Tuesday, April 15, 2003

Music: Kate Bush
Mood: kind of down...overwhemled...missing Him

"It is not uncommon for masters to pride themselves on the depth with which they know their slave girls; this depth is far greater in my opinion than that with which the average husband of Earth knows his wife; the slave girl is not simply someone with whom the man lives; she is very special to him; she is a treasured possession; he owns her; he wants to know profoundly and deeply, the background, history, the mind, the intelligence, the appetites, the nature and dispositions of his lovely article of property; this knowledge, of course, puts her more at his mercy; by making it possible for him to manipulate her feelings, exploit weaknesses, drop asides, etc., she in the helpless condition of slavery, it gives him greater power over her." pg 42-43 Tribesmen of GOR

Okay I know it is a GOR quote, but I read it and put it vanilla verses D/s. And I would have to say that my ex-husband did not know me well. I have been treated with more “care” by Him then I ever was treated by my ex-husband. Master does all of the above and I am very happy about that….: )

Lately also it seems He is in my head…deeply. Or…

Back tracking a little….

For the last few weeks I have been internalizing something…reading, researching and wrapping my mind around some concepts in my path to surrender. I did not verbalize them outloud or in any journal.

The other night on the phone He mentions something He is wanting to change. And it has been this very thing I had kind of looking at….and internalizing.

It scared me. It was like He had been in my head. But when I went to bed that night, I realized that…although…I feel He is in my head, I believe what is really true...is we are on the same path. We are walking it together. I don’t have to catch up to Him…He does not have to catch up to me. We are there together.

It is just right and clicks. We take the steps together and it is just there.

Am I making sense?

So anyway here had been this thing I was internalizing and now…it is here. We both want it. We both desire it. And it is being actualized.

I can’t tell you how good that feels….to be with someone who desires the same things I do out of a Master/slave relationship.

This thing He is having me do…is something that will strip me down more. And I don’t like it but yet I desire it. Of course that is me….I get turned on by the struggle…the fear…the being brought down. That moment of excitement, anticipation, fear, arousal and so much more…..it is a good struggle to me.

Since being at in Colorado…the things that are put in a search engines to find me….is pretty ummm interesting….

This is a SHORT list (short in comparison to the list that goes on and on and on)

hood latex bondage blindfolded
caged hogtied hooded raped
Piss soaked panties
Piss slut
bdsm submissive punishments
shock collar fetish
leather bondage hood pictures
danae's song
Krispy Kream
first enema
full bladder orgasm
torture clit
bdsm teasing and denial
Pinch nose blow job
submissive quotes BDSM
degradation girl bucket urine
owned humiliated masturbate
slave surrender objectification
scary dildo penetration
stocking and garter belt training
slap happy humiliation slut
when a submissive feels used
crazy anal fisting
toilet slave
cucumber penetration

Those are just a short list….

But I can’t believe the combinations that people put in the search engines and my journal comes up. It is kind of scary LOL Poor people...most of them think they are going to get good smut and then they come to an journal of a slave on the path to surrender. Yes of course there is masturbation fodder here occasionally *grins* I am slut what can I say? lol

More to come of course....I just decided to split it up a little bit lol

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...