And how come that makes sense to me at the moment? I think I am up too early...going back to bed.

Not Sure...

I meant to update today - several things on my mind. But I can't write more then I am going to at the moment. I am tired. I haven't been sleeping well lately...cycling through my insomnia. Anyway I am so tired that I am near tears often and just can't focus very well. And because I can't focus I am not doing a Gratitude Tuesday post this week. It will have to wait until next week.

So that will probably be it for tonight.

Reminders:
journal entries
~ being of 2 minds on one issue
~ hitachi (have had several people request a review on it)
~ 2 book reviews (possibly 3)

Plus a few others that I am not going to put a name to yet. And I always have emails to reply to that are long over due.

Check to see if I have everything to do some baking.

Iron (ewwww)

Going to bed...really early for me.....crossing fingers for sleep to hit fast.

Colonial House

Tonight after watching Colonial House (only one episode left) Master and I were discussing the episode. And so Master starts to say, "Would you...." and before he could get anymore out I said, "nope!" He replied that was the quickest I have ever said no before. And so he asked me why I wouldn't want to do Colonial House.

I love watching Colonial House. It is interesting to see how people are dealing with it. To think about that time period especially after tonights episdoe where they had a Native American Indian tribe visit them and really put in their face what was done to Native Americans.

So although I am enjoying watching and thinking about that time period. I know I wouldn't make it.

• meat having maggots but scrapping them off - eating it (when I told Master this one he laughed and said, "yes expiration date girl would have a problem with that" - I am big on expiration dates.)
• flies flies flies - there are flies on everything
• use of chamber pot - with layers of skirts - sorry it makes me wonder how they didn't get their skirts in it
• the living all in one room
• a toothbrush - someone was brushing their teeth with a piece of wood in the last episode
• just the hygiene in general squicks me when I think about it too long
• the rules of the time period - I think I might have some problems with too...yeah

I am sure there are many other things that I am missing but I am thankful for the people that got us here although not happy how they did it.

Sunday Sunday

We got up early to do grocery shopping. It has been almost 2 weeks since we went so it was needed. I have our pantry pretty stocked so I find stuff to cook but I was running low on many things. Something I had been craving is stew and I haven't made any this winter so I asked Master if that was okay for this weeks menu. He said that sounded really good so there is stew in the crockpot right now. We can have left over french bread with it and a bottle of wine. Yummy! Although I am very full right now we had a wonderful brunch. Almost every Sunday Master makes brunch. He says "we" make it but really I don't call sticking sausages into the oven and pulling them out as really cooking and that is all I contribute to Sunday morning brunch. But usually when he is making brunch I am unloading the dishwasher so we are in the kitchen together and I really like that. We talk and joke while doing our things and then sit down and enjoy our brunch. A nice tradition.

I started a new book last night. girlie gave it to me over a year ago and truthfully it is a BIG book (over 800 pages) - hard back and so I kept it on the bottom of the stack. But I saw it peaking out from under my huge pile of books...knew that needed to be next. I need to get that read and back to her. It is

The Crimson Petal and the White

. It is about a prostitute in Victorian England. So far I am not liking this guys writing style but I did just flip through and read some random pages and I think I will get beyond that soon.

Okay going to go get some laundry going and change to maybe get some art done or procrastinate.

Today...Yesterday....Some days...

I made bran muffins this morning for breakfast, a pumpkin pie for dessert tonight, and I just took a loaf of homemade french bread out of the oven to cool. I have done some household chores too - so I would say today has been a pretty domestic day.

Master had a job that he needed my help with yesterday. It was in a neighboring town so most of the day was spent on that. Last night we grabbed Chinese takeout on our way back in town and then watched some Colonial House. We both were just dragging so headed to bed fairly early.

I am needing to do a few things online today/tonight but tomorrow I want to work on some art. There is a local show I am wanting to submit some pieces to and right now I don't that kind of pieces I would like to submit. I do have 3 things started that would work so going to work on those.

