danae

Feeling kind of lost today.....

Last night I had something happen that is still hanging with me.

I was watching ER and it was pretty good. One of the story lines was where Carrie Weaver and the Psych Doc are involved and the Psych Doctor, Legaspi had seen a young woman that was confused about her sexuality and so the Doctor told the girl she was a lesbian. Well, it ended up that the girl pressed charges for sexual harassment. The whole thing is that Carrie is denying basically being involved with her. Carrie was having problems being “out.” I watched the show all the way through and it got to the last scene and Legaspi is crying. She is hurt by the fact that Carrie is “embarrassed” that she is involved with her…another woman. This scene played out and I started to cry. And more tears came and then more. I was balling soon. Daddy comforted me right away. I just could not believe how I heard all Carrie said and things from my past came flying up front. I heard myself saying those words to Morgan. Seeing her tears.

Anyway…. it is still really upfront in my mind and I am trying to figure out after all this time why did it come up. Why did a TV show effect me so much? If I am so happy also wy did it effect me so much? Why does it even matter what was done then….it is over and there is nothing I can do change what I said to Morgan…did to Morgan.

So that is where my mind is today. Very lost today.