Hmmm whatelse...making balsamic chicken, rice pilaf and steamed veggies for dinner. The house smells so good right now homemade bread and pumpkin pie smells floating through the air.

Isn't it Romantic....

So if you haven't noticed Master and I get kind of mushy romantic at times. I was thinking about past relationships and birthdays, holidays and other celebrations.

My ex-husband was pretty romantic. He gave me a rose every Thursday for almost the first 2 years we were dating (solid first year - second year became harder because I was away at school but he did whenever he saw me on a Thursday.) He gave me roses, little gifts, notes, cards and such for no special reason. He would call me from work and say, "Hey I think you are beautiful will you go out with me tonight?" And it wasn't a special reason - it just was because he was thinking about me and wanted to take me out. So I would dress up and we would go out and come home and have great sex and snuggle. Okay all great things...but he did have not so good things obviously as he is an ex-husband.

My first long term relationship after my ex-husband was in the poly household that I have mentioned several times. The primary partner and my dominant was a man who didn't like birthdays or holidays for that fact really and I totally understood why as his birthday was on a major holiday. If you have read my blog for any length of time you know birthday's are important to me...not just mine - EVERYONES! Birthday's are a celebration of your life. It is a time to look back, look forward and just count blessings of being able to have lived such a life....celebrating that fact. So, birthdays weren't important to that partner so I didn't get a card, gift or even a Happy Birthday at times. It was really hard for me to accept. But my mindset as a slave was this is his way and he rules this house and me....so let it go. But it always bothered me a lot. Holidays and such were similar but it did change over time because I do kind of infect people with my enthusiasm for celebrations and holidays. Case in point is Master.

Master had been single and lived by himself for many years before he had his girl move to be with him. So I remember our first Thanksgiving. I was asking Master if I could do it up and he kept saying he wasn't sure he saw the need for all the festivities of it that some mashed potatoes and watching the game would be fine with him. To this point though he had tasted all the good things I cooked for him so I put in a request to please let me make a big Thanksgiving dinner and described all I would make. So the night before Thanksgiving - yes the night before he said "yes!" We scoured the town for a turkey that would fit in our oven (because if you have ever shopped the night before you know all the HUGE turkeys are what is left) and we found one and the fixings. I made a pretty table. I made great food and after that I hooked Master on celebrating.

Really he had forgotten how much he liked celebrating with another person. He had been alone so long that holidays and such weren't "special" they were just a day off. And so then his passion for holidays kick-started again...he remembered things he liked to do and plan for them.

Such as...for one of my birthdays he lit lots of candles in the bedroom and then covered the bed, me in the bed, and all the furniture basically in rose petals. It was so romantic and smelled incredible. For Christmas he wraps gifts, decorates the tree, helps make candies and such. We enjoy cider sitting in front of the tree just holding hands and snuggling. We give each other cards and notes just because. Master brings me slushies, chocolate and other things to make me squee...just because he likes seeing me squeal with delight. So,we are just a romantic couple who are Master and slave.

And I think that people think we are odd. And maybe we aren't the norm? I don't know really. But I am thankful that I am with someone romantic and enjoys those romantic lovey dovey things!

Book Review: Tipping the Velvet

2 / 50 (4.0%)

Title:Tipping the Velvet: A Novel
Author: Sarah Waters

Rating: 5 out of 5 This book is GREAT!

This review won't be as in depth probably as the last one as I really liked this book and I am scared of doing spoilers!

Summary: "Have you ever tasted a Whitstable oyster?" Really just that first chapter from the start is written so well that it really did transport me from Colorado to 19th Century England where Nancy Astley is an oyster girl.

This story is of love, coming of age, maybe a little gender-bending set in Victorian-era England. It is story of political, social and sexual states of that time. When young Nancy Astley, first sees the entertainer Kitty Butler dressed as a boy, Nancy's life is changed forever. And really I don't want to give any more of the story away - Nancy does go off with Kitty and then the story is taken to a new level of adventure, love, heart-break and with each turned page left me wanting more.

This book has been labeled as "lesbian erotica," but I found the story to be much than that although after seeing the commercials for it as a mini series on BBC I was drawn to it because I could tell it was going to be about to 2 women. Waters does a remarkable job of leaving her audience titillated by the erotica but she also is quite impressive on recreating London. I have never been there but it feel like I was immersed in the behavior, the speech, the sights and sounds of that historical period London.

Review: I saw the movie before reading the book. And I really enjoyed it so when I found out it was based on a book I put the book on my wish list right away. I got it quite a while ago but just never got around to reading it until recently and LOVED It!

I got done reading Danse Macabre (the last book I reviewed) and then picked up this one so I knew picking up any book would be better. But I think because Tipping the Velvet is written so well I just appreciated it more after reading such a horribly written book. I read the first chapter being 20 some pages instead of 2 to 3 and was completely engrossed in it. It was written so I felt I was there.

So highlights of this book:

• This book is erotic but not graphic.
• The characters, time period and situations are developed and believable (and even better then the movie did)
• The time period made it even more interesting to me because I really enjoy books set in that area but this book to me did a better job of describing the setting then others I have read in the past
• I liked that the movie followed the book fairly well.

The only thing that I wished...

• That I knew what happened with Nan's parents and family.

A Happy Anniversary

Wow! Master and I would like to thank EVERYONE who sent left comments, emails and ims wishing us a Happy Anniversary!

We had a wonderful day! Just being us. Master woke me up with SM play and sex...hood, slapping, 15 orgasms and just oh my so much fun! After that we got ready and headed out for breakfast, bookstore, coffee shop and a long drive. After we came home to do a nap. We went to bed late last night and woke up early so we were a little out of it. We had some quality time and then headed to dinner which was really quality time too but Master did have some business to take care of too (really good business opportunity). We had Italian food for dinner - I had seafood alfredo! And we brought home some tiramisu to enjoy with a bottle of Fatcat wine and watch An Evening with Kevin Smith - Even Harder. He is so funny! So it has been a great day!

Master did slip my collar around my neck and click the lock in place. I don't wear my collar often because I break out from it any we have found for me to wear...unfortunately. But I can wear it for short periods of time. So it was very NICE having it around my neck today.

I really just enjoy time with Master. Last year was rough to get to here. But it is amazing the difference. And I just really am thankful for all the quality time I get with Master now. I look forward to the next year and for as long as he will have me.

Images and Hotlinking

Okay if anyone is having problems seeing images....on our website or blogs will you please let me know? Or where ever you view them please let me know.

Our webhost now has hotlink protection and we get LOTS of hotlinkers because I make icons. Really it gets ridiculous how many hotlink from myspace and xanga we get snagging our bandwidth. I turned on hotlink protection this week and found out that like if you are viewing something on your friend's page on livejournal - you most likely won't see the images I host through our website - like icons. So it is pain but on the other hand I also think it is worth it for those that do hotlink. I don't get why people can't save to their own webservers. I save all sorts of images I have found on our own servers and never hotlink. Plus there are many free picture hosting places out there now too so it is not that hard to find a place to host pictures. Drop me a line if you are needing a place.

But if you do have problems...would you let me know...I would like to see if there is ways I can get around it so let me know where you are having a problem seeing an image? Thank you!

4 Years

So this year you don't have to hear me repeat the story...

okay you do...but you can see it from Master's view too (yeah big tears - happy tears reading it...I am a lucky girl.)

It really was one of the most incredible moments for me....it was just perfect. It was a hearts and flowers moment in M/s terms at least for me. It is the way I dreamed about forever but never uttered out loud.

Master just pulled that chain out of his pocket and put it around my neck...and locked it in place. No words...he didn't ask me. He didn't tell me. He just claimed me. It was intense and wonderful. I still remember it so clearly and still feel all the feelings I did then.

Happy Anniversary Master...I love you very much and am very happy that you claimed me as yours